Until You (The Redemption, #1)(55)

“Throaty laugh? Who says that?”

“Well, me. I was checking out one of those romance novels you edit. Picked it up at the library. I figured that’s as good of an adjective as any to pick up and use. Besides, you do have a throaty laugh, and it’s sexy as hell.”

“Hmph.”

We walk a bit more, laughing at two squirrels on the path that are fighting over the same piece of food.

“So are you glad you chose to help with Founder’s Day this year? Was it everything you hoped for in small-town living?” he asks.

I stare out toward the horizon and take a moment to figure out where this question is coming from. I grew up in a small town. Well, not Tennyson West, but Tessa Miller did. And thanks to my parents’ bad reputation and known alcoholism, I couldn’t wait to get as far away from it and them as possible. To have a fresh start where no one knew my family. Where I could simply be Tessa Miller, the new girl without any stigma attached to my name.

But of course, I can’t tell Crew that.

“It’s been fun helping out. Feeling a part of things here. I grew up as an army brat, and probably still am one at heart because I’m not used to putting down roots. Every time I start to, there’s that voice in the back of my mind telling me I shouldn’t. Giving in to the fear. Afraid that if I do, I’ll be uprooted, and it’ll hurt more if I’m attached to the people and the place.”

“So what would you consider this? The helping out? Are you trying to put down roots now?”

I nod. “I guess. It’s silly to be scared to, but I figured I had to at least try.”

“Hmm,” he says, and I’m not exactly thrilled with the sound. “So you plan on moving on then?”

“No. Not really. Old habits die hard, I guess.”

“So you’re not running from something, then?”

His words catch me off guard, my whole body faltering at his question. “No. Why would you ask something like that?” I give a mock laugh and roll of my eyes. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Is it? I mean, it’s okay if you are. Everyone is running from something. Hell, look at me. I’m here because I’m running from the implosion of my life over the past year and a half, so there’s nothing to be ashamed of. I just thought it was an important thing for me to know.”

I try not to sputter a response, but he has completely taken me by surprise. Instead, I opt for silence because right now, that might be a better option for me.

We walk for a few feet, and I can feel his doubt weighing everything down.

“Crew.” I sigh softly, figuring it’s better to face this than hide from it. At least that way, I can control the narrative as best as I can. “Just come out and ask what you want to ask.”

He nods, but the silence that follows is slightly unnerving. Does he know who I am? Has he connected dots I didn’t even know were sitting there? Did he use his police intel to somehow beat the system?

Each second that passes feels like an hour while I have to act like I’m taking a stroll with my lover, and I’m not internally rioting with anxiety.

“I’m a cop, Tenny. I notice things others don’t,” he finally says softly.

“Like?”

“Like the security door on the cottage you had installed on your own. Like your avoidance of being in the picture today. Don’t think I didn’t notice you slip away before it was even taken. Like your evasiveness any time we talk about you. It’s not lost on me that you have a way of turning the topic back to me. And yes, I get you have truths you don’t want to say yet, but we’re also a little further into this thing now. You’re owning my thoughts more than not. You’re around my girls constantly. You’ve become a part of our lives. Don’t you think maybe I deserve a bit more than you’ve given?”

Fear, panic, dread—all three lodge in my throat and have me struggling to answer. A simple, “You’re right,” falls from my lips. “You do deserve more, but . . .”

“Tell me about him.” He squeezes my hand again and tugs me to sit down beside him, the pond in front of us, the sun’s rays dancing off its ripples.

“About who?”

Crew studies me for a beat and then simply nods without saying anything more. I know who he means, and he knows it. The man who terrifies me even in his absence.

He may not know the why or the who, but clearly, I suck at hiding it from his well-trained eyes.

“I went on many calls, Tenny. I’ve seen a lot of things.” He puts an arm around me and pulls me closer so that my head rests on his shoulder.

“Then you’ll understand that sometimes things get to be too . . . much, and you need a fresh start. A place where there are no demons to chase you. A place where no one knows the old you.”

“Whoever he is, he’s not going to find you,” he murmurs into the crown of my head.

I swallow forcibly to hide my surprise. “Who said I ran away?”

“No one. And for the record, leaving isn’t running away. It’s called saving yourself.” He presses a kiss to my temple with an ease and an honesty that frankly I don’t deserve.

“I couldn’t live the life we had anymore. Not without compromising who I was and everything I thought I was. Strong. Independent. Honest. Safe.” I run a hand up and down my thigh, needing something, anything, to do with my hands so that I can ease the discord I have over saying anything at all. But he deserves this much. Hell, truth be told, he deserves so much more.