Unravel(6)

She continues to write on her notepad. “Do you think he won’t believe you?”

I smile knowingly and respond quickly. “No, I know he won’t believe me.”

“Does anyone support you?”

I used to have one person on my side that made all the struggles bearable, but Lachlan has stopped believing in me. I wonder how much time I have before I stop believing in myself.

“No one does,” I reply, my voice threatening to give out on me.

“How does that make you feel?”

“How would anyone feel knowing that no one is on their side?” I counter. “It feels like shit.”

She nods and smiles, seeming perfectly fine with my short but honest answers. “Understandable. If it were me, I’d be angry too.”

I look at her from beneath my lashes, trying to decide if she’s buttering me up, or if she’s being truthful. I see nothing but honesty in her expression. And then the tears start to pool in my eyes. I shrug and keep my gaze on the ground. My vision starts to turn blurry and I’m seconds away from crying.

Silly. Stupid. Childish. I can call it whatever I like but I can’t keep the tears from forming. I answer her because it beats sobbing like a headcase. “I’m not angry. I’m just… beat down.”

“Why?”

“I know what happened is the truth,” I say. “But it doesn’t make sense. Even to me. And if I’m confused, how can I expect everyone else to believe me? I just—” Abruptly, I close my mouth.

Stop right there, I tell myself.

I’m getting carried away.

Dr. Rutledge doesn’t push me. “Naomi, I’ve read your files.” She looks me in the eyes and says slowly, “I just want to help you.”

I’ve never seen what’s inside “the file” but I imagine it’s a whole clusterf*ck of lies.

“That’s not who I am.”

Dr. Rutledge tilts her head to the side. “What isn’t?”

“What’s written here.” I tap the manila folder sitting on her desk. “That’s not me. That is someone else’s take on what happened. Not mine.”

“Tell me your story then.”

“You’re just going to judge,” I say.

“Not if you give me a chance.”

I lean back in my chair and cross my arms. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Call me crazy, but maybe I’m reluctant to open up about my life to a complete stranger.”

“I’m not here to judge you,” she says. “I just want you to tell me what you know. Tell me what brought you here so I can get you back into the world.”

Overly perky or not, there’s something soothing about this woman. Something inviting. Like I can tell my darkest, most f*cked up secret and she’ll accept it without blinking an eye.

In opening my mouth, I’m placing my trust in her. Trust that she’ll accept my words and believe that what I’m telling her is my life. She acts as if her request is the simplest thing in the world. To me it’s like she’s asking me to cut a vein open and bleed out for her.

“The Naomi I know would have never just given up so quickly. She would have fought to stay in the present.”

Damn you, Lachlan Halstead.

I can just see him sitting next to me with his honest eyes. I could always see everything in his eyes. His frustration, laughter, happiness, anger. He never hid anything. It was the one thing that always drew me to him. Right now, it’s killing me though. I see his face and I hear his words when I just want to ignore them.

She looks down at her papers. “Tell me about Max and Lana.”

I wish the sound of their names didn’t affect me. In a perfect world, their names would just roll off my shoulders and I would calmly tell Dr. Rutledge that I’d never heard of them. She would look at me dubiously and I would tell her that I had no idea who those people were. She must have the wrong file.

But the world is far from perfect.

The reality is the minute I hear their names, the air slowly leaves my lungs. My heart pounds, until it feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest.

“No,” I say harshly. “No. I can’t.”

Dr. Rutledge lifts a brow. “Why not?”

“Because.” I look down at my sweats and pick at invisible lint.

Her office has been quiet the entire time I’ve been here. But a static noise reaches my ears. It’s loud and makes me shriek. It sounds like a radio not quite in tune. And then I hear a voice behind me.

“Naomi.” The hairs on my arm rise. “No one will believe you.” The voice becomes louder, powerful, darker.

Paranoia makes me turn in my seat. Nothing is there, at least in the physical sense. But I feel something. The presence is so ominous it feels like it’s only a matter of seconds until the bowels of hell reach up and swallow me whole.

I remember the girl I saw in the hallway. Her eyes flash through my mind. “How the hell am I still here?”

I don’t want to get to that point. I know I’m close. Darkness is ready to pull me under.

“Naomi? Are you okay?”

I look up at Dr. Rutledge, but I hear Lachlan’s voice.

“The Naomi I know would have never just given up so quickly. She would have fought to stay in the present.”