Unravel(30)

After a few minutes, her sobs turned into hiccups and then sniffles. She turned her face and was staring up at the ceiling with me.

“I’m not going back to school,” she announced.

I looked over at her sadly. I wanted to be shocked and ask why, but I couldn’t. My heart was stuck in my throat.

“I couldn’t hack it,” she continued. “It was torture. I tried to make friends, but I didn’t know how. I didn’t know how to allow those small conversations to snowball into a friendship. I tried to study, but I could never focus. I would have panic attacks during my classes and pretty soon I stopped going to class altogether.”

Lana brushed away her tears with the back of her hand. “I stayed at school, trying to tell myself that each day would get better. I locked myself in my apartment and…” her voice broke. “It felt like I was going crazy. It felt like there were no other options for me. I had planned to get away from this house my whole life. Going to college where I could finally start my life. But knowing that would never happen, that I couldn’t hack it… it killed me more than anything else.”

My brain was maxed out with everything she was telling me.

“I thought school was going good for you. I… I talked to you every day and you seemed fine.”

“I made you think it was okay,” Lana replied.

I shook my head, my hair rustling against my pillow. I didn’t know what to say, or where to go from here.

For the first time in my life, I was at a complete loss.





Eventually, Lana drifted off to sleep.

It was sometime in the early morning before I did. I think I could have stayed up the entire time, but the birds started to chirp outside the window. As crazy as it sounds, their chirps were soothing. It was a comfort to know that some other being was up.

And now a blinding light was slanted across my face.

I cracked open one eye and immediately winced. That blinding light was the stupid sun pouring in from the window.

I wasn’t in the mood for clear skies and anything associated with ‘happy days’. I wanted to go home, draw the shades in my room and hibernate until this entire memory became a distant thought.

I wanted to take the easy way out.

I sat up and stretched my neck. I looked down at my body. I guess sometime during the night I had changed into some pajamas. My hair was tangled around my face and my eyes were still heavy with sleep. I didn’t need a mirror to know I looked like complete shit.

How I looked was the least of my problems though.

I glanced over at Lana.

She was perched on the windowsill. The brilliant light didn’t seem to bother her. I could just see her thinking to herself that if she soaked in enough light, maybe, just maybe, all the darkness in her life would fade.

I cleared my throat.

Her head whipped in my direction. She gave me that small smile of hers. “Morning.”

I grumbled a reply.

“What time is it?” I asked.

“8.”

I rubbed my eyes. How I was even functioning right now, I’d never know.

“I was going to let you sleep in.”

“No, it’s all right. I needed to get up.”

She crossed her arms, digging her feet into the carpet.

“Do you want some breakfast?” she offered.

I peered at her carefully. “No, I’m not hungry.”

“Are you sure? Because I smell eggs and bacon and I know how much you love that. Or we could make something else,” she rambled. “How about French toast? Do you like French toast?”

She was out of her mind if she thought I would go downstairs to eat breakfast and take the chance of seeing her parents.

“Lana.”

“Yep?” she asked brightly.

Before I fell asleep this morning I had planned everything out. I was going to talk to her about getting away from her dad, no matter how terrified she was. But the look on her face was desperate.

I swallowed and put a fake smile on my face and said, “Let’s go lay out by the pool.”

“That sounds good,” she said, looking visibly relieved.

I could pretend for a few hours.

Maybe for a day.

I would do that for her.



12—RIPPLE EFFECT

After an hour, I was done pretending.

I tiptoed around the house, trying to avoid her parents. Her dad had already left for work and her mom was walking out the door by the time I walked downstairs.

I was in the clear… for now. I couldn’t avoid them for the whole summer. If I was going to stay here, I had to figure out how to rein in my anger. I would have to figure out how to be around Lana’s dad. I just didn’t know how that was possible, though.

The pool was steps away from us, with water as clear as the sky. The smell of freshly cut grass was in the air. The radio was on, playing a song that made Lana’s foot tap against the chair.

We lay there, the sun shining down on us. Beads of sweat started to form on my neck. I was pretty sure that if I held my hand out in front of me it would waver in the heat before it slowly started to melt.

I was starting to get restless. Too much silence between us and too many thoughts in my head.

“We should do something,” I said.

“We are doing something,” Lana said tiredly.