Unmarriageable(98)

The Binat sisters and mother and Hillima traipsed into the living room and settled down. Lady wanted to know all the gossip at school.

‘Mashallah, you were the gossip for a long while,’ Mari said dourly. ‘And with this visit you’re the gossip again. You are notorious.’

Lady clapped her hands. Better notoriety than invisibility. Who’d said what? And who was dying of jealousy that she’d married a man who looked like a film star? In fact, Wick might star in a film. A friend of his was making a film and he’d asked Wick to be the hero, and Wick was seriously considering it.

‘I thought “Wick”,’ Alys said, ‘was planning to write an earth-shattering novel.’

‘Oh, he will,’ Lady said. ‘He’s just looking for the right person to write it for him.’

Alys shook her head at Jena.

‘I see you, Alys,’ Lady said. ‘You can make faces all you want, but I promise you, one day Wick and I are going to be rich-and-famous celebrities and socialites who appear in Social Lights all the time, and then you’ll regret not believing in us.’

‘I hope so,’ Alys said. ‘For your sake.’

‘And I’m going to say I told you so,’ Lady said as she flipped through an issue of Mode, pausing at the pages where Qitty had turned the corners on obese models she thought resembled her. ‘I have so many people I’m dying to say I told you so to. And the number-one person is that yuck-thoo Dracula.’

At Darsee’s mention, Alys felt her stomach drop. She hated that it did.

‘Don’t mention that man’s name on this perfect evening,’ Mrs Binat said. She was dozing on the sofa, enjoying the voices of all her daughters drifting over her: if there was a heaven on earth, then being surrounded by one’s grown children was it.

‘I swear,’ Lady said, ‘Dracula nearly ruined my marriage. He spent the whole time standing on top of Wick’s head as if Wick was planning to flee. If he wasn’t Wick’s first cousin, I swear I’d forbid Wick from seeing him ever again. I certainly don’t want to see him again.’

‘Darsee was at your nikah?’ Alys sat up.

‘Oh Crapistan!’ Lady said. ‘I promised Wick and Dracula I wouldn’t tell. All of us promised Dracula we’d keep our mouths shut.’

‘All? Who “all”?’ Alys said.

‘Me, Uncle Nisar, Aunty Nona. It was a stupid promise.’

‘What was Darsee doing there?’ Alys glanced at an equally perplexed Jena.

Lady shrugged. ‘He was one of the witnesses. He frowned the whole time. Bhalla – imagine. Frowning at someone’s nuptials. Such an ill omen. I hope his nose turns into a popcorn, just like Fart Bhai’s. Qitty told me about the letter Fart Bhai sent, in which he said I should die of shame. That purity pervert married the best friend of the woman who rejected him – he should be the shameful one. What have I got to be ashamed of? Falling in love? Having a love marriage? Lo jee! I swear, all these men are so pompous, except Wick. He’s a real catch. So down to earth. When I settle in Karachi, all of you visit me and I’ll help you grab husbands. It’ll be so much fun.’

‘Spare us,’ Alys said as she tried to make sense of Lady’s revelation.

‘I’d rather die a virgin,’ Mari said, ‘than resort to your tactics.’

‘Suit yourselves, then,’ Lady said, yawning. ‘But, seriously, my stupid sisters, think about the fact that I’m the only one married out of us. And on that note, I’m going to bed and to my husband, who is always Mr Lonely Pants for me. Signing off for the night is your baby sister, Lady Binat, now also starring as Mrs Lady Jeorgeullah Wickaam.’



The next morning, Wickaam and Lady drove away from Binat House, but not before Alys pulled Lady aside once more to confirm that Darsee had been at her marriage ceremony, after which she wasted no time calling Nona. Nona was surprised that Alys did not already know. She’d thought Darsee was swearing secrecy because he wanted to tell her the sensitive news himself.

‘Sensitive news?’ Alys said.

‘Alys,’ Nona said, ‘Darsee is the one who paid Wickaam a hundred thousand dollars to marry Lady. Of course, we shielded Lady from Wickaam’s demand. Why break her heart? Darsee was at the marriage because he wanted to make sure Wickaam went through with it and didn’t run off with the money. I’m so glad we’ve cleared this up. I would hate to think that any of you thought Nisar and I bailed Lady out. I mean, we gladly would have if we had that type of money. But who does? Well, Darsee obviously does, but you know what I mean. I wonder why he hasn’t told you yet.’

Alys hung up the phone. She headed towards the graveyard for some privacy. She paced the lanes between the graves. She walked by the grave of a Pakistani soldier who at the time of his death in World War II had been an Indian soldier; geography had converted his citizenship from one country during life to another after death. Darsee, with his romantic notions of being rootless, would have appreciated this observation.

Throughout her walk, Alys thought back to the last time she and Darsee had been together, in Nona’s living room, about how they’d been talking about Sunlight until Jena’s call had come, then Darsee had left abruptly, and she’d been convinced he’d have nothing to do with them ever again. Yet he was the one who’d paid off Wickaam to marry Lady. It was in all likelihood, Alys told herself, because he’d felt guilty. By asking her to keep Wickaam’s sordid past a secret, he’d enabled Wickaam to manage yet another conquest, this time in the form of Lady. Perhaps, Alys also thought, Darsee believed that by marrying Wickaam off he would curb his cousin’s carnal appetite once and for all.