Unmarriageable(103)

The family was called in. Mr Binat told them all to sit down. Alys had an announcement.

‘I’m getting married,’ Alys said.

‘What!’ Mrs Binat yelped.

‘To Valentine Darsee.’

Mrs Binat nearly fainted, and Jena rushed to the kitchen to get her water. She too was shocked. Everyone was shocked. Everyone said, ‘To Dracula! But! How!’

‘When,’ Jena demanded to know, ‘did you first decide you even liked him enough to marry him?’

‘Easy,’ Alys said. ‘When Aunty Nona told me how much he paid for the original artwork in his house. I thought, if he can pay that much to decorate his walls, imagine how much he’ll spend to decorate his wife.’

‘Be serious, Alys,’ Jena said. ‘Marriage is not some joking matter. He disgusts you.’

‘You loathe him,’ Qitty said.

‘Despise him,’ Mari said.

‘Nafreth si,’ Hillima said. ‘You hate him.’

‘We all hate him,’ Mrs Binat said feebly.

It was time, Alys decided, to tell her family that their Dracula was responsible for Wickaam marrying Lady. Mr Binat could not have been more grateful. Long hours he’d spent contemplating how he was going to repay Nisar and Nona. He would offer to repay Darsee, of course, but Darsee, smitten by love for Alys and filthy rich, would, thankfully, be sure to decline repayment.

‘Princess Alysba,’ Mr Binat said. ‘Get ready for people to detest you. People can tolerate a woman being intelligent or pretty, and you are both. To be intelligent, pretty, and rich is an open invitation to enviable envy.’

Mrs Binat told Mr Binat to stop cracking silly jokes at such a momentous time. Alys was not intelligent. Intelligent girls grew their hair long and did not sit in the sun. Clearly, Darsee lacked intelligence too, but his stupidity was their gain. Begum Valentine Darsee! Mrs Valentine Darsee! Hai! Mrs Binat kissed Alys on the forehead and proclaimed she’d always known in her mother’s heart that God would not abandon her strange naive frump of a daughter and that Alys would be able to grab it, and, look, she’d grabbed a prize.

‘I told you to stay away from him,’ Mrs Binat said, beaming. ‘Luckily, you never listen to me.’

Alys listened with amusement, her mother recasting Darsee from ugly duckling to stellar swan and her sisters turning him from Dracula to Darsee Bhai.

The phone rang. Hillima left to answer. She returned and handed the cordless to Mr Binat. ‘Fart Sahib da foon si. It’s Fart Sahib’s phone call.’

Mr Binat literally took a step back as Farhat Kaleen blared an earful of congratulations. Was it true? Beena dey Bagh was livid. He’d called to warn his beloved family – Mr Binat mouthed to his family, ‘We are beloved family today’ – warn his beloved family that her wrath would be terrible and that perhaps Alys should reconsider, but, was it true, was she to be Mrs Valentine Darsee? Was Alys there? Sherry wanted to speak to her.

Mr Binat handed Alys the phone.

‘Alys!’ Sherry shrieked. ‘Is it true?’

Alys took a deep breath. ‘Yes.’

‘I told you,’ Sherry said. ‘I told you he was making mammoth you-you eyes at you. I also told you that you needed to grab him, and you did.’

‘Yes,’ Alys said. ‘Grabbing him has been my life’s sole purpose this past year, as per your and Mummy’s instructions.’

But Alys’s heart was doing funny things at the love in Sherry’s voice. Their friendship had been in trouble for a moment, but now it was back on course. Sherry said she was leaving for Dilipabad – these were not celebrations she was planning to forgo. Kaleen could tend to Beena dey Bagh if he wanted, but tonight she and Alys had a date at the graveyard, where they would share a celebratory smoke.





CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN





As per Mrs Binat’s fantasy, it was decided that Alys and Darsee and Jena and Bungles would have double mehndi and nikah ceremonies at the Dilipabad Gymkhana, while their walima ceremonies would take place separately in Lahore. Both the grooms-to-be were adamant that they were going to foot the bill for everything, and Jena and Alys had, after much deliberation, decided, Why not? It was going to be their money anyway once they married. They’d suggested a preposterous amount of haq mehr, but both men could afford it and they happily paid up. Also, the sisters insisted on the right of divorce being added to their marriage certificates, despite Mrs Binat’s protest that such a caveat was an ill omen.

‘Life continues beyond happily ever after,’ Alys said. ‘Better safe than sorry.’

People in the know were convinced that the eldest Binat girls practised magic spells, for not only had the two grabbed eligible bachelors younger than themselves, but Bungles and Darsee also obeyed their every command. It was widely whispered that Alys did not want children; the scandalised concluded that Darsee’s acceptance of this proved that she was a highly accomplished witch. Beena dey Bagh was very unhappy at what was transpiring, but after Annie reminded her that Jeorgeullah was a catastrophe and to please not alienate Valentine, she accepted that he was marrying Alys, and she managed to find solace in the fact that a stellar educator was entering the family. Sherry was, of course, overjoyed, and Farhat Kaleen said no one could be happier than he and that no one could have prayed harder than he had for the Binat sisters to prosper. Ganju jee was ecstatic: the Binats were going from fake to real jewellery. The only person peeved was uber-designer Qazi of QaziKreations, because Alys and Jena were not ordering their bridal outfits from him. Instead, they were going to have their mother design them, because Mrs Binat had decided to give fashion designing a try: Pinkie Heirlooms, with an ecstatic tailor Shawkat at the helm. Still, Qazi was dressing their sisters, so there was yet a holiday or two for him in that.