Unexpected Eva (Triple Trouble #3)(30)

Happy bubble.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I shouldn’t have asked. You don’t have to answer.”

She stares at me for a bit longer, then shuffles backward out of our embrace, but remains on her side as she pulls the covers up under her chin.

I wasn’t expecting her to share her personal circumstances, but she does.

“Things changed when Ewan lost his job and could not find a new one. In fact, I’ll rephrase that. He didn’t try to find a new one because he was already alcohol dependent. He turned to alcohol. More than usual,” she begins softly.

Well, this is news to me.

She continues. “I was too blind to see it before, but it was always there. A little undercurrent of needing to always be out drinking or having to drink before evening meals. Afterward too. His need to drink more than everyone else when we were on nights out is so obvious now. Before he lost his job, the after-work beer turned into three or four beers, then it became more. Nights out with the boys became more frequent. It spiraled out of control.

“Then our sex life became nonexistent. Alcohol became his new addiction. He replaced me and his boys with liquor.”

“I’m sorry, Eva.”

She shakes her head. “Ewan’s drinking became more extreme as the months slowly dragged by. It was gradual. You know, like a roller coaster at the start of the uphill climb, slow, steady, fun to start with and then whoosh, it took hold of him and he became someone I no longer recognized and it no longer became fun through the triple loops and twists. Especially the aftermath of his drinking escapades. He changed. Became someone I no longer recognized. Unacceptable behavior became his default setting, crossing boundaries I still find incomprehensible.

“The part that annoys me the most is that he blamed me for making him turn to drink. Said it was my fault. I made him feel inadequate. ‘Emasculated’ was how he put it. Apparently, my successful dance school made him feel like he wasn’t needed anymore. But his drinking started waaayyyyyy before then. He used that as an excuse.”

Motherfucker.

Eva rolls over onto her back and stares straight ahead, eyeballing the ceiling.

Lying motionless, she recounts the sequence of events. “It was like the light went off in his eyes. A simple flick of a switch, and he stopped trying. My teenage sweetheart, the one I dated since I was at high school. The guy who swept me off my feet, whom I could never get enough of, the guy I thought was the love of my life, who treated me like a princess, turned into an egotistical, mean, self-centered, aggressive human being. Although to call him human would be an understatement. He became a zombie.

“His warm eyes turned cold along with his heart. Empty. Just like our marriage. Loveless. He gave up on us. He may have been there physically, but emotionally he left us. The only excitement he showed was first thing in the morning when he could head to the store to buy more alcohol. I knew he was sneakily drinking his purchases along the winding lane behind our house. I walked that lane many times and eventually one day, I found a bush where he was stashing all his empty spirit bottles. It made me sick to my stomach when I saw the quantity and extent of his secret.”

I have so many questions but I let her tell her story.

She pushes her fingers into her forehead. “Then his alcohol dependency hit new levels, and I still don’t fully understand what happened to us and to him. No matter how many times I suggested he seek help, he refused. Ewan stopped caring about us and himself. He drank his days away and completely gave up trying to have a career. The alcohol poisoned him from the inside out. He lost himself in it. Its venom ran through his veins. I stopped him from attending any of our family events, even Christmas. He couldn’t be trusted not to embarrass me or make a fool of himself. As the days and weeks passed, he became vicious with his tongue. Mean to the boys. Hurtful when he played with them, being too rough. He maintained Hamish and Archie were too soft and needed to man up. What a prick. But I saw what he was doing. What Ewan deemed as playful toy fighting was, in fact, him being aggressive toward our children. The alcohol skewed his perspective on everything, including his strength, poisoning his soul and good nature. Hurting my boys, his boys, physically and mentally, overstepped the mark for me.

“Ewan wore me out. Ground me down. Being around him exhausted me, putting me on edge even having the simplest of conversations. It got to the point where I would make excuses to leave the house to get away from him. I couldn’t handle any more of the name-calling. It was too hurtful. The way he lashed hateful words at my already broken heart, he ripped it open and my heart poured out sorrow and sadness, flooding every inch of my body. It was overwhelming, all-consuming, and threatened my own mental well-being. But I was hell-bent on not allowing him to do that to me.”

Eva fails to detect my anger that’s radiating off my skin. Christ, I might tear Ewan’s fucking head off the next time I see him.

Oblivious, Eva’s words keep flowing out. “The final nail in the coffin was the day I booked a doctor's appointment. It was my intervention of sorts. When the doctor looked Ewan dead in the eye and asked if he wanted his help to get sober, Ewan flat-out said, ‘No, I don’t have a drinking problem.’ That's the day I knew I had to end our marriage. It would never be the same. I had to protect my boys. And in a way, I was grateful for that day. Ewan’s words helped me finally see everything with vivid clarity. That one sentence told me everything I needed to know, that our marriage was not worth saving, that drinking was more important than our little family, our marriage, and he was in denial. He had a problem. And I did something I never thought I could. That same day I asked him to leave. And boy, did he put up a fight.” She fake laughs, recalling the events.