Unbreak My Heart (Unbreak My Heart #1)(36)

“I can do that.”

“Gunner hates bedtime, but don’t let him sleep with you. You’ll never get him into the crib again.”

“No co-sleeping. Got it,” she whispered, her thumbs sweeping back and forth at my temples.

“Make sure you take your vitamins, okay?” I asked, rubbing my lips lightly over her cheek and jaw. “You’ve been too sick.”

I let her legs slide slowly back down my hips, and she stiffened as her face turned scared.

“Take care of my children,” I whispered, sliding my hand under her nightgown to rest it on the skin of her belly.

“I will. I promise.”

I nodded, kissing her hard once before pulling her hands away from my head.

“I’ll call home when I can,” I promised as I held her hands tightly.

She was trying to pull away so she could reach for me, but stopped when I raised her hands to my mouth and kissed her knuckles. “Go into the house.”

“No,” she argued, shaking her head frantically.

“Go into the house, Kate.”

“No. No.” She was killing me.

“I don’t want you standing out here alone. Go into the house. Right now, Katie,” I ordered, giving her a little push. My stomach was in f*cking knots.

She stared at me with wide eyes before finally nodding, then took a step back only to reach forward one more time to kiss me hard.

Then I watched her walk quickly to the house, her shoulders squared and head held high, and as she went through the front door I climbed in the backseat of Miles’s truck.

“Cutting it close, man.” Miles said, backing out of the driveway.

“Just drive,” I ordered, dropping my head back against the seat as I pushed a shaking hand into my pocket to fist the four little socks that smelled like my children.

It was going to be a long deployment.

*



“Hello?”

I inhaled deeply at the sound of Katie’s voice, the hot air almost choking me. It had been less than a week since I’d left them in California, and while I knew it would get more bearable over time, at that moment I was incredibly homesick.

“Hey, it’s me.”

“Shane!” she screeched, making me laugh. “I didn’t think you’d get to call so soon!”

“Had a little bit of time so I wanted to check and see how things were going. How’re the kids?”

“They’re good. Oh my God, they’re going to be so excited you called. I’ll go get them—”

“Hold up,” I cut her off, chuckling. “First you talk to me. How’re Kell and Sage doing?”

“They’re good. Well, Kell’s had a few meltdowns, but nothing terrible, and Sage has been ending up with me most nights, but pretty good all around. I think having Aunt Ellie and Uncle Mike here helps.”

“That’s good. That’s really good.” I pulled my sunglasses off and pinched the bridge of my nose. “How about Gavin and Gunner?”

“Gavin’s, well, Gavin. Nothing really fazes that kid, does it? And Gunner is soaking up having Aunt Ellie here to pamper him. I swear she hasn’t put him down once,” she said, giving a little laugh that sounded strained.

“What about you? How’re you doing?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” she answered breezily.

“Kate,” I said warningly.

“Totally fine.”

“Kate.” I could tell when she was lying. I’d always been able to tell. She did this thing where the last word of her sentence would get a little higher-pitched.

“The first couple of days were hard, okay? I was upset, and I think having Aunt Ellie and Uncle Mike here gave me a bit of a free pass to lose it.”

“What happened?” I sat up straighter in my chair, my stomach clenching. What the f*ck did she mean?

“I was just sicker than normal,” she said quietly.

“Why didn’t you take your pills?” My question came out sharper than I’d intended, and I heard her let out a little huff.

“I couldn’t keep them down,” she mumbled.

“What the f*ck, Kate?” My short fingernails dug into my palm as I felt a headache forming at my temples. “Did you go to the emergency room?”

“No, I didn’t,” she shot back. “I was fine at home. I think it was just the emotional overload. After a couple of days, I was back to normal.”

“You can’t do that shit,” I growled, feeling out of control as I rubbed my hands over my face. “I left my kids with you, Kate. You can’t just f*cking fall apart.”

“Wow. Okay, um—” She sniffled, and I felt like such an *. I didn’t want to make her cry. Shit.

I couldn’t get past the anger that my feeling of helplessness had stirred. I couldn’t deal with this shit. Didn’t she realize that? Did she realize where my focus was supposed to be, and how incredibly bad it would be if my focus was at home with her because she was losing her shit? Fuck. I needed her to keep things under control in California.

I’d never had to deal with that shit with Rachel.

“I’m going to bring Sage the phone,” she said hoarsely. “Do you have enough time?”

“Yeah, I’ve got a few more minutes.” I wanted to apologize. I could tell I’d hurt her feelings, but she could not fall apart when I was halfway around the world. She’d promised to take care of the kids. What the f*ck would I do if she couldn’t handle it?