Ugly Love: A Novel(73)

I hug him.

I needed to hear that more than I knew.





chapter thirty-one


TATE


I’m trying to listen to Corbin go on about his conversation with Mom, but all I can think about is the fact that Miles is due home any minute now. It’s been ten days since he’s been home, and that’s the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other since the weeks we spent not speaking.

“Have you told Miles yet?” Corbin asks.

“Told him what?”

Corbin faces me. “That you’re moving out.” He points at the potholder on the counter next to me.

I toss him the potholder and shake my head. “I haven’t talked to him since last week. I’ll probably tell him tonight.”

Honestly, I’ve wanted to tell him I found my own apartment all week, but that would involve either calling or texting him, two things we don’t do. The only times we text each other are when we’re both home. I think we do this because it helps us maintain our boundaries.

It’s not like the move is a big deal anyway. I’m only moving a few blocks away. I found an apartment that’s closer to both work and school. It’s definitely no downtown high-rise, but I love it.

I do wonder, though, how it will affect things between Miles and me. I think that’s one of the reasons I haven’t mentioned that I was even looking for my own place. There’s a fear in the back of my mind that not being right across the hall from him will become too inconvenient, and he’ll just call off whatever is going on between us.

Corbin and I both look up as soon as the apartment door opens and there’s a quick knock on it. I glance at Corbin, and he rolls his eyes.

He’s still adapting.

Miles walks into the kitchen, and I see the smile that wants to spread across his face when he sees me, but he keeps it in check when he sees Corbin.

“What are you cooking?” Miles asks him. He leans against the wall and folds his arms across his chest, but his eyes are scrolling up my legs. They pause when he sees I’m wearing a skirt, and then he smiles in my direction. Luckily, Corbin is still facing the stove.

“Dinner,” Corbin says with a clipped voice.

He takes a while to adapt.

Miles looks at me again and stares for a few silent seconds. “Hey, Tate,” he says.

I grin. “Hey.”

“How were midterms?” His eyes are everywhere on me but my face.

“Good,” I say.

He mouths, You look pretty.

I smile and wish more than anything that Corbin wasn’t standing here right now, because it’s taking all I have not to throw my arms around Miles and kiss the hell out of him.

Corbin knows why Miles is here. Miles and I just try to respect the fact that Corbin still doesn’t like what’s going on between us, so we keep it behind closed doors.

Miles is chewing on the inside of his cheek, fidgeting with his shirtsleeve, watching me. It’s quiet in the kitchen, and Corbin still hasn’t turned around to acknowledge him. Miles looks like he’s about to burst at the seams.

“Fuck it,” he says, gliding across the kitchen toward me. He takes my face in his hands and kisses me, hard, in front of Corbin.

He’s kissing me.

In front of Corbin.

Don’t analyze this, Tate.

He’s pulling my hands, dragging me out of the kitchen. As far as I know, Corbin is still facing the stove, trying his best to ignore us.

Still adapting.

We get to the living room, and Miles separates his mouth from mine. “I haven’t been able to think about anything else today,” he says. “At all.”

“Me, neither.”

He pulls me by the hand toward the front door. I follow. He opens it, walks to his apartment, and pulls his keys out of his pocket. His luggage is still outside in the hallway.

“Why is your luggage out here?”

Miles pushes open his apartment door. “I haven’t been home yet,” he says. He turns around and grabs his things from the hallway, then holds the door open for me.

“You came to my apartment first?”

He nods, then tosses his duffel bag onto the couch and pushes his suitcase against the wall. “Yep,” he says. He grabs my hand and pulls me to him. “I told you, Tate. Haven’t thought about anything else.” He smiles and lowers his head to kiss me.

I laugh. “Aw, you missed me,” I say teasingly.

He pulls back. You would think I’d just told him I loved him with the way his body tenses up.

“Relax,” I say. “You’re allowed to miss me, Miles. It doesn’t break your rules.”

He backs up a few steps. “You thirsty?” he asks, changing the subject like he always does. He turns and heads toward the kitchen, but everything about him just changed. His demeanor, his smile, his excitement over finally seeing me after ten days.

I stand in the living room and watch it all crumble.

I’m hit by a reality check, but it feels more like a meteor.

This man can’t even admit that he misses me.

I’ve been holding out hope that if I take it slowly enough with him, he’ll eventually break through whatever it is that’s holding him back. The entire past few months, I’ve been under the assumption that maybe he just can’t handle the way things have developed between us and he needs time, but it’s clear now. It’s not him.