Two Kinds Of Truth(58)

He turns to me then, and tears are flowing silently down his cheeks.

Once again, I fling my arms around his neck and he pulls me tight as I hug him close. I don’t ever want to let him go. Words are not appropriate. Only my actions can help him now. I crush his body to mine and hope it’s enough.

I hear someone approach, but this time I don’t release Jamie. I hold onto him until his grip loosens. I feel my own tears slide down my face, and when Jamie finally pulls away, his eyes are red and swollen.

“Come back in the morning,” says a nurse with kind eyes. “We’ll know more by then.”

My boots squeak against the linoleum as I walk away, Jamie right behind me. We head past the nurses’ station and into the hospital lift. We don’t say a word to one another. There is no need.

When we push open the main doors, I embrace the cold that blows into my face. It feels refreshing against my skin. I stare over at the car, still parked at the front of the main building, and let out a sigh of relief.

“I had a horrible feeling the car may have been clamped by security in our absence,” I say.

“Or worse, towed away,” Jamie says with a sigh.

“Yes, that too.”

Jamie checks the windscreen. “Aye, and there’s no penalty notice, either.” He pulls the car keys from his jeans pocket and unlocks the door and climbs into the driver’s seat as I head over to the passenger side.

“Are you okay to drive?” I ask.

He starts the engine. “I’m fine,” and he shoves the gearstick from neutral and into first.

He drives slowly through the hospital grounds as I stare out of the window, searching along the side of the building for Alasdair’s room. Part of me doesn’t want to leave him behind.

“If he survives, it’s thanks to ye,” Jamie says as we hit the main road.

I turn towards him and shake my head. “No, Jamie, we both did our best to save him. Please don’t beat yourself up or take the blame; this was nobody’s fault.”

Jamie takes a deep breath and grabs the wheel tighter, his knuckles turning white. “But he suffers from Angina and he ne’er told me.”

“Again, that’s not your fault. He’s a proud man and clearly didn’t want to tell anyone.”

Jamie strikes the wheel with his fist, taking me by surprise.

“But I should’ve known,” he declares. “I should’ve seen the signs.”

“Pull over.”

“What?”

“You heard me. I said, pull over.”

Jamie steers the car onto the grass verge.

“Get out,” I say, and he looks at me as though I’ve gone stark raving mad. I open my door and clamber out onto the bank. It’s freezing, the temperature having dropped dramatically, and I pull my jacket closer to block out the icy wind.

Jamie walks around the car and stands in front of me.

“Let’s get one thing clear,” I say. “What happened to granda isn’t anyone’s fault. He’s a stubborn old mule, and blaming yourself is only going to make matters worse.”

“I cannae help it,” he says, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets. “We live together twenty-four-seven and yet I ne’er knew anything about his condition.”

I lean my arm against the car. “So, in future you keep an eye on him. Check he’s taking his medication.”

Jamie rests his back on the car door and stares out across the surrounding countryside. It’s bleak, and I can tell, by the tightening of Jamie’s jaw, that he still blames himself. He lets out a heavy sigh. “It’s times like this I wish I smoked,” he jokes, and for the first time the corners of my mouth lift into a smile.

“Yeah, me too,” I agree, and the tension between us melts away.

“We should be getting back,” he says. “There’s work to do and animals to feed.”

I reach out and touch the back of his hand. He places his fingers on top of mine and I suffer a delicious sexual shiver down my spine; his touch is electric.

“Jamie, why am I drawn to you? It’s like…you’re a drug I simply can’t get enough of.”

His fingers tighten around mine. “Please…don’t say another word.”

“I can’t help it,” I whisper.

“But it would only end by us hurtin’ the one person we both love.”

I drop my gaze and he lets go of my hand then climbs back into the car, and I go back to my side and get in. In silence, Jamie drives us home, and the moment we arrive outside the farmhouse, my mobile goes off.

“I’ll grab some outdoor gear from one of the sheds and catch ye later,” Jamie says.

I nod, step out of the car and press the phone to my ear.

“Hey, Keira, how lovely to hear from you.”

“Maddie, I’ve had a call from Callum. I’m so sorry to hear about granda.”

I switch the phone to my other ear and wait until Jamie heads off in the opposite direction.

“It’s been a nightmare,” I confess. “Alasdair suffered a cardiac arrest and is on a ventilator.”

I hear Keira take a sharp intake of breath. “Oh, no, how awful. Is he going to be okay?”

“We don’t know for sure. The nurses couldn’t tell us much, but they did say he’s in a stable condition for now.”