Twisted(51)

He closes his eyes tightly. I don’t really expect him to agree with me. It’s a hard pill for any man to swallow, especially a man like Drew. But he listened. And I can only hope that he’ll think about what I said and realize that my life—our life—is better with a friend like Billy in it.

The fact that he’s not actively disagreeing with me is enough for now.

He rubs his eyes wearily with the palms of his hands. When they drop, he asks me a question. And there’s despondent curiosity in every syllable. “Why didn’t you just tell me, Kate? When you first thought you could be pregnant. Why didn’t you say anything?”

It’s something you’ve been wondering about too, isn’t it? None of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t kept my suspicions to myself.

“I was . . . stunned. Scared. I didn’t even know how I felt about the possibility of being pregnant and . . . I wasn’t sure how you would feel about it. I needed time to process it. To accept it. To—eventually—be excited about it. And I was. After my appointment with Bobbie, I was happy. I was coming home to tell you . . . but . . . it was too late.”

Drew tells me, “I tried so goddamn hard not to jump to conclusions. Again. When I saw a guy’s name in your calendar and then you lied about where you were going . . . I was really pissed. But then I cooled off and I thought, maybe it was good thing. Maybe you were going to buy me something, or plan a surprise.”

“And instead of asking me, or waiting to see what the surprise was, you followed me?”

“I couldn’t just sit there. I had to do something. And then I saw you, in the parking lot, looking so happy to see that son of a bitch. I never thought you’d cheat on me. I didn’t want to believe it, but it was right there in front of me.”

“My grandmother used to say, ‘Don’t believe anything you hear, and only half of what you see.’?”

Drew snorts. “She was f*cking genius.”

I’m willing to accept the part I played in the situation, but I don’t have a martyr complex. So I ask, “If you thought I was cheating on you, why couldn’t you react like a normal guy? Punch a wall or get drunk. Why do you have to come up with these diabolical schemes, like some super-villain from Batman?”

He shakes his head and touches my hair. “When I thought I saw what I saw . . . it was a nightmare. It was hell. Nothing God or Satan could ever dream up would come close to feeling as awful as that.”

“I can relate.”

“And I just wanted it to go away. The f*cking crushing pain. Even for a little while. So, after I bought the bottle of Jack, I went to this gentlemen’s club me and the guys used to go to in the old days. She was just . . . there. And you know what they say—the best way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else.”

“Nobody says that, Drew.”

“Well, they should. Anyway, I got the idea that if you saw me with someone else, you’d realize what you were losing. And then you’d . . . stop . . . and come back to me. Plead for mercy. Beg my forgiveness. I had it all planned out.”

Dryly, I reply, “Yeah, that worked out well.”

“I said it was a plan—I didn’t say it was a good plan.”

He turns somber. “When you walked out . . . I went a little insane. I just couldn’t believe . . . that you didn’t pick me.” And he sounds so broken, so unlike the man I’ve lived with for two years.

Guilt-and grief-laden tears fall from my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Drew pulls me into his arms. His lips rest against my neck as he professes, “I’m so sorry, Kate.” Then he pulls back and wipes my cheeks. “Please don’t cry. I don’t want to make you cry ever again.”

I sniffle and rub the wetness from my eyes. “That first night, after dinner at your parents’, what would you have said if I’d told you then?”

A small smile tugs at his lips as he imagines the wonderful what-if. “I would’ve gone to the pharmacy, no matter what time it was, and I would’ve bought one of those home pregnancy tests. Or ten! And I would’ve sat at the table with you while you drank a gallon of water so we could use every frigging one.”

I chuckle tearily, because that sounds about right.

“And when they all came back positive, I would’ve lined them up and taken a picture with my phone so we could text it to your mom and my parents, Matthew, and Alexandra. And then I would’ve picked you up and carried you to the bedroom, and I would’ve spent the next few hours wearing us both out. But it would’ve been slow, gentle, because I probably would’ve been worried about hurting you. And then, after, when we were lying there . . . I would’ve told you I can’t wait for the next nine months to go by.” His beautiful blue eyes shine with tenderness and passion. “Because I just know we’ll make the best kind of babies.”

With a laugh, I brush his dark hair off his forehead. Then I lean forward and seal his sweet dream with a kiss.

And he asks me, “If I’d been alone in the apartment that night, what would you have said? How would you have told me?”

My eyes fill up with tears again, and I get up from the bed and take the tiny baby T-shirt from my dresser drawer. I hold it behind my back as I move to stand in front of Drew.

I say softly, “I would’ve sat you down and told you that when I started working at the firm, I never expected to meet someone like you. And that I never expected to fall in love with you. I really never expected you’d love me every bit as much in return. And then I would’ve said that the greatest things in life are the ones you never expected. And then I would’ve given you this.”