Twisted(46)

Kind of makes you wonder just how hard Delores hit him, huh?

“Of course I’m pregnant!”

He takes a step forward. And his face looks like one of those theater masks, horror and hope side by side. “Is it mine?”

I don’t answer right away because I’m so surprised by the question.

“Who . . . who else’s would it be?”

“Bob’s,” he says matter-of-factly. Like he actually believes I know what he’s talking about.

“Bob?”

“Yes, Kate—Bob. The guy who means everything to you. Obviously you’ve been f*cking him, so how the hell do you know the baby’s not his?”

I flip through my mental Rolodex, looking for a Bob, trying to figure out why in God’s name Drew thinks I’d be f*cking him. “The only Bob I know . . . is Roberta.”

That takes the wind right out of his sails. “Who?”

“Roberta Chang. Bobbie—Bob. I went to school with her. She’s an ob-gyn. You saw me go into her office the night you followed me. That’s how you knew . . .”

His eyes widen, thinking. And then he shakes his head in disbelief.

In denial.

“No. No—I saw you with a guy. You were meeting him. He picked you up and hugged you. He kissed you. He had food.”

It takes me a moment to process his words, and then I remember. “Oh—that was Daniel. Roberta’s husband. He lived with us in during undergrad too. They just moved to the city a few months ago. I told you about them.”

Drew’s expression is unreadable. Then he takes a hand and rubs it down his face—hard—like he wants to scrape off skin. “Okay, just . . . go with me here for a second. When you wrote the name Bob in your calendar, you were talking about Roberta, who’s a woman and a baby doctor that you went to school with in Philadelphia?”

“Yes.”

“And the guy that I saw you with, in the parking lot, is her husband and also an old friend of yours?”

“Yes.”

His voice is tight. Strained. “And you think we’ve been fighting this whole time because . . . ?”

“Because you don’t want me to have the baby.”

Have you ever seen a skyscraper demolished? I have. It implodes. From the top down, so as not to damage the buildings beside it. And that’s exactly what Drew does. Right in front of my eyes. He crumbles.

His legs give out and he falls to his knees. “Oh, God . . . Jesus Christ . . . I can’t believe . . . f*ck . . . I’m an idiot . . . so f*cking stupid . . .”

And I go down with him. “Drew? Are you all right?”

“No . . . no, Kate . . . I’m so far from all right, it’s scary.”

I grab his hands and his eyes meet mine. And just like that—it all makes sense. Finally.

The things he did.

The things he said.

It all falls into place like the last piece of a mosaic.

“You thought I was having an affair?”

He nods. “Yeah.”

The world spins and I’m barely breathing. “How could you think that? How could you ever believe I would cheat on you?”

“There was a guy’s name in your calendar . . . and you lied . . . and I saw you hugging that man. How could you think I wouldn’t want a baby? Our baby?”

“You told me to have an abortion.”

His hands tighten around mine. “I would never say that to you.”

“You did. You told me to end it.”

He shakes his head and groans. “End the affair, Kate. Not the baby.”

My chin rises defensively. “But I wasn’t having an affair.”

“Well, I didn’t f*cking know that.”

“Well, you f*cking should have!!”

I tear my hands from his and push him on his shoulders. “God, Drew!” I stand up, needing to get away from him, because it’s all too much. “You can’t treat people like this! You can’t treat me like this!”

“Kate, I’m—”

I whirl around and point a finger at him. “If you tell me you’re sorry, I will kick your balls up into your eye sockets, I swear to God!”

He closes his mouth. Smart move.

I push my hair out of my face. And pace.

Am I supposed to feel better now? Because it really was all just a mistake?

If a house gets destroyed by lightning, do you think the owners are cheered by the fact that the lightning didn’t mean to strike their house?

Of course not.

Because the damage is already done.

“You ruined it, Drew. I was so excited to tell you . . . and now whenever I think about it, all I’ll remember is how horrible this has all been!” I stop pacing. And my voice trembles. “I needed you. When I saw the blood . . . when they told me I was losing the baby . . .”

Drew reaches for me, still on his knees. “Baby, I don’t know what you’re saying . . .”

“Because you weren’t here! If you’d been here then you’d know, but you weren’t! And . . .” My voice cracks and tears blur my vision. “And you promised. You promised you wouldn’t do this . . .” I cover my face with my hands, and I cry.

I cry for every second of useless pain. For the crevasse that’s still between us—and for the stupid choices that created it. And I don’t mean just his. I’m a big girl—I can take my share of the blame.