Turning Point(72)

    “I haven’t been a great wife either,” she said, as they sat holding hands. “It’s hard to do both. I want to be the best doctor, but then I’m a lousy mom.”

“You’re not a lousy mom. And one day they’ll respect you for what you do. Other kids have working parents, and they do fine.” She nodded. That was what she had hoped but it was harder than she’d thought it would be. Someone was always getting short shrift, their marriage if not their kids. “I think I just gave up somewhere along the way. I was so busy feeling sorry for myself and being pissed at you. Do you want out, Steph?” It was a big question at the wrong time, but as she looked at him, she knew she didn’t. If Ryan died, they would need each other. They would either way.

“No, I don’t,” she said in a voice raw with emotion, and knew she meant it.

“Let’s try to make it work. I don’t know if we can, but let’s try. Not for them, for us. And they need us both.”

    They sat with his arm around her for a long time, and when Stephanie looked up, she saw Valérie and Tom in the doorway. They had come to check on them and sat down quietly next to them.

“How is he?” Tom asked Stephanie.

“Not good, but he’s still alive.” Tom nodded. They had brought some soup and sandwiches, and they only stayed a short time. They didn’t want to intrude, and they said the others sent their love. They’d canceled their meetings for the day, and they’d all had lunch together. Valérie had postponed her mysterious lunch. And Gabriel was beside himself and said that Stephanie wouldn’t answer his texts. But if her child was dying, she wouldn’t. She and Andy needed this time alone with him, whatever they did after that. Valérie wasn’t sure what was happening after she saw them, and she and Tom talked about it. He had the feeling that they were making peace, but it was hard to tell during the crisis.

They went back and sat with Ryan after Tom and Valérie left. He woke up a few times, and the fever was slowly coming down. They had him down to a hundred by that night, and in the morning his temperature was normal. They had had Aden seen by his pediatrician by then, and he was fine. And Ryan had survived for thirty-six hours, which seemed like a miracle given how sick he was. It was Tuesday. Andy looked at her as a nurse brought them coffee in the waiting room.

“Did you mean what you said, or was that just terror talking?” Andy asked her. He didn’t want to hold her hostage, and he knew she was in love with someone else. He’d known it since she came back from France. “About our marriage, I mean.”

“I want to try. That’s all we can do. Let’s give it a shot.” She smiled at him. “I’m still me and you’re still you, the good and the bad parts. We used to love each other, and we still do. Maybe we can figure out how to make it work again.” He nodded. It was what they had to work with. It wasn’t perfect, but it was worth another try before they gave up.

    Andy went home that night and got Aden from the Sanchezes. He was fine. He wasn’t sick, and probably wouldn’t get sick now. She had promised to call Andy if anything happened and Ryan got worse again. He wasn’t completely out of the woods yet, even with viral meningitis. With bacterial, he would have been dead by then. She slept in a chair in his room that night, and she stroked his hair and kissed him, and thanked God that he didn’t die, and hopefully wouldn’t now.

Andy relieved her in the morning, and she went home to shower and change, and then she called Gabriel. He sounded frantic when he picked up. They were continuing their meetings and had had the earthquake drill the day before.

“My God, I’ve been worried sick about you. How is he?”

“He’s still very sick, but I think he’s going to be okay. He has viral meningitis. Thank God it wasn’t bacterial, but he’s been very sick.”

“I know, Valérie told us. She said you’d get in touch with me when you could. Thank you for calling me, my darling.” He sounded near tears.

“I want to see you,” she said quietly.

“Of course. Come to my room. I’ll meet you there.” She didn’t want to do that. She didn’t trust herself. She still loved him. But she loved Andy too. She knew that now. And it was too soon to let go and quit. If Ryan had survived and beat the odds, maybe they could too. And she knew something else now. Whatever happened with Andy, she couldn’t give up her job at UCSF. Not for Andy or Gabriel, or anyone. She couldn’t move to France. She wanted to stay here and do what she was doing there. It was too much to give up. She couldn’t give up her job any more than she could give up her kids. She didn’t want to start over somewhere else. She needed to stay here.

    “Let’s take a walk,” she suggested. “I need some air.”

She met him at the Ferry Building and they walked along the Embarcadero while she told him what she had to do. She had to try again with Andy, even if it didn’t work in the end, but it might. And she couldn’t give up her job. She didn’t want to. It meant too much to her. He cried when she told him and told her she had broken his heart. He said he was going to get divorced for her, and she wondered if it was true. If he were, he’d have called a lawyer when she left Paris before he came to the States, but he hadn’t, and she might have ended up like Wendy, waiting years for him to leave his wife, if he ever did. She’d never know now. But the sacrifices would have been too great on her side anyway, a man, a marriage, a career that she had built for years and sacrificed for. She hoped that she and Andy could put the broken pieces back together. It was possible, but nothing was sure in life. She had almost lost her son in the last three days, almost left her marriage. She felt as though she had lost her mind for a while, and she had found it again. Whatever happened with Andy, she had found herself.