Toxic (Ruin, #2)(60)

It was killing me.
“Say…” I nipped her upper lip.
“Don’t stop,” she whispered. “New memories, Gabe. In this house, just you and me.”
I pushed the ghosts of Kimmy away from my mind and focused on the present. Focused on Saylor, and only Saylor, as we kept kissing. I pushed my hand against her stomach, brushing my knuckles against her ribs. Saylor gasped. I tore my mouth away from hers, making eye contact with her briefly before she tangled her hands in my hair and pulled me hard against her mouth again. Another kiss, this one stronger, hungrier, deeper. Her mouth moved from my mouth to my ear, her hot breath giving me chills all the way down my spine. I was consumed by her, each touch and kiss made it harder for me to keep clothing between us — when all I wanted was to make her mine.
My hands pushed against her bare skin, inching higher and higher, a soft moan escaped. My body cried out, and I slowly pulled back the pressure of my kiss, because as hard as it was, each kiss also reminded me that I wouldn’t be giving Saylor everything I had — because I wasn’t in possession of everything right now.
Because how could I truly take from Saylor? How could I truly give myself to her? When part of my heart was still missing?
And that was the problem.
My heart had never been engaged with other girls and one night stands. But with Saylor? I was pretty sure had I had my heart in the palm of my hand I would have handed it to her then lain prostrate on the floor. Just hoping, begging, for her to accept it even though it didn’t look like other hearts. Even though it was damaged.
Saylor’s hands dug into the sides of my body as she moved on top of me. H-o-o-ly shit. This wasn’t going to end well.
“Say—” I was cut off by another kiss. “Saylor, we can’t. I can’t sleep with you.”
She pulled back, a smile forming at her swollen mouth, “Who said anything about sleep?”
“No.” Why the hell was my face heating up? “I mean we can’t have sex.”
Her smile returned. “Did I tell you I was going to have sex with you?”
“Well… no.” Damn it.
“So?” She leaned down until her breasts were brushing against my chest. Hell. Turn on the AC already. Great plan, Gabe. A fireplace? What was I thinking?
“So.” I licked my lips. “I’m confused.”
“You ever make out?” She kissed me softly. “Do you ever just kiss to kiss?”
“No.”
“You should.” She brushed another kiss on my neck. I groaned, grabbing her body and pulling her hard against me. “Sometimes, the appetizers are better than the main course.”
At that, I laughed. “Oh yeah? Prove it.” I put my hands behind my head and winked.
“Rule number one.” She traced the outline of my jaw with her finger. “Never let your guard down.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because I may just take you up on your offer.” With a smirk she pushed up my shirt and started licking.
Licking.
She was licking me.
And I was liking it.
Way. Too. Much.
“Say—”
And then she bit me, right where she’d licked me. There was sucking, something that I could only describe as swirling even though I knew it sounded insane. And more kissing.
I fought to keep my hips from driving toward her — from making this more than just kissing.
Her teeth nipped at my lower stomach where my jeans met skin, and then that damn tongue of hers went to work again.
I couldn’t focus on anything because my vision kept going blurry, so I closed my eyes.
Her hands dipped behind me, gripping my ass and then gripping harder as her fingers dug into flesh and then started to slowly massage.
Erotic, yes. Relaxing, even more so.
And before I knew it. I was getting sleepy. Not because I wasn’t as turned on as hell, but because she was just — everywhere. I felt her everywhere. I was like a fat happy cow before getting sacrificed. No doubt about it, I was going to most likely explode from want.
But in that moment… I savored every damn touch.
And allowed myself to succumb — to her.



Chapter Forty-Four
Funny — I’d never realized how stressed out Gabe was until I finally saw him resting. His face was slack, his jaw unclenched. He was male beauty personified — and all mine. For now, at least. For now, he was mine. —Saylor
Saylor
The bastard fell asleep.
I laughed softly and tucked my body next to his on the couch. My stomach was grumbling, but I decided to nap for a bit with him before ordering food. The minute my head fell against his chest, he wrapped his arms around me.
Gabe’s mouth found mine again.
We kissed, lazily kissed, neither one of us reached for each other, we merely lay there and let our lips graze and nip at one another.
It felt beautiful.
If our first kiss was a chaotic symphony exploding with all the wrong notes in the wrong places — our third kiss? Our fourth? Were a song. A very pretty, perfectly played, song.
“I miss her,” he whispered against my hair. “I miss her so much. How can I be so happy to be with you, to be in your arms? How can I want you so badly? Yet still miss her?” Gabe’s eyes didn’t open, if anything he squeezed them shut tighter and pulled me against him.
“Because…” I played with his golden hair, in the firelight it looked like a halo. “She was your first love, and every day you see her face you’re reminded that although she’s still here — she isn’t.”
Gabe sighed. “I feel like my heart’s getting ripped in two. I feel like one day you’re going to wake up and realize that this drama isn’t worth it. That I’m not worth it. Saylor, tell me tomorrow things won’t be different.”