Toxic (Ruin, #2)(40)

Her soft tongue pushed against my lips. When I opened my mouth, everything about Saylor became my identity as her scent and warmth swallowed me whole.
She moved her hands to my shoulders and then gave my long hair a little tug.
Of course she’d have no idea that hair pulling was my Achilles heel — but it was almost worse than that.
Because it turned off my need to be safe with her.
And made me want to give her everything.
My phone started buzzing in my pocket.
Not now. Anytime but now.
Her body was pressed too tight against me, the kiss more urgent then before. My phone kept buzzing as if reminding me that my time wasn’t my own — not anymore.
I broke off the kiss. “I’m sorry.” I fumbled with my phone and glanced at her swollen lips. “Damn sorry.” I shook my head and cursed all phones to hell. “But I have to take this.”
Without offering any other explanation, I answered.
“Oh Gabe, good.” Martha let out a shaky breath, “I was hoping you’d answer. Listen. There’s been a situation. A man came by—”
“What did he look like?” And just like that, reality hit me smack in the face. I still couldn’t have a normal life. An innocent girl like Saylor? Not my reality. No matter how bad I wanted it.
“He had really light brown hair and blue eyes.” Martha cleared her throat. “He asked for you by your real name.”
“Parker?” I asked.
She was silent and then said quietly, “No, your other name.”
“Shit.”
I heard Martha fumble with the phone a bit. “Not to worry. I set him to rights, but he wasn’t just looking for you. He asked for her.”
“By name?” God, I hoped… I prayed.
“Her full legal name.”
Guilt assaulted me. While I was here playing passionate music lover with Saylor, someone could have taken my world from me while simultaneously exposing every last private detail to the media.
“Do you need me to come?”
“No.” Martha let out the mother of all heavy sighs. “Just come on your normal day, and I’ll let you know if we see him again. He may still be hanging around, so just—be careful. And, Gabe?”
“Yeah?” My voice was hollow.
“Do you know who he is?”
“My dad.” I licked my lips. “And he’s finally figured it out.”
I ended the call and made my way toward the door. She’d heard me say something about my dad, but I knew I’d been far enough away that she didn’t hear anything that Martha had said. My secrets remained safe. For now.
“Is everything okay?” Saylor asked.
I couldn’t even look at her — didn’t want to see the disappointment in her face when I rejected her.
“Sure, um, look I have to go take care of something. Why don’t you keep practicing a bit longer and I’ll see you later, okay?”
“Gabe…”
“Yeah?” I had the door halfway open. So close.
“Why won’t you look at me?”
Steeling my resolve, I forced a happy go lucky smile and turned, giving her a sly wink. “Sorry, just lost in thoughts, you should probably practice another hour or so. No worries, everything’s fine.”
Her eyes scanned my face. “Is telling the truth so hard, Gabe?”
My smile fell. “You have no idea.”
I pulled the door shut behind me and made my way down the hall. It was time to ask for Wes’s help — because someone in my family had finally told my dad about Princess.
Meaning. My time — really was up.
I took time to memorize the way the building smelled — I’d miss it. The way the architecture of UW was old yet managed to still feel new and exciting.
The salty smell of the ocean.
The mist hanging in the air.
My past had caught up to me — and I had to run.
For both our sakes.


Chapter Twenty-Eight
I wondered if there would ever come a day when Gabe would finally be free enough to be himself — the person he was born to be, not mask number one or smile number two. I wondered if he even knew how lost he really was — or if he was happy making the maze his home, the mask his identity, his life a lie. —Saylor
Saylor
“So, how are things going for you at the Home?” Lisa asked, taking a large bite out of her pizza and smacking her lips together. We’d been working at the Home for well over three weeks. “I’ve been doing some really cool art projects with everyone, but other than that it’s been pretty uneventful.” Lisa sighed heavily and took another large bite out of her pizza.
Just with her mention of the Home — my body went hot all over, because I associated the Home with Gabe, and when I thought of Gabe, I thought of kissing.
It had been two days since my kiss with Gabe.
And yes, I was counting. Because that was also two days during which I hadn’t heard one word from him. It wasn’t like I could go to the Home and see if he was there; that’s something called stalking and it’s illegal. I even thought about lying and saying I left my cell phone, but with my luck he’d see right through it and know just how pathetic I really was.
And how much I wanted him to kiss me again.
I wasn’t sure if that’s how it would always be with Gabe. Either we were arguing or kissing. Regardless, I recognized something. Being with Gabe was like going to a zoo and watching the lions stalk in front of the windows of their cage. Give them their freedom and they’ll devour you, but as long as they keep themselves contained — keep everything in check — they’re safe.