Touch Me Not (Manwhore, #1)(77)

It took a little over an hour to reach the hotel because of early morning traffic, but Luther was waiting when Lily parked the car. He helped Nikoli out and started to lead him through a side door Lily hadn’t seen before. It was a back entrance only the staff used, but there was an elevator a few feet in front of the door. Once they got Nikoli to his room and settled in bed, Luther headed out, saying he needed to make arrangements for the car.

Lily sat down on the chair across from the bed and watched him sleep. He’d fallen out minutes after his head hit the pillow. Lily worried about a concussion, but he hadn’t shown any signs of one. He wasn’t dizzy or seeing double, and his eyes had been focused. Still, she worried, so she watched him for any signs of trouble.

She still couldn’t believe she’d been stupid enough to tell him she loved him. The look of shock in his eyes worried her. Even though she hadn’t meant for the words to slip out, she was glad they were out there. Sometimes, she thought Nikoli loved her as much as she loved him, but she couldn’t be sure. She loved him enough to risk her heart being broken.

It was a risky bet and one she didn’t know if she’d win.

When Nikoli opened his eyes several hours later, he saw Lily curled up in the chair she’d dragged close to the bed. She smiled softly when she saw him staring at her. His heart clenched, knowing what he was about to do to her. She didn’t deserve it, but he couldn’t risk his heart again. He just couldn’t.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” she said. “I was starting to get worried about you.”

“I’m fine.” He sat up and ran a hand through his hair. “Give me a few minutes, Lily Bells. Then we need to talk.” He got up and headed to the bathroom. He slowed down as soon as his injuries caught up to him. He’d been slammed into the car door more times than he could count. Sure enough, once he took his shirt off, he saw the bruise that ran the length of his arm and wrapped around his shoulder.

He turned on the shower and then slipped in a minute later, letting the hot water hit the bruises on his body to help soothe the sore muscles. How was he going to break her heart? How was he going to look into the eyes of the woman he loved and tell her he didn’t love her? How had he gotten into this mess in the first place?

All because he was determined to have the one woman who not only ignored him, but inspired a hunt like no other. She ran, and he chased. When he caught her, he found not a sly fox, but a sweet and innocent young woman who truly epitomized the meaning of a good person. He hadn’t been prepared for her. She made him laugh, made him question his own sense of self. She made him want to be a better person.

And despite all that, he was still going to break her.

Shutting off the shower, he dried off and put on the clean pair of jeans and t-shirt he’d left in here this morning for his after-race shower. He took a deep breath and opened the door. Lily was still sitting where he’d left her, but she was staring off into space, deep in thought.

He walked over and sat down on the bed. “We need to talk, Lily.”

She smiled up at him, and it nearly did him in. There was so much hope on her face.

“Yes, we do,” she said. “I didn’t mean to blurt it out like that, but I was scared, and then you were safe and I couldn’t help it. I do love you, Nikoli. I have for a long time.”

“No, Lily, you don’t love me.” He shook his head. “You just see what everyone else does, and you only think you love me…”

She reached up and put a finger to his lips. “Stop right there, Kincaid. I do see what you let everyone else see—the f*ck you, I don’t care what you think man, and then I see you. The man who is gentle, and takes care of those he cares about. The man who stopped what he was doing to buy a little girl a sucker because her mama didn’t have the money for it. I see the man who laughs, the man who can be kind and loving. I see the man I fell in love with, I see you.”

Nikoli didn’t know what to say. Lily really did see him, the man he hid from everyone, sometimes even Luther. How had he let her get this close?

“It doesn’t matter, Lily.”

“Of course it matters,” she argued.

“No, it doesn’t. I don’t love you, Lily.”

Her eyes. Dammit. He watched them go from so full of happiness to horror, and then to a deep and abiding hurt. It was as if someone had sucked all the joy out of them and left nothing but a broken and beaten landscape behind. Her face paled and her hands clutched the chair arms in a death grip.

She blinked, and he watched the tears pool in her eyes. More than anything, he wanted to pull her into his lap and tell her he was wrong, that he loved her too, but he didn’t. Instead he just sat there, his face expressionless.

Lily got up, and he watched her cautiously. She rummaged in her luggage until she found her tablet. She turned it on and made several swipes. What was she doing? Once she was done, she put her tablet back and then called the front desk for a taxi.

“What are you doing?” he asked, getting a little alarmed. She hadn’t said a word. He stood up and followed her.

“I’m going home.” Her voice shook. “There’s a noon flight back to Boston, and I was able to swap my ticket for it.”

“You don’t need to do that Lily,” he said. “You can ride back with me and Luther…”

“No, that’s not a good idea,” she interrupted. “I don’t want to see Luther’s pity. I’ve seen it on his face for so many other girls. I couldn’t bear it.”