Touch Me Not (Manwhore, #1)(55)
“You okay, Lily?” Nikoli asked, and she looked up to see a hint of concern in his eyes.
“If you don’t count the fact I’m practically naked, then yes, I’m fine,” she said, cutting her fish.
“Don’t be a prude,” he laughed. “You look beautiful.”
“You’re not the one showing off your naked ass, are you?”
“Want me to?” he countered, grinning. “I’ll be more than happy to drop my pants in here so everyone can get a good look at my naked ass.”
He stood up, and Lily hissed, “Don’t you dare!” She shook her head when he sat back down. He delighted in upsetting her. “Are you and Luther ready for the race next weekend?” They’d been gearing up for the race in Miami since she’d started dating him.
“Yes,” he said. “Luther still wants to add a few things, but I don’t want any electronics on that car. That is where we got caught with our pants down last time.”
“No, just let her run,” Lily agreed. The Mach 1 didn’t need electronics. They’d equipped it with a nitro system, but other than that, she was good. Let everyone else get taken out because of their electronics. If someone was going to beat Nikoli, they’d have to do it the old fashioned way—by racing.
“Want to come?” Nikoli asked softly, and Lily’s eyes shot up to his face. Had he just asked her to go to Miami with him?
“I…”
“I remember you told me your dad never let you go to this kind of race, and you’ve put as much time into getting the Mach 1 ready for this race as Luther and me. I thought maybe you’d like to be there to see her run.”
She stared. He was inviting her to go away for the weekend. Sure, Luther would be there, but she was betting Nikoli wasn’t going to be sharing a room with him. Could she do that? Could she go away with him and not give in to what she wanted to do more than anything else?
“You don’t have to answer now.” He smiled his snake-charmer’s smile. “You can tell me tomorrow.”
She smiled hesitantly in return. This was the Nikoli everyone else didn’t see. The guy who was sweet and kind and charming. Oh, he could be charming in the manwhore way, but this charm she’d only seen him use on her. The kindness in him was her downfall, and she knew it.
“So, tell me about VSL and how you ended up on that type of game.” It wasn’t a request, and Lily heard the command in his voice. She started to automatically answer, but stopped herself. She’d gotten in the habit of following orders, and she didn’t like it. The fact that she trusted him enough to do as he asked irritated her and overwhelmed her at the same time. It was very confusing. She and Rebekha had had several conversations about this very subject. It worried Lily that she was turning into one of the women she read about in books. Rebekha had assured her she wasn’t, had in fact pointed out how much stronger she’d gotten over the last month. She wondered what Janet would say…Janet would tell her to run screaming. She wasn’t into being a submissive any more than Lily was. Although, Lily admitted to herself, she found herself wondering what it would feel like to do just that with Nikoli. She’d mentioned to Rebekha that she’d been thinking of this, and Rebekha had neither encouraged her nor discouraged her. She’d told Lily to trust herself. Lot of help her shrink was.
“Why are you on there?” she countered.
“My brother introduced me to it,” he answered. “I was visiting him and saw it up on his laptop. Asked him what it was, and when he explained it, I was a goner. Perfect game for me.”
“It’s about more than just sex,” she told him. And it was. It wasn’t why she was there, not really. She loved the friends she’d made, and her business thrived because she treated her customers like family and helped them out when they needed helping. Lots of other gem merchants didn’t do credit. She did.
“Yes, Lily, it is,” Nikoli agreed. “Now, tell me how you found it?”
He made it a question, and she smiled. He always knew when to switch tactics on her. She was well aware of when he did it, but she didn’t mind. She’d rather answer questions than commands any day of the week.
“Well, Mike was the first one to find it. I never asked how he found it, mind you. He got Adam into playing it, and they both decided it might be good for me.”
“Good for you?”
Lily took another bite of her fish while she thought about the best way to answer him. It all had to do with her fears and those two trying to find ways of helping her. She loved them for it, and in truth, she’d discovered a place where she could be herself without fear of anyone or her own fears taking over. She felt safe there, to be herself. As safe as she felt with Nikoli.
“Mike and Adam thought it would help me,” she said finally. “Adam thought if I could get used to being intimate with someone online in a virtual setting where I couldn’t get scared, it might help me be able to deal with my fears in the real world. I was so embarrassed.” She laughed, remembering that conversation. “It wasn’t something I wanted to discuss with him. Virtual sex.” She shook her head, grinning.
“Did it help at all?” Nikoli asked, curiously.
She thought for a minute before answering. “Yeah, it did. Not with the physical aspect of my phobia, but with my own bashfulness and self-esteem. It was a place where I could be myself, be the person I hide from everyone else. No one cares in there how messed up I am in the real world, they only care about the little pixel person in front of them. It helped me learn to be myself in the real world.”