Time (Laws of Physics #3)(46)

“She’s worried about you.”

I set the guitar aside, sitting forward. “What? She is? She said that?”

“I was supposed to go to the Cincinnati concert, but couldn’t make it. So, I’m here instead.” His stare turned scrutinizing. “She wanted to make sure you were happy, doing well, getting enough sleep. She said you’ve been kind of distant the last few weeks.”

I pushed my fingers through my hair, and then brought them back to rub my forehead, eyes, and beard. “Shit.”

“Don’t be mad at Mona. It took me two hours of careful questioning to get it out of her, why she was so keyed up when we spoke.” Leo huffed a little laugh. “It was kind of cute though. For the first time ever, she was asking me hypothetical questions about the opposite sex instead of the other way around.”

“I’m not mad at Mona. Not at all. It’s just—” I bit back a curse and said the words out loud before I could catch them. “I miss her.” Glancing up, I locked eyes with my friend. “I miss her, man. It’s like, I can’t breathe. I’m drowning, suffocating in how much I miss her. I just need—”

Leo lifted an eyebrow when I didn’t continue. “What do you need?”

I didn’t know where to start. I needed to talk to her for hours, submerge myself in her brilliance and presence, debate and discuss, tease and laugh. I needed to not talk to her, sit with her, be quiet, together.

And yes, should things progress in that way and she was up for it, I needed to fuck her brains out.

I needed to taste every inch of her body, I needed her under me, above me, next to me. Reclined, kneeling, bending, on all fours. I needed her skin and sounds and lips and legs and neck and breasts and everything.

But I wasn’t going to say that to her brother. She was right. I had been distant.

“I need everything,” I finally said, and then laughed at myself.

“Oh? Is that all?” Leo also laughed, shaking his head. But his laughter quickly tapered. “You seem unhappy. And that’s a shame. I mean, this is your dream, right? Playing your own songs, music, live, for tens of thousands of people. They adore you, man. They can’t get enough. I think I can speak for Mona when I say she’d want you to enjoy it, not sit around and be miserable, missing her.”

“It’s honestly not even about missing Mona, not really.”

Leo sighed. “Then what’s it about?”

“What am I doing? What is this life? I want this?” I continued shaking my head. “I don’t. I thought I did, but I don’t. You’re right, playing my songs is my dream. But the adoration, the chanting of my name, the echo in my ears, in my heart, it’s a high and I hate it. It’s like living inside a theme park for months.”

I closed my eyes, leaning back against the couch. “At the end of the night, there is only me and an empty hotel room. Another city. Another audience. Another set. It’s always the same. Even if Mona and I weren’t together, even if she wasn’t mine to miss, that wouldn’t change.”

“But if you were with someone else, someone who could tour with you and didn’t have so many responsibilities, someone who made you their main priority, then that would change.”

I opened my eyes, glaring at my friend. He seemed to be glaring at me as well, not with hostility, but with suspicion.

My friend. That didn’t sound right.

My former friend? Possibly.

It took me a moment, and I had to swallow a few times, but eventually I was able to ask without shouting, “What the fuck does that mean? Hmm? Why would you even say that?”

A hint of a smile, there and gone, tugged his mouth to one side. “I’m just saying—”

“Fuck you. I love God and Mona and my family and music and words and that’s it.”

“That’s it?” Now he was smiling. A stupid grin on his stupid face.

“Yeah. That’s it.” I’d had enough, and distrust lanced me, sharp and strong. I stood. “Wait. Why are you really here? What do you want?”

Leo also stood, still grinning, looking like he was trying to hold in laughter. “I told you already, because Mona—”

“Cut the shit, Leo. Did Mona also tell you to encourage me to replace her with a warm body? She’s not replaceable, dipshit.”

“Listen, calm down. Okay? Calm down.” Now Leo did laugh, and now he was shaking his head. “Mona did ask me to come and check on you, and she is worried about you being unhappy when you should be having a great time. That was true. But the other stuff, that was me. That was big brother stuff, okay?”

I lifted my chin, inspecting him. “What the hell does that mean?”

“It means Mona is crazy about you, okay? She’s—” Leo’s eyes drifted to the wall behind me, like he was searching it for the right word “—completely crazy about you. Obviously, my sister fell for you in Aspen, and she fell hard, and I don’t want to see you mess her up. I needed to, you know, make sure your intentions were honorable before I could give this thing my blessing.”

Placing my hands on my hips, I narrowed my eyes on Mona’s brother, not hiding my irritation. “Your blessing? Why would I need or want your blessing?”

Leo’s demeanor instantly changed. He straightened to his full height, his eyes growing cold and hot at the same time, a subtle sneering curl to his upper lip. I knew that face. That was the face Leo made when he was about to threaten someone.