Through My Window (Hidalgos #1)(56)

“I think that’s what you told me this morning.”

She slaps my shoulder.

“Ah! Stop having dirty thoughts!”

I laugh, and the relief that everything is flowing more smoothly between us is cut short by my phone ringing. I see Samy’s name on the screen and press answer. My cell phone is synced to my car’s audio system so I can talk without having to take my hands off the wheel. Samy says, “Hello,” and it echoes all around us. It doesn’t bother me that Raquel is listening because I have nothing to hide.

“Hello?”

“Hey, what are you doing?” Samy asks, and it sounds like she’s eating something.

“I’m on my way home. Why?”

“I thought you were still at Marco’s. I left some things there the other day. I was going to ask you to bring them to me.”

“I’ve already left.”

Samy sighs on the other end of the line.

“Okay, are we still on for the movie today?” I think I see Raquel tense up next to me, but I attribute it to my imagination.

“Sure, I’ll pick you up at seven,” I confirm.

“See you later, cutie,” she says before hanging up. She’s always called me that.

Silence fills the car, and I curse the call for ruining the good vibe we had built.

“Who was it?” Raquel’s voice is serious.

“Samy.”

“Hmmm, right.” Her hands again twisting in her lap. “Are you going out today?”

I nod, stopping at a traffic light.

“Yeah, we’re going to the movies with the group.”

I take advantage of the traffic light to look at her, but she doesn’t look at me. Her eyes are fixed on the window next to her, and she presses her lips together. She’s back to being awkward with me, and I don’t like it. My thumb taps the steering wheel lightly as I wait for the light to turn green, and when it does, I take one last glance at the girl beside me.

Look at me, Raquel, smile at me, show me that everything is all right.

But she doesn’t and that stresses me out. I don’t want to screw up again, but apparently that’s something that comes naturally to me.

“I have plans too,” she says suddenly, in a strange tone. Did it bother her that I’m meeting my friends? She’s going out too.

What if it’s with that friend of hers?

Raquel looks at me out of the corner of her eye, and I realize that I’ve been silent for a while, and she’s waiting for a reply. But asking her who she’s meeting seems worse than keeping quiet. I don’t know if telling her that I trust her would make it better or worse.

As we park in front of her friend’s house, she barely looks at me as she gets out of the car.

No, this is not right.

Concerned, I get out and follow her.

“Raquel.”

She doesn’t turn around.

“Raquel.” I step in front of her. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” But her eyes dodge mine: she’s lying.

“I don’t understand you. Did I do something wrong?”

“Just forget it, Ares.” Her tone is cold now, and it terrifies me.

“Raquel, look at me.” She does, crossing her arms over her chest. She’s defensive and I have no fucking idea why. I thought that everything was going well and that last night I showed her how much I care. “I’m trying, okay? I’m a mess, but I’m trying.”

“What are you trying to do? You drop me off and then say you’re going out with your ex.” I open my mouth to reply, but she cuts me off. “With your friends, fine, but without me, right? Do you care about me or not? I don’t understand anything anymore. And I don’t want you to hurt me anymore.”

“And I don’t want to hurt you,” I protest. Obviously, I’m failing.

“So, tell me: What do you feel for me?”

The question catches me off guard. I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out, and I close it again. A sad smile crosses her face.

“When you can answer that question, come find me,” she says.

And with that, she leaves me standing there with the words choking in my throat, and my heart burning in my chest. I can’t answer her question, even though I know the answer.





THIRTY


   The Disappointment



- Raquel -




Time heals a broken heart.

Whoever said that needed to specify how much time was needed for that to be true. As the days go by, I only feel worse. I distract myself with school, hanging out with Dani, reading, and going for walks with Rocky. Nothing seems to be working. I guess my feelings will eventually fade but not in a few days.

I’m unsure of how I would react if I were to see Ares again, so I look to Dani. “I need you to be my hand brake.”

Dani gives me a weird look. “Your what?”

“My hand brake . . . like the one that cars have, so you can stop me when I lose my brakes, which in this case would be my self-control—”

“Stop,” Dani interrupts me. “First of all, that’s the worst analogy you’ve ever made and believe me you’ve made some pretty bad ones.” I open my mouth to protest, but she continues. “Second, you want me to stop you every time you want to open your legs for Ares? Got it. Without so much beating around the bush and meaningless analogies.”