Thoughtful (Thoughtless, #1.5)(85)
Denny went back to watching his TV show. Some cop drama where all the employees were dressed like they were heading out to a fashion show and not a crime scene. I was just thinking of heading upstairs to attempt to drift off to sleep with visions of Kiera in my mind when Denny let out a long sigh. Examining his face, I saw a weary haggardness that hadn’t been there when he’d first arrived. He hated the situation he was currently in, but didn’t know how to change it. I sympathized.
“You okay?” I asked him.
He looked over at me, and for a second his expression was guarded. Then he sighed again, and he looked more tired than I felt. “It’s just work. I’ve been trying to focus on the good parts, but it’s hard to do. I still hate it there, and…I know it’s wrong, but I get mad at Kiera for it sometimes.”
I flinched when he said her name, but worked hard to keep my face neutral. “Well, that’s understandable, I suppose.” I replayed dark looks I’d seen from Denny toward Kiera, arguments behind closed doors. They weren’t outright fighting, but there was still tension in the relationship.
Denny looked back to the TV. “No, it’s not. It’s a dick move. She didn’t ask me to quit my job and come back here. If I’d just given her time, she would have cooled down and we would have worked through it. I just…panicked. I felt like…I felt like I had to come back, or it would be too late…” He glanced back at me. “I’m not sure why I felt that way.”
When he returned his eyes to the TV, I closed mine and swallowed a lump in my throat. He felt that way because of me. Because he had known I would f*ck his girl if he left her alone and single with me. That was my dick move. And it was one I constantly kicked myself about.
When Denny sighed again, I opened my eyes. He was luckily staring at the TV still, and hadn’t seen the guilt that had overwhelmed me. “It will all work out,” I told him, hating myself even more. My intention was a good one, but the assurance was an empty one. If they worked out, Kiera and I wouldn’t, and as much as I cared about Denny, I wanted her. More than anything. But Denny and I had a history, and I wanted him to be happier too. “Is there something I can do? Help you find a new job? Maybe stay at someone else’s place…so you and Kiera can have some time alone…” God, I hoped he didn’t take me up on that last one.
A small smile lightened Denny’s expression, but he shook his head. “Unless you know some higher-ups in the advertising world, there’s not much you can do for me, mate.” He paused for a moment, then added, “Thank you, though. It’s nice of you to offer.”
I schooled my expression, but the dagger of guilt in my gut was being twisted with every word he said. He shouldn’t thank me for anything.
With a frown on his face, Denny added, “As for Kiera and me having alone time…maybe that’s a good idea, but I don’t know. She’s busy, I’m busy. Time is against us. I actually have to head out of town again tomorrow. And do you want to hear something really weird? I told Kiera I was going, and she didn’t seem bothered at all. Considering how she acted the last time I left, I think that’s strange.”
My heart surged in my chest. He was leaving? Had my silent prayers been answered? It was almost too much to hope for. To keep up appearances, I frowned and told him a truth wrapped in a lie. “Maybe she feels guilty about what happened last time, so she’s trying to handle it better.” I was certain she did feel guilty about last time, but I wasn’t sure how she felt about him leaving again. Was she as excited as me? We could have quality alone time…maybe we could get away for a while, go somewhere where we didn’t have to hide anything. The possibilities were endless, and my heart started beating with adrenaline instead of fear.
Denny shrugged as he looked me over. “Yeah…maybe.”
Not liking how he was examining me, I asked, “How long are you gone for?”
A sheepish look passed his face. “Just one night. But it feels like a thousand, you know?”
I smiled, but didn’t say anything. It probably felt that long to him because he didn’t trust her. And he didn’t trust her because of me. Because I was a horrible human being.
He didn’t say anything after that, and silence fell between us. I let it linger, because I didn’t know what to say to him anymore. There was a certain amount of dark humor to the fact that we had nothing to say. You’d think we’d have a lot to talk about now, since we were both in love with the same woman.
Once I was away from Denny and the never-ending guilt of what I was doing to him, I began to get excited about the idea of him being far away again. So much had changed between Kiera and me since the first time he’d gone. I wanted to strengthen our connection, without completely betraying Denny. Impossible as that sounded.
It took me a long time to fall asleep once I finally went to bed. And when I did, only one thing was on my mind. I wanted to fall asleep with Kiera in my arms. I’d never wanted anything so badly.
The next morning, while Kiera and I held hands and sipped our morning coffees, I decided to broach the topic with her. “So, Denny’s gone tonight?”
She was instantly suspicious of what I was about to ask. “Yes…he’s in Portland until tomorrow night. Why?”
I looked down, wondering if she would see my heart on my sleeve; I desperately wanted to be with her tonight. Keeping my gaze on the table, I said, “Stay with me tonight.”