Thoughtful (Thoughtless, #1.5)(81)

Not able to say any of that, I stood up and held out my hand. “Come on. I’ll give you a ride to Pete’s.”

She took my hand and let me help her up. She wasn’t about to let the conversation die though. “Kellan, you can tell me, I won’t…”

I made myself smile, even though I didn’t feel it. I did not want to talk about this. There was no point. I’d been hoping for a future back then, when we’d made love the first time, but that was a fantasy. I knew the reality, and I physically couldn’t talk to her about this. I couldn’t get the words past my lips. I could barely do it when she was incoherent. Having her stare at me, completely alert, was too much. It was too hard.

“You don’t want to be late,” I told her. Take the hint, this topic is closed. She pursed her lips, annoyed. She hadn’t wanted secrets between us, but there was going to be at least one. Until I was able, until I was positive that saying the words wouldn’t put me in an early grave, I would protect myself the only way I could, the only way I knew how. I’d stay silent and keep my feelings to myself.

Boasting her independence, Kiera told me, “You don’t have to give me a ride everywhere, you know.” When I gave her a playful smirk, she pouted. “I managed just fine without you.” I didn’t let her see, but her words sent a chill through me. I know you did.

I stayed with Kiera at the bar instead of heading to Evan’s for practice. I was sure Matt would be irritated when I didn’t show up, which would only make him angry at me again. But maybe not. He was probably really hungover. Maybe he wanted a night off. I thought about calling him and finding out for sure, but I was afraid he’d tell me to get my butt over there. And I didn’t want to be there. I wanted to be here, laughing with Kiera and teaching her how to play pool. Sort of.

Griffin and Evan came in while I had Kiera bent over the pool table, helping her line up her shot, even though I had no idea what I was doing. I felt a little strange about having the guys see me in that position with her, but I acted like it was no big deal. Two friends playing a friendly game. Nothing to see here. Smiling, Griffin immediately grabbed a stick and started chalking up the tip, like he was playing the winner. Kiera and I were tied…we each still had most of our balls on the table. Pool just wasn’t my game. Kiera’s either. She was the first person I’d ever played who was just as bad as me. It was refreshing to actually have a chance for once.

After Kiera’s attempt missed, I tried my hand. I couldn’t see anything on the table worth hitting, so I just smacked one of the closest balls and hoped for the best. When I scratched, Griffin snorted and Evan patted my back. “You’ve got to look a few shots ahead, Kellan. Blindly hitting balls won’t get you anywhere.”

I gave Evan a sour expression. “Seeing a few shots ahead would require premonition. And if I could see into the future, I wouldn’t waste the superpower on a stupid pool game.”

Evan laughed, then asked, “What would you do with it?”

I looked past Evan to Jenny. She was walking from a table near the stage to the bar with a bright smile on her face, like today was the greatest day of her life. She almost always looked like that. “I would help out my friends, of course.”

Evan turned to look at what I was looking at, then he rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe you’re still on that. Give it a rest already.”

I shrugged as a laugh escaped me. Teasing Evan and Jenny about their soul mate potential was one of my favorite pastimes. “I only call ’em as I see ’em.”

Evan shook his head, then glanced over at Kiera. His deep brown eyes grew inquisitive. “And what about you? Any new developments?”

My smile dropped a smidge. If he wanted me to ease up on his love life, then he needed to ease up on mine too. “Nope, nothing new.” I turned to watch Kiera miraculously sink a ball. She seemed shocked that she had, and snapped her eyes to mine. She let out a little squeal of happiness and did a little jig. It was adorable, and all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her. Returning my attention to Evan, I quickly changed the subject. “Where’s Matt? Was he mad I didn’t show?”

Evan cringed. “No…he’s…um…not feeling so hot. He spent most of the afternoon alternating between lying down and throwing up. Griffin and I finally took him home before coming out here.” He scratched his shaved head. “We may have gone a little overboard on cheering him up last night.”

I shook my head, grateful that at least I hadn’t made him mad again. “Poor guy. Next time he should just accept the prostitute with a smile.”

Evan laughed and we both looked over at Griffin. He was leaning over a woman sitting on a stool, chatting with her friend. It was clear from his stance that he was trying to see down the girl’s shirt. Just as I was thinking it, Evan muttered, “Jackass.”

I was laughing with him when Kiera approached me. Seeing my smile made her beam. Her eyes were a pale shade of green tonight. Mesmerizing. “My break is over. You’ll have to finish the game with someone else.”

Leaning against my stick, I dramatized scanning the room. “Hmmm…whom to lose to?”

Kiera laughed, then placed her fingers on my shoulder. My skin tingled where she was touching me. “You shouldn’t go into it thinking you’re going to lose. You should always think you’re going to win.” She squeezed my shoulder, then turned and left. Conscious of Evan’s eyes on me, I watched her leave. Her words floated around my brain on a never-ending loop: Always think you’re going to win.