Thoughtful (Thoughtless, #1.5)(75)
Raising her eyebrow, she gave me a gotcha smile as she said, “Just answer the question.”
I laughed that she’d turned my words against me. Looking away, I sighed and decided to be honest. Somewhat. “Yes, yes it will bother me…but I understand.” I looked back at her, my heart in my eyes. “You’re not mine.” But I’m yours…
Her eyes moistened as she stared at me. I wasn’t sure what she was feeling, but it seemed to be difficult for her. She started to pull away from me, and I clutched at her. I didn’t want her to go. “Just a minute…” she whispered.
Recognizing the words I’d used when I’d been too riled up to be near her, I released her. “I’m fine, Kiera.” You don’t need to pull away from me.
She met my eyes and she looked sad. I hated to see her sad. “I need a minute, Kellan.”
That surprised me. She was worked up enough to want to attack me? Because she felt guilty. It hurt that she felt that way, and at the same time, it warmed me. She wanted me.
We prepared our coffees in silence, then leaned against opposite counters as we sipped them. All the while I wondered what the hell I was doing with her. I should end this before Denny got hurt. But then her voice surged through my brain—Stay. Don’t leave me. Please—and I knew I couldn’t let go. She couldn’t release him, I couldn’t release her. We were all f*cked.
I begged Kiera to let me walk to her class, and this time she conceded. I had a feeling it was because she still felt guilty over this morning, but I’d take her pity if it meant I got to spend a little more time with her.
Walking with her felt just like old times, and I savored every second. We talked about inconsequential things—her life, her parents—and I held her hand the entire way. It was bliss. After dropping her off, I went home and sat down to work. My phone rang while I was struggling to come up with a lyric that wasn’t sunshine and happiness. The song I was working on was dark, but Kiera filled me with light, and all I felt at the moment was amazing.
“Yeah?” I said, after picking up the phone.
“Hey, Kell, it’s Matt. Just reminding you about tonight.”
I rolled my eyes. “I know. We’re playing up north. Everett, right?”
“Yep. So you need to be here earlier than usual, so we have time to get up there.”
I was used to Matt calling me, reminding me about stuff, but I swear, sometimes he talked to me like I was five. Or Griffin. “Not a problem. I’ll see you in a few hours.” Shaking my head, I added, “Why did you book a show that far north anyway? Aren’t there plenty of places around here?”
Matt let out a small sigh, like he’d already explained this a couple of times today. “I book the shows wherever I can get them. Pete’s is great, but we need to keep expanding our fan base if we’re ever going to get bigger. That might mean traveling from time to time.”
I shrugged. It didn’t really matter to me if we got huge or not. I just wanted to keep doing this for a while. As long as we could, really. The music was what mattered to me, not all the extra crap. “Okay, you’re the boss.”
Matt laughed at that. “Damn straight, I am. Don’t be late.”
He hung up the phone and I shook my head again. “Okay,” I muttered to the empty room. Matt needed to chill out. Maybe Evan and I could find a girl to hook him up with tonight. Matt tended to be on the shyer side and sometimes needed a little help coming out of his shell. Or a shove. Maybe some feminine attention was just what he needed to mellow out.
I spent the remainder of my time alone thinking of what I could do for Kiera, since I wouldn’t get to see her tonight. I came up with espresso, which seemed like the right call. When she saw me in the hallway outside of her class, holding a drink in my hand for her, she squealed like a little girl.
I hated to leave her once we were content and snuggly at the house, but eventually I had to go meet up with the band. Matt would have my head if I wasn’t there on time. With a long sigh, I fingered a loose strand of Kiera’s hair. She was doing homework on the couch while I kept her company. There were books spread out everywhere, and she was scribbling down some notes for a paper she was writing. She looked up at the sound of my exhale. A smile was on her lips as she studied me instead of her textbooks.
She watched my fingers playing with her hair, then returned her eyes to mine. A strange expression passed over her—guilt mixed with sadness. “You’re probably really bored watching me do homework, aren’t you?”
I smiled and the guilt on her face evaporated. “No. I could watch you do this all day.” I frowned. “But I can’t. I have to go meet the guys. We have a show tonight.”
Kiera frowned with me. It made me happy that she did. Maybe she was going to miss me just as much as I was going to miss her? “Oh…okay,” she said.
I wanted to lean in and kiss her, just on the cheek, but I knew that was off-limits, so I simply ran a finger down her skin instead. “I’ll be late, but I’ll see you in the morning.”
Her smile returned as she nodded. “Okay.”
I stared at her a moment, memorizing every beautiful detail about her, then I got up to gather my things and leave. Work beckoned, and I had no choice but to obey. Even though I didn’t want to.
A few hours later, I was helping the guys unload the van at the venue. We were behind the place, in the alley, so that no one attending the show tonight would see us. All fifteen of them; this place was tiny. Matt was talking to the owner of the bar, getting a feel for where to set up, since we’d never been here before. I took his moment of distraction to step over to Griffin, leaning against the side of the van.