Thoughtful (Thoughtless, #1.5)(5)
“Yes, Kellan! Harder! Faster!”
She said it so loud I was sure everyone on my block could hear her. Maybe that was the point. As I pumped into her again and again, she wrapped her arms and legs around me. Feeling something even nicer than my impending climax, I buried my head into the crook of her neck. Her hand came up to gently tangle into my hair, and I finally felt it. That. That connection. That bond. That was what I wanted, what I liked, and I desperately tried to hold on to it. Let me feel this for just another minute…
“Harder, Kellan! Oh, God, you’re amazing! Fuck me! Yes, f*ck me!”
The connection died away as her screams intensified. I tried to hold on to that intimate feeling, but I couldn’t; the moment was gone. Grunting, I dug in deeper and harder. Might as well get this over with. Her cries and moans turned almost theatrical, but I felt her walls tightening around me, so I knew she wasn’t completely faking. The tightness finally pushed me over the edge too.
“God, yes,” I murmured as I started coming. Fuck. For a split second as I released, I felt great. Everything about my life was perfect, all was right in the world. Then my orgasm ended, the feeling faded, and a darker emotion started filling the void.
Pulling out, I rolled over to my back. She was panting beside me, a satisfied expression on her face. “God, you’re just as amazing as they say.”
I glanced over at her. They say I’m amazing? Who are they exactly? “I’ll be right back.”
Standing up, I left my room, walked into the bathroom, and took off the condom. I knew I should feel amazing right now, but I felt strange. More incomplete. It was getting to be a familiar feeling, right after sex. Like waking up with a hangover, I always felt slightly crappier than I had before.
While I stared at myself in the mirror and debated my confusion, I heard my date stirring in my room. A second later, she popped out into the hallway, fully dressed. With a wistful sigh, she gazed at my lean, naked body. “God, if I had time, I would stay and totally do that again with you.” She shrugged. “I’ve got to get going though.” Stepping into the bathroom, she tossed her arms around me and gave me a hug. “I had a lot of fun. Thanks!” She kissed my shoulder, then swatted my bare bottom. “See you around, Kellan.” Giggling, she added, “I can’t believe I just had sex with Kellan Kyle.”
Turning, she practically skipped down the hall to the stairs. The front door opened and shut a minute later, and then a car started and pulled away. Still staring out the bathroom door, I whispered, “Bye,” into my empty hallway.
Returning my eyes to the mirror, I inhaled a deep breath. Disappointment flooded me; I should feel better than this. When I was younger, the euphoria from sex had stayed with me for a long time. Sometimes for days. Now, though…it faded almost instantly. Something was missing. I felt hollow and even lonelier than before the sex…and I had no idea what to do to change that.
Chapter 2
An Unexpected Request
The walls of Evan’s loft reverberated with the power of our amplified instruments. Cymbals crashed while the snare drum tapped out a measured beat. Matt’s guitar squealed an intricate melody while Griffin’s bass provided a steady backdrop for us to paint our musical masterpiece upon.
Not holding back one ounce of my ability, I sang the intense chorus at a pitch that was at the upper crest of my range. I nailed it though. My voice harmonizing with the various rhythms circling our small stage gave me goose bumps. Near the end, the song reached an apex. All instruments were going full bore, hard and intense. Then it suddenly dropped off to complete silence. This was the hardest part of the song. For me at least. I had two lines to sing in that pin-dropping silence. There was no music to mask any potential flaws in my voice. No chance for a redo when I performed this live. It was just me, my voice, and hundreds of ears analyzing it. But I wasn’t worried in the slightest. There were very few things I was certain of in my life, and this was one of them. My voice wouldn’t let me down. It never did.
In the quiet of Evan’s loft, I sang my heart out. After the second line, Evan came back in with the drums. Easy at first, almost unnoticeable, but then building into a crescendo that complemented the intensity of my voice. As I ripped out the last of the four lines, the guys sang with me. Then every instrument kicked in again, even my acoustic guitar. The hairs were standing up on my arms as we finished the powerful song, and I was grinning ear to ear as the last note faded away. The fans were going to go crazy for this. It would definitely be on our set list for a long time to come.
Wondering if the guys felt the same, I twisted around to meet Matt’s and Evan’s faces. Matt was grinning just as widely as I was. Evan let out a low whistle. “Shit, man. That was awesome. I think it’s ready. We should play it Friday.”
I nodded in agreement. That was just what I’d been thinking. Removing his guitar, Matt set it on its stand and walked over to me. Eyeing me like a doctor observing a patient, he asked, “How’s your throat? That one too high for you? Too intense? We could drop it down a notch and I think it would still work.”
Testing the waters, I massaged my throat and swallowed a couple of times. “No, I feel fine.”
Matt squinted like he didn’t believe me. “We’re going to be singing this song hundreds of times. If you can’t recreate it perfectly each time, then we should modify it so you can. Consistency is what’s important. It doesn’t do us any good if this song fries you.”