Thoughtful (Thoughtless, #1.5)(11)

Even still, I couldn’t resist a peek, and I again shifted my eyes to take her in. Oddly, she and the person she was with, who I could now see was a guy, were talking to Sam against the far wall. Sam seemed happy to be talking with the pair. Sam rarely looked that way at work, especially on a night when the bar was jam-packed full of people. Or potential problems, as he liked to call them. But he was smiling. He even reached out and gave the guy a hug. That was when it hit me. The guy was Denny. The girl I was instantly attracted to, even from the massive distance between us…was Denny’s girlfriend.

Well, of course she was.

I instantly locked my eyes onto the fans in front of me and amped up my seduction of them. I even reached out to touch a few of them, since they were safe. Denny’s girlfriend was not safe. I could not be having thoughts about her. It was inappropriate on so many levels. I may on occasion have slept with girls who were in committed relationships, because who was I to judge what someone decided to do with their body, but I wouldn’t do that to Denny. He was my brother. My family. The only real family I had in this world, besides my band.

Missing my long-gone friend, I looked up to make eye contact with him. I wanted to make sure he got his key, make sure he was settled, maybe even give him a quick wave, even though I was still singing. I spotted him clutching the girl’s hand, and a smile broke out through my words. Denny looked older, for sure, but he still had that youthfulness about him that made me want to reach out and give him a noogie. The innocence on his face, in his smile, warmed my heart. I’d do anything for this guy. Give my life for him if necessary.

Denny’s girlfriend—Kiera, if I remembered correctly—was gazing up at him like he was the moon and stars to her. I let go of my initial attraction and smiled over their relationship. He was clearly happy with her, and it was obvious they were in love. I pushed back my own desires and only let my happiness for him shine through. I gave him a small wave as the song ended, and he lifted his chin and raised his key to let me know he had it.

Hating to break eye contact with the friend I was itching to catch up with, I quickly glanced at Matt and gave him the okay to start the next song. The job came first, especially when I was onstage. The song Matt started playing was one of my favorites. It was also one of the most painful songs for me. I had written it about my parents. It was sort of my plea for them to love me. Too little. Too late. They never had, and now that they were gone, they never would. I still sang it almost every night though. Hopeless as it was, I couldn’t stop trying to win their affection.

For a moment, I was so lost in the words and the painful memories that everything else faded into the background. Then I found my gaze wandering to Kiera. She was leaving the bar with Denny. She glanced back at me at the last minute though. Lips parted, her expression was awed as she watched me cut open my heart and bleed out all over the stage. Maybe it was the lights, but I could have sworn her eyes were watering, like she understood that this song was painful for me. That I had to fight against my throat constricting with every syllable. That the only reason I could sing it at all was because of endless rehearsals and performances. For the first time in a long time, I was looking at someone who saw me. Not the rock star, not the playboy, but me. The real me. And for the first time in a long time, terror crawled up my spine. Kiera shivered, like she also shared my fear, then she disappeared with Denny.

This girl…she’d already made an impression, and I hadn’t even been introduced to her yet. The three of us all living together could be an incredible, eye-opening experience. Or it could be a living nightmare. Either way, it was definitely going to be interesting.





Chapter 3





Glad You’re Back




The sun was blinding, and a surge of panic raced through me. It was morning. Denny was leaving.

Feeling dread circling around me, I rushed to Denny’s bedroom. His door was closed. Was he still asleep? He didn’t answer when I lightly rapped on it, so I knocked harder. “Denny?” When he didn’t respond, I cracked his door open. “Denny?” The room was completely empty, and my voice echoed back to me. He was gone? But I hadn’t said goodbye…

I ran down the stairs, yelling at my parents to wait for me. No one was there though, and nothing but silence answered me. I checked every room in the house, but I was completely alone. In a daze, I stared at the front door. They’d left without me. My parents had stolen my final goodbye to the best friend I’d ever had. Those f*cking *s. Hot tears stung my eyes. That was just like them to steal any moment of happiness from me that they could. I was probably never going to see Denny again.

Just as that thought pounded through my brain, I heard a car pull into the driveway. Overwhelmed with guilt and anger, I screamed at my father when he stepped through the front door. “How could you leave without letting me say goodbye!”

When I stepped within range, the back of Dad’s hand lashed out and bashed my jaw. I tasted blood in my mouth, and it surprised me so much I fell to the ground. I’d gotten used to Dad backing off with Denny around. I’d grown complacent…comfortable. But Denny wasn’t around anymore. I was on my own.

When I peered up at Dad, he had a look on his face that bordered on happiness. “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to do that?” he asked, his voice gruff.

Beginning to tremble, I scooted back until my spine was against the wall. “I’m sorry,” I immediately sputtered. How could I forget what he was really like so quickly?