Thoughtful (Thoughtless, #1.5)(111)

When things were winding down for the night, I remembered the horror that awaited me back home—Mr. and Mrs. Perfect Fucking Relationship. I still wasn’t ready to face them. Hating myself for being a coward, but needing an excuse to stay at Evan’s, I purposely knocked my beer to the floor. I forced myself to laugh. “Sorry, man, guess I had more than I thought.”

With a laugh of his own, Evan told me to stay and sleep it off. Even though I’d been in the same outfit for a day and I still had spikes in my hair, I took him up on his offer. God, I was pathetic.

I fell asleep with the memory of Kiera’s breath on my skin.

When I woke up in the morning, I’d had enough of couch surfing. I needed an actual bed. And a shower. And clean clothes. I felt like I hadn’t slept at all the last two nights. I was pretty sure I could have added up the total hours I’d slept decently on one hand. My nerves spiked as I approached my house. I didn’t want Kiera to be there. She had school today though, so she should be gone. I hoped. Sort of.

The driveway was empty when I got there, but that was to be expected. Denny was at work. I approached the home with tentative steps. I really hated how Kiera could make me reluctant to enter my own house. She had kept me away on more occasions than I cared to admit. I needed to stop letting her run my life. But I might as well ask to stop breathing. She was the lead ball in this Newton’s cradle—the cause. I was the effect. I had no choice but to react to her.

My hand was shaking as I reached for the knob. I immediately pulled it back and clenched it into a fist to get the blood properly circulating. This was nothing. No big deal. If she was here…so what? We’d ignore each other, ignore all the hurt, pain, and heat between us until it blew up in our faces again. God, we needed to break this cycle. Even I knew that.

Annoyed, I pulled out my keys and unlocked the door. A familiar smell hit me the moment I opened it. I paused as I absorbed the fragrance. I wasn’t sure exactly when it had happened, but at some point during her stay, her scent had permeated everything in my home. Or maybe that was all in my head. Who the f*ck knew?

Shutting the door, I darted upstairs for the quickest shower known to man. I wanted out of this house. I purposely avoided looking at Denny and Kiera’s room. I didn’t think I’d be able to look at it again. What she’d done to him in there, while she had pretended he was me, was going to dig and fester inside my brain like an incurable disease. Fuck, I didn’t want to be here. Heading to my room, I stripped bare and then shuffled to the bathroom.

Once I was dressed and refreshed, I headed back to Evan’s place for rehearsal. Afterward, when the guys wanted to go to Pete’s, I was torn. I wanted to say no, wanted to bow out, but a large part of me wanted to go, and that part eventually won out. As painful as it was going to be, I missed Kiera, and I knew I couldn’t go another night without seeing her.

My heart was heavy on the ride over. I had no idea how she’d react to seeing me after how we’d parted ways. After parking, I sat and stared at the bar in the rearview mirror. I wasn’t sure what I was waiting for, I just knew I couldn’t go in there yet. The night at the club flashed through my mind—her fast breath, her eager mouth, her hands fisting in my hair. So much passion had been between us, we’d nearly ignited on the dance floor. That couldn’t have all been fake.

A bang on my window knocked my memories from my head. Griffin was standing at my door, and Matt and Evan were a few feet behind him, waiting for me. Smirking, Griffin gestured at the mirror I’d been staring into. “You look great, princess. Get the f*ck out of the car.”

Rolling my eyes, I cracked open my door. I could do this. I slugged Griffin in the arm for his comment, and he backed away from me with a scowl. “Ease up, pissy pants. It’s not my fault you didn’t get laid the other night.”

Grinning in a self-satisfied way, he splayed his fingers as he walked backward. “Five, dude.”

Forcing my gaze away from the front doors I was dreading, I met Griffin’s eyes. “What?”

“That’s how many times she made me come! And that doesn’t include the two times I jizzed the next morning.” Stumbling over a rock in the lot, he almost fell on his ass. Klutz.

Grimacing, I walked around him. “Awesome,” I muttered. I’d already had a color commentary during the act, I didn’t need a play-by-play of it afterward.

Still wanting to brag, Griffin fell into step behind me. “It was unbelievable. The things that girl can do…It’s too bad for you that she chose me, man. Not that I blame her, but you seriously missed out.”

Matt snorted. “Are you serious? She totally wanted Kellan, but he turned her down. You were runner-up, dude.”

I looked back just in time to see Griffin’s dumbstruck expression. “You smoking crack there, cuz? She was all over me, hot to trot. She even told me that she’d been wet for me since the first time we met.”

A knowing smile on his lips, Matt flicked a glance at me. “When you first met? You mean, when she was practically giving Kellan a lap dance, and she barely acknowledged your existence? That first time?”

Griffin barged past me. “You don’t know what the f*ck you’re talking about.”

Matt was laughing as he hurried to catch up to him. “Wait, Griff! Tell me again how much she wanted you! Was that before or after she was practically palming Kellan’s junk at the table?”