These Twisted Bonds (These Hollow Vows, #2)(32)

His eyes grow cold. “My point is that since we’re bonded, you don’t have to ask. You already know exactly how I feel about you.”

Because I feel him in my blood. I feel his heartache and his longing and his love, even through whatever shield he’s put up to soften those feelings. “How could you do this to someone you love?” I draw in a sharp breath. I will not cry. “Was I supposed to wake up and be okay with everything? Did you expect me to put it all together and then happily march to your coronation?”

“You were supposed to give me a chance to explain. That’s how it’s supposed to work when you love someone. But you ran. Just like you always do.”

I flinch, because he’s right. Every time things have been hard between us, I’ve run, but that doesn’t free him of responsibility for his decisions. “You can’t put this on me. You chose the crown over my life, and you’re upset that I didn’t hang around to chat about it?”

He shakes his head. “Have you thought about why I asked you not to come to Faerie? I told you to stay put in Fairscape. I needed another year.”

“And what would’ve happened in a single year that—”

His eyes blaze. “She would’ve died!”

“The queen.” His mother. He wasn’t broken because she was dying. He was hoping to hide me until her death. I draw in a shaky breath, remembering what he’d said to me when he visited my dream.

I knew I couldn’t do it. I knew I’d rather watch my mother die than betray you. But I ran out of choices.

“When I turned nineteen, my mother sent me on a mission to find you, to find my father’s crown.

She would’ve done it herself, but she was too weak. The curse had ravaged her. So she sent me to do this one thing I was born to do. To claim the crown Oberon had promised her would go to their child.” He swallows. “And then I met you. I knew she’d destroy you, and I couldn’t let that happen.

All I could do was hide the truth. Bide my time until the curse finally stole her last breath. Only then would you be safe.”

Such pretty words. He always has such pretty words for me.

“All I wanted was to keep you safe.”

“Me or the crown?”

“You,” he growls, eyes blazing, and his frustration spikes through whatever shield he’s placed between me and his emotions. “But you wouldn’t listen to me, and you came here anyway.” He shakes his head. “I had to do the best I could—the only thing I could.”

He steps closer and cups my face in one big hand, grazing his thumb across my cheek.

I close my eyes, trying not to fall under his spell. Between the gentle sweep of his calloused thumb and his heat—so close I might be warm again if I just curled into him—I’m weakening. His love for me is everything I need. It’s bigger than anything I fear, stronger than any enemy. I’d never have to be alone again if I’d just accept it. I’d— I grit my teeth. “Stop this.”

“Stop what?”

“You’re making me feel this . . . this pull. You’re projecting so I’ll stop thinking for myself.”

“I’m letting you feel what I feel. We are bonded. Whether you like it or not. Everything you feel through the bond is real. It’s part of me.”

“But you’re masking some of your emotions,” I say. “You’re choosing to let certain pieces through more than others.”

He shrugs, as if this is completely normal behavior. Maybe it is. Maybe this is how bonded pairs endure the overwhelming nature of so many emotions. Or maybe he’s just a manipulative bastard who doesn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt.

“What would’ve happened after the queen died?” I ask, grappling for reason over emotion. “How would that have changed anything?”

“What would’ve changed? There would’ve been one less threat against you. One less faerie willing to take that crown and its power at any cost.” He swallows hard. “I needed time.”

“For what?”

“Time for the prophecy to play out, time for you to love me enough to understand that I didn’t want any of this. We were falling in love.” He makes a fist and presses it to his chest. “I didn’t want to trick you out of anything. I wanted to find a way to tell you the truth. I wanted you to love me enough that you’d choose to take the potion without being cornered into it.”

“Nothing was keeping you from telling me.”

His nostrils flare. “You were falling for him. As long as Finn had a chance to trick you out of the crown, you wouldn’t be safe. That’s why we needed to bond. That’s why I deceived you—because taking the crown for myself was the only way to keep you safe, and withholding the truth was the only way you’d bond with me.”

It’s such a pretty explanation, and I want to swallow it whole, to believe that everything will be okay if we just trust each other again. But I can’t. “You knew I’d die, that the bonding ceremony would kill me.”

“I knew you’d die, and I knew you’d take the potion. I was okay with that because—”

“You were okay with it?” I seethe. The selfish faerie arrogance.

His eyes flash. “Yes. Because it meant you’d become fae—and better yet, you’d no longer be wearing a crown so many in this land would go to war for. It kept me up at night, imagining what my mother would do to you if she found out, imagining how close Finn was to gaining your trust.”