The Wrong Bride (The Windsors, #1)(89)
I nod. “I know.”
“Then why?”
“Because I’ve been in love with him for years. Ever since an engagement between him and me was first discussed. My feelings never wavered. I’ve loved him since before you even met him. My biggest regret in life was introducing you two, so when I was given a chance to remedy that, I took it. Can you really blame me for chasing my dreams by walking down that aisle, when walking away from it allowed you to chase yours?”
“You disgust me,” she tells me, her eyes flashing with genuine hurt. “All these years, you lusted after my fiancé, spending time with him, pretending to be his friend, when all along, you wanted him. Was it ever more than that? Did you two ever cross the line?”
I think back to the way I sat in his lap, the way I tried to seduce him. “No,” I tell her. “Ares never crossed the line with me. Not even once.”
I did, though. I crossed the line with him. I’m guilty of what she’s accusing me of, but admitting that now would only further deteriorate what’s left of our relationship.
“Hannah, why are you chasing after him when you’re the one who left him at the altar? Why do you continuously attempt to get between us even though we’re married? Do I truly mean nothing to you? Does my happiness truly not matter to you?”
Some of the venom in her eyes drains away, and she looks away. “I want you to be happy, Raven. But not with the man I love. Not with the man I planned a future with and share a past with.”
I stare at my sister, my heart breaking. “But I am, Hannah. I’m happy with him, and I think he’s happy with me too. Can’t you see that?” I tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear and inhale shakily. “Over the last few months, you and I have destroyed the strenuous relationship we had, and what for? I won’t leave him, Hannah. Even if I tried, he wouldn’t let me. He loves me just as much as I love him. You realize that, don’t you?”
“Love,” she repeats, followed by a hollow laugh. “Are you seriously standing here and telling me he fell in love with your after, what? Four, five months of marriage? Don’t be ridiculous. This is a rebound, and I’ll let him have it, but it’ll never be more than that.”
I inhale shakily and look away. “Maybe you’re right,” I admit. “But even so, I’m his wife. I’ll be his wife for at least the next two and a half years, but we both know it’ll be far longer than that. Even if you’re right, and what he feels for me isn’t true love… then that’s fine for me, Hannah. I love him enough to wait until he eventually truly loves me back.”
She stares at me in disbelief.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her.
“No,” she says. “You’re not sorry.”
“Hannah,” I say, my voice breaking. “Do you want me in your life? Because this road you and I are walking… if we see this through, there’s no going back. I love you, Han. You know that I do. But I won’t sacrifice any more for you.”
She rolls her eyes. “You say that as though you’ve ever had to sacrifice anything for me at all.”
I smile at her, my heart wrenching. “You wouldn’t be standing here today if I hadn’t sacrificed anything for you. Similarly, I wouldn’t exist without you. We both know that Mom and Dad only had me because they needed my bone marrow to save your life. I’ve spent my entire life living in your shadow, Hannah, giving into anything you want, supporting you in any way I could think of, even if it meant making myself small and invisible. I’m done. I’m done being taken for granted. I’m done being pushed around. I love you, but I can’t have you in my life if all you bring me is sorrow.”
Hannah looks at me and inhales shakily. “You’re right,” she says. “I’ll never forgive you for going after Ares the way you did, Raven. I won’t give up on him either. If that means that I’ll have to sacrifice my relationship with you, then so be it. Let’s be real. We both hate each other anyway. The only reason we tolerate each other is because we have to.”
My heart clenches painfully, and I inhale sharply. I always suspected that she hated me, but I tried so hard to convince myself that it was all in my head, that my own sister couldn’t possibly feel that way about me.
“I loved you,” I tell her, my voice breaking. “I’m pretty sure I loved you from the moment I took my first breath, and I’ll love you until I take my last. It kills me that you don’t feel the same way, but at least I know now.” I take a step away, taking one last look at my sister. “You’re toxic, Hannah. Not just to me, but to yourself. It isn’t just me you’re losing today, you know? With each passing day, you lose more of yourself, too. But you know what? It isn’t my job to save you. Not anymore.”
I walk away and bite down on my lip in an effort to suppress my tears, but they fall nonetheless.
Chapter Fifty-Six
Ares
I lean back on our new sofa, feeling at home in my own house for the first time in years. It took us a few months, but we’ve made this our home, down to every last detail. Spending my weekends shopping for decoration has been far more fun that I ever thought it could be. Being with someone who actually values my opinion and doesn’t always want to get her way has been insanely refreshing.