The Wrong Bride (The Windsors, #1)(43)
She inhales shakily and looks into my eyes. “I’ll never be her,” she says softly. “I know that, Ares. I know I’m not the woman you want to wake up to. I know you can’t stand having me in your bed at night. I get it. I know you’re hurting, Ares. But please… please don’t distance yourself from me. I’m not asking you to treat me as your wife. I’m just asking you to be my friend. I miss you, Ares. What do I do? How do I make my presence more bearable for you?”
“Bearable?” I repeat, confused. “Fucking hell, Cupcake.” I drop my forehead to hers and inhale deeply. She’s always smelled like vanilla cupcakes and sunshine. Many things have changed throughout the years, but not this. “I’m so fucking sorry.” I pull away to look at her. “It’s not you, baby. Your presence in my home doesn’t make me even remotely uncomfortable. It’s quite the opposite. I’m worried being around me is uncomfortable for you. I’ll be honest with you, Rave, I’m having a hard time processing everything that happened. It’s hard to believe that you’re my wife now, and I can’t quite figure out what that even means for us.”
She smiles at me so sweetly that my heart clenches. “Didn’t we agree that we don’t have to figure it out right away? I can tell you this much, though: there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. There isn’t much you could do that’d make me uncomfortable, and if you do, I’ll simply tell you.” She raises her finger to her lips. “These lips excel at complaining about things. I’m not some meek woman you need to protect, Ares. I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t chosen to marry you.”
My gaze drops to her lips, and I swallow hard. Fuck. She tasted so good on our wedding day, and I’ve wanted another taste ever since. How would she react if I tell her I’ve been a fucking mess because I want her and dream of her every single night? Would she think I’m a sick son of a bitch?
“I hear you,” I murmur. “I’ll do better from now on.”
She nods. “No more avoiding me, okay?”
“I promise.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Raven
I watch my phone ring as I park my car in front of Ares’s house, my heart heavy. It’s a strange feeling to want to hope for something yet knowing better. What is that even? Does that have a name? It isn’t hope, but rather a longing for it.
I wish I had it in me to so much as hope that my mother is calling me simply because she misses me. A soft sigh escapes my lips I grab my bag and get out of the car, declining her call for the fifth time, but that doesn’t deter her. My phone starts to ring again, and I steel myself as I finally pick up.
“Mom?” I press my thumb against the scanner, and the front door swings open.
“Raven, I’ve been calling you for over an hour now.” She sounds irritated, and a strange ache spreads from my heart. “What took you so long?”
I put my phone on loudspeaker as I take off my coat. “I had a shoot that ran late because no matter what we did, the photographer wasn’t satisfied with the shots. I’m exhausted, Mom. I went straight home after it, so most of your calls came in while I was driving.”
“Raven, doesn’t your car have a hands-free function? Goodness. Surely it’s not that hard to set that up?”
I bite down on my lip harshly in an effort to keep my retorts in. There’s no point in arguing with her. The one most affected by that would be me, and I don’t have the energy to upset myself unnecessarily.
“What are you calling for, Mom?”
She hesitates for a moment. “Hannah has been very upset all week. She hasn’t left her apartment, and each time I go over to check up on her, I find her crying. I don’t know what to do, Rave. Do you think you could speak to her? I asked her if she’d heard from you, and she told me you haven’t even called her once. How could you do that, Raven? You know how sensitive she is, how badly she’d need us all right now.”
I stare at my phone for a moment before I reach down to take off my shoes, giving myself a moment or two. She was so different on the day I got married and I hoped the change would last, that she finally realized that the way she’s been treating me is unfair. I should’ve known better. The moment Hannah comes up, she forgets every promise she made me. Everyone always does.
“Mom,” I say carefully. “The only reason I married Ares is because she refused to. I’m not sure I understand what you want from me. In a matter of days, I’ve lost everything. I’ve had to leave my apartment, the home I build and loved, to move in with someone who doesn’t want me here. How do you think I’m feeling? What do you think it’s like to be married to someone who avoids me because looking at me reminds me of the woman he’d rather see? Don’t you think Hannah owes me an apology for making me take responsibility for her selfishness? Don’t tell me to call her and console her because this mess that we’re both trapped in is of her making.”
“You selfish little girl,” she snaps. “You’ll never change, will you? You will never have it in you to be the bigger person, will you? Can’t you see that this is going to ruin your relationship with your sister? Hannah isn’t going to reach out because she’s heartbroken, and she’s never been good at telling us when she’s in pain. You know exactly why that is, Raven. It’s the result of years and years of her being sick, of feeling like a burden. I’m not saying Hannah isn’t wrong, but so are you. We both know that your marriage to Ares is just temporary, so why not just make her feel better? Would it really kill you to pick up the phone and reassure her?”