The Wrong Bride (The Windsors, #1)(28)

I can't stand seeing that torment in her demeanor. I hate knowing that I played a role in the pain she's feeling, and it kills me to know that from here on out, I will only break her heart more.

"I'll speak to her," she promises, but I shake my head and grab her hand.

"You know that won't make a difference. Don't you think that I've tried?"

Her eyes drop to our joined hands and she pulls her hand out of mine, cradling it as though she can't bear my touch.

"We have to try," she tells me. Raven lifts her face to look at me, and her expression guts me.

"Cupcake," I whisper. "We are out of time and out of options. I know this isn't what you want, and never in a million years did I expect we would find ourselves in this situation… But here we are. Neither one of us can walk away from this, so aren't we better off facing this together?"

She looks into my eyes, her expression torn. "Ares," she says, "I can't marry you. I can't. How could you possibly even entertain that idea when you’ve been in love with my sister for as long as I can remember? How could you consider making me your wife when the only woman you'll ever want is Hannah?"

I look into her eyes, unsure how to answer her. She's right. Even as I sit here with her, my heart aches at the thought of Hannah and everything I thought we’d have together.

“Raven,” I murmur. “It’s an arranged marriage. So long as there’s affection and respect, we’ll be fine. We’ve been friends for years, haven’t we? What better foundation could we ask for?”

She huffs and looks away. “Ares, I want love. Real love. I want a happy marriage and a faithful husband. Can you give me that?”

I study the contours of her face. Her cute nose and her sharp jaw. She’s refusing to face me because she fears what my answer will be, and I wish things could be different between us. If I could go back in time, would I still make the choices I made?

“Yes,” I tell her. “I can’t guarantee that I’ll make you happy, but I swear to try. As for being a faithful husband? Yes, Raven. I’m surprised you even feel the need to ask. From the moment you become my wife, I swear to be faithful to you.”

She turns to face me, her brows raised. “That’s easy for you to say now that you’re trying to coerce me into this marriage, but what will that look like in practise, Ares? Will you be able to stay away from Hannah?”

I clench my jaw and nod. “Yes, Raven. I would never cheat on my wife. I may be imperfect, but I’m not immoral. I’d never disrespect you or our marriage like that. Hannah made her choice when she ended things between us, and there’s no going back now.”

She looks into my eyes, her gaze provocative. “Do you truly believe you’ll want me someday? Will you ever be able to look at me without thinking of Hannah?” Her gaze travels over my body, pausing on my suit pants for a moment. “Or do you intend to remain celibate throughout our marriage? I sat in your lap, naked, and you still didn’t want me.”

I run a hand through my hair, thoughts of Raven underneath me flashing through my mind. That recurring dream I have would no longer be a forbidden fantasy. “Raven,” I whisper. “You’re one of the most beautiful women alive. I don’t stand a chance at resisting you. Every second of you being in my lap was torture, but I couldn’t… I’m not a cheater, Raven. I would never have touched you then.”

Her expression looks disarmed, surprise flickering through her eyes. I can’t help but smile at her, a hint of embarrassment rushing through me. I never dared to admit to myself how stunning she truly is, how attractive I find her. Raven has always been someone that’s entirely off-limits to me in that way. Until now.

“Ares, if we do this… if it really gets to that point… I need you to know that I expect more than just affection and respect. I expect you to keep an appropriate distance from my sister, regardless of your history. If I make this sacrifice, I won’t allow you to make me regret it. If I marry you, I expect you to treat me as your wife.”

Her fierce expression sets my heart ablaze, and I force myself to stay calm. What is she saying? Does she mean… does she mean she expects us to make this marriage work? I thought what she’d want would be a true marriage of convenience, but could I have been wrong?

“So long as it’s within my power, there’s nothing I won’t give you, Raven. No matter what you ask, it’s yours — and that includes me.”

Her eyes widen slightly, and she nods briefly before tearing her gaze away. “You won’t regret this?” she asks. “You won’t regret sacrificing your happiness for your inheritance? When all is said and done, will you resent me for standing between Hannah and you?”

I cup her face gently and tilt her face toward mine. “No,” I promise her. “I won’t resent you, Raven. This situation is unfortunate for both of us, and I’ll always remember that you’re giving up just as much as I am. I can’t resent you for a choice Hannah made. I won’t do that to you.”

She nods, her expression unreadable. Raven has always been sweet and kind. The woman looking back at me right now is one I don’t recognize, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Nothing about this conversation went the way I expected it to.

I assumed she’d tell me that even if we end up married, we’d never have more than friendship. I didn’t expect her to ask me for fidelity. Until the words escaped my lips, I didn’t realize I’d be happy to grant it to her, too.