The True Cowboy of Sunset Ridge (Gold Valley #14)(27)

There was a small office that was mostly cleaned out, and she assumed that it was Tirzah’s and she figured that now it would be hers. She started mentally mapping out what she would need.

Everything to keep organized on her terms.

She would have a little bit more technology, that was for sure. But she liked to keep things both in hard copy and virtually. For security. She had a fair idea of everything she would need, and she had the money to do it.

The sale of her town house had put her in a great position to not only buy this place but to get some equipment for it. She wanted some updated ultrasound equipment.

She moved out of the office and into the bedrooms, and started to think about ways she could update those. They were pretty, but she wanted something a little more modern. Something that would bring in outdoor elements and smooth lines. Something very tranquil to enhance the birthing experience. If a home birth wasn’t possible, and a mother still wanted this kind of environment, then serenity was absolutely the goal. And a sense that she was somewhere better than home.

A strange sensation tingled in the back of her neck.

Thinking about things like this made her happy. Taking care of people. Making herself... Important. It was something that she always cared about. And when it came to childbirth, the women in question badly needed to be cared for.

They were in a position where the experiences that happened to them during the course of a pregnancy and a birth could be extremely traumatic if not handled properly. Ensuring that things went as well as possible and she did the best she could... It was very important to Mallory.

She knew what it was like. To be in pain. To be confused about what was happening to her body. To be at the mercy of experts. And in her case it had been experts who simply didn’t care. Who’d seen her as a young, unmarried girl who probably didn’t care about her baby. Or who maybe didn’t deserve one. Or didn’t deserve compassion or empathy because pregnant fifteen-year-olds were sluts.

Or maybe they’d been busy.

She would never know for sure.

But no one she worked with would ever, ever be made to feel that way, and she made sure of that. She protected her mothers from feeling like victims.

As if it had come from a lightning bolt sent down from on high, she had a second epiphany, about how her behavior didn’t stop with her patients.

She had forgotten over time that Jared wasn’t a patient, but her boyfriend. As if she had forgotten that it wasn’t her job to make his life easy.

To protect him from trauma.

To make up for trauma she’d felt like she’d caused him, even though she didn’t think that consciously.

His trauma was his own responsibility. Hers had been up to her, after all. She’d moved on and made something with it. He wasn’t a vulnerable woman at the mercy of the person with medical training, going through a physically demanding situation.

And as her behavior with him had shifted, he’d begun to act like he was entitled to the care she gave him. Wandering around acting as if life itself was a trauma for him and he needed to be handled with a soft touch, all the while dishing out nothing but passive-aggressive barbs.

He was a manbaby.

A babyman.

And she enabled him. He had gotten everything he needed from her while she got nothing in return. She had somehow rationalized that as normal and healthy because she was used to it when it came to her job. But that was a choice. And if it was her function and position in her job, when she came home to her regular life wasn’t she...

Wasn’t she allowed to be taken care of?

An interesting thought, given that you’re trying to be independent...

Well. She was trying to be independent, it was true but... But. Except... No. This was good. She was learning. What she would need if she was ever to be in a relationship again. She would need to be both independent enough to walk away and not dependent emotionally. And able to ask to be taken care of when she needed it. There was nothing wrong with that. And somehow... Somehow he had made her feel like she couldn’t do that.

Well, this place had already provided her with an epiphany, so she suppose that was a good thing. She looked at her watch and saw that Mckenna Dodge was due to arrive at any moment. She straightened and went into the bathroom, looking in the mirror. She had her hair tied back in a bun, trying to minimize some of the frizz caused by the warm weather, and was pleasantly surprised that it still looked okay. Her yellow prairie dress might be a little bit on the sweet side, but again, she was trying to give off that comforting aura.

Since the office was empty, she supposed she could conduct her first meeting with McKenna out in the waiting room. That was another thing to think about for the office. She would like something other than an exam room for those initial meetings, something that just felt like a place for a chat between two people. The door opened and a lovely brunette woman with a small baby bump walked in, with a large, handsome man in a cowboy hat behind her. He looked like an old-fashioned movie star. All square jaw and broad shoulders. But he had an extremely concerned look etched on his handsome face.

“Good morning,” Mallory said, relishing the opportunity to slip into her role. Because she knew this. One thing about this move to Gold Valley was that she had been very much out of her element. And now... Now she was in it. “I’m Mallory Chance. I know that Tirzah spoke to you about the fact that I would be the attending midwife.”

“Yeah,” the man said. “She did.”