The True Cowboy of Sunset Ridge (Gold Valley #14)(23)

“So... You know, what we did was... Commonplace.” She swallowed. “For you.”

No call getting worked up, because she didn’t have any real reason to try anything other than what he had. He should be the experienced one. It was good that he was having almost no reaction to her. At least, it should be. Because it should give her all the permission she needed.

To be guilt-free. Have no regrets.

This was who he was. And she should be appreciative because he was exactly the kind of man she’d needed. A man who could be that accomplished manwhore she had required. With skills to make her come like she had never come in her life.

And also had the necessary emotional fortitude to walk away, without her having to feel bad for using him or anything like that.

And still, it bothered her.

It bothered her that what was a singular experience for her had been one in a long line of such experiences for him. Nothing more than a blip on his sexual radar. He wouldn’t even remember in a few months, after an untold number of women would take him into their motel rooms since she had.

“I didn’t say that,” he said, disrupting her line of thinking altogether.

“I... I don’t understand.”

“I didn’t say that what we... I didn’t say it was exactly like every other experience I’ve ever had. I said one-night stands were common for me.”

She looked past his left shoulder. Right at the wall. “So this... Was different?”

“I don’t want to answer that question. Because you want to be done.”

“Yep. I do. I need to.”

“Why?” he asked, his voice all low and gravelly. And the simple questions answered her more than a direct answer to her question.

Her heart fluttered. Her stomach went tight. She felt drawn to him. Even more intensely that she had at the bar. What was it about this? Because his eyes meant something to her. Because they spoke to her. Something about him seemed to reach inside her and draw her close. She couldn’t understand.

“Don’t do that,” he said.

“I’m not... Doing anything.”

“You are.”

“I’m not.”

“Don’t look at me like you’re begging me to come over there and kiss you.”

“Oh, I assure you, sir, there is no begging.”

Now she was imagining begging him, and it was far, far too easy.

He looked toward her, and she squeaked.

“Liar,” he said.

“Fine. I’m having good memories of you. But my head will prevail. We are obviously connected in ways that we can’t untangle. Griffin and Iris. They are both important people to us and even more so right now... Trying to find my place in this community and...”

“Right. Well.”

He took a step back, and she could breathe again.

“This is fine. I’ll be fine,” she said. “I’ll figure out how to drive up here. But you really won’t install a guardrail for me?”

“How about I get you a guide llama?”

“Uh...”

“Guide raccoon? He won’t be able to carry much.”

“Going to pass on the guide. But thank you.”

“You will find that I make a lot of these kinds of helpful suggestions. Meaning, not helpful at all.”

“I guess it’s good to know what I’m getting into.”

“Just so you know, there’s a few things in the barn that I haven’t had the chance to move in. A coffee maker and a toaster, a few other small appliances.”

“Oh...yeah I could use those. I mean, I have a coffee maker but it’s old.”

“This one is new. I bought some things, I just hadn’t brought them all up.”

“Where is the barn?”

“It’s right next to the main house.”

“Okay, I’ll go through it and bring up what I need.”

Then he turned and walked out of the house, leaving her there by herself.

She began to work at bringing in boxes, trying at the same time to mentally accept everything that had happened since she’d made her move. She’d already slept with someone, and she was trying to figure out how to cope with that.

Not bad for a woman who had clung to a relationship for a decade.

“Maybe that’s the growth I’m waiting for.”

She said it out loud because she was alone, and it was her house and no one would think she was crazy.

And that felt like growth too.

Though, this whole growth thing wasn’t exactly clear or easy, and after spending so many years in a vague state of unhappiness that she was only just now becoming fully aware of, she had been hoping, deeply, that growth would be easier. That somehow she would move here, and there would be magic. That she would be cosmically imbued with maturity and strength heretofore unknown.

Though what she seemed to have learned was that she made mistakes when it came to the men she chose to sleep with.

Images of that night filtered before her mind’s eye, and she really couldn’t call Colt Daniels a mistake.

It had been orgasmic triumph. Like climbing a mountain.

Sexual Everest.

But she didn’t need to climb it multiple times. She could just climb it once.

She had thoroughly scaled it. All was well. And now she could practice other things.