The Stocking Was Hung(33)

Realizing this conversation is quickly taking a turn for the worse, I quickly push my chair back from the table, thinking fast and knowing I need to do something before Bev starts in on Noel again about not settling down.

While Reggie is still complaining about whips and chains and Bev is droning on and on about why Noel doesn’t think she has good taste in lingerie, I reach for my wallet in my back pocket and quickly pull out the small item nestled inside one of the credit card slots. Something I’ve kept in there since I was old enough to carry a wallet and take it out to hold in my hand whenever I’m feeling sorry for myself.

Tossing my wallet onto the table once I get the item out, I quickly get down on one knee next to Noel’s chair and softly clear my throat.

“Holy shit!” Nicholas curses, making Noel turn her head toward me to see what he’s staring at all wide-eyed and slack-jawed.

“Holy shit,” she whispers as well when she sees me down on one knee next to her, holding up a gold engagement ring with a one carrot princess cut diamond in the center.

“I wanted to wait until the perfect moment to do this, because you are perfect,” I tell her honestly. “But I realized it doesn’t matter where or when I do this, just that I do it.”

I clear my throat again, a lump forming in it so large that I’m afraid if I don’t spit these words out, I’ll forget how to speak. My hands are shaking and my palms are sweaty as I stare up into the face of the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. I wish I could tell her this isn’t for show. This isn’t part of the fake Logan charade. This is real and everything I say is real.

“I think I fell in love with you the first moment I saw you,” I continue, watching her eyes fill with tears. “And every moment I’ve spent with you since then has just gotten better and better. I love your smile, I love your laugh, and I love the way you love your family, so unconditionally that you would do anything for them. Marry me, Noel Holiday. Marry me and never leave. Love me forever and I will do everything I can to keep that smile on your face and the laughter in your voice.”

I hear sniffles from the other side of the room and look out of the corner of my eye to see Bev sobbing, wiping at her eyes with her napkin.

“I knew the negligees were a good idea,” she says with another sniffle.

Turning my focus back to Noel, I hold my breath and wait for her to say something. This might not have been the best idea I’ve ever come up with, considering her aversion to marriage and what happened the last time some schmuck got down on his knee and proposed, but it felt right. It still feels right, even though waiting for her to speak feels like I’ve waited ten lifetimes and a thousand years have gone by instead of just a few seconds.

“Yes.”

Her voice is so soft that I barely hear the quiet whisper and I shake my head, wondering if she didn’t say anything and maybe it was just her mother’s snotty nose making noise again.

“What?” I ask in shock.

“Yes. I said yes, of course I’ll marry you.”

Everyone starts talking all at once around the table. There’s shouting, crying, cursing, and Reggie complaining about how now that I’ve bought the milk, he can’t threaten my life anymore and how all that eggnog he threw away was just plain wasteful.

I ignore the commotion, grab Noel’s hand from her lap and slide the ring on the finger of her left hand, knowing as I look down at it sparkling on her finger, that it’s exactly where it was meant to be. Not hidden away in my wallet for all of my life, only brought out every few months when I was feeling sad, but right here, on Noel’s hand.

“Where in the hell did you get this?” Noel whispers, examining the ring while the commotion continues around the table.

“It was my mother’s,” I tell her with a shrug. “Well, according to Children’s Services, at least. When my parents died when I was a few weeks old, that’s was the only item they kept for me. I got it when I turned sixteen and I’ve carried it with me ever since.”

It’s Noel’s turn to sniffle and she swipes away at the tears on her cheeks.

“I can’t believe you did this for me. I can’t believe you went through all this trouble just to get my mother to shut up. I can never thank you enough for coming here and pretending to do all of this,”

My heart cracks a little inside at her words, but it’s my own fault. I haven’t told her I’m not pretending. I haven’t told her I mean it. All of it. The love, the marriage, the forever. I mean it and I want it with her.

“Noel-”

“Alright, everyone in the living room for your Christmas Eve presents!” Bev announces, cutting off my words to Noel, pushing back her chair and tossing her napkin on the table.

Noel gets up from her own chair and grabs my hand, pulling me up from the floor.

“I promise I’ll give this back before you leave,” she whispers as she pulls me into the living room behind everyone else.

Everyone is talking, passing out presents, the Christmas music is turned up and the noisy ripping of wrapping paper is so loud that it’s impossible for me to say anything to Noel. I get caught up in the excitement, watching everyone open the present Bev set out for them under the tree and the moment passes for me to pull Noel aside and lay it all on the line for her. Maybe I should try harder, maybe I should demand she come with me somewhere private so we can talk, but I don’t. I’m a dick because I just want this moment to last for as long as possible. I want to look over at her, so happy and full of laughter and see that ring on her finger and imagine it’s real. Imagine that she knows it’s real and she’s happy and wants the same things I do. It’s easier to pretend than to spit out the truth and find out that maybe she doesn’t feel the same way. I’m not ready for her to tell me all of this is only one-sided.