The Stand-In Boyfriend (Grove Valley High #1)(90)

I’m shaking my head. “I mean privately.” My eyes find his. “We need to talk.” He still doesn’t say anything, just looks back at me with that unwavering stare, eyes fixed on me, oblivious—or just indifferent—to all the eyes on us. “Please,” I add softly. “Please, Chase.”

His eyes soften for the briefest of seconds at my plea before his guard goes back up, but he nods and stands, gathers his bag from the floor, throws it onto his back, and walks around the table to join me. My gaze finds Aaron and he offers me a warm smile and a nod of encouragement just as Chase reaches my side. I swallow loudly, still so nervous about how this will go, and try to offer Chase a smile, but it gets stuck on my lips. I turn around and point toward the entrance I came in, muttering that we can go sit on the benches out there. It was quiet when I passed by before and there’s enough space around them that they offer some privacy. I make my way over, trying to ignore the curious glances we’re getting. As we approach my usual table, I glance that way and find both Sophie and Jessie looking over at me. They’re both smiling; Sophie’s face is full of encouragement, but Jessie’s smile is smaller, sad almost. Still, when my eyes meet his, he brightens slightly and nods his head. He’s letting me know it’s all right, saying he gets it and he’s okay with it. I slow my pace slightly and smile back at him. I sense Chase stiffen at my side and when I turn to him, he’s staring straight at Jessie so I know he caught that look between us. His face is a mask, not giving anything away, but I can see the tension in his body. I hastily pick up my pace and hurry toward the exit. I don’t want him to have any excuse to get away. When I reach it, I turn back to face him, and to my relief, he’s still there. He indicates with his arms for me to go first, and I lead the way over to an empty picnic table as far from everyone else as possible.

I take a seat facing away from the table and the windows of the cafeteria where I’m sure some people are watching us, my back leaning against the edge, and he sits next to me, staring straight ahead. He’s sitting a polite distance away and it’s so different from how he’s been with me, always throwing his hand around my shoulders or pulling me into him, it makes me want to cry.

I don’t say anything for a couple of minutes, trying to figure out the best way to do this, and he doesn’t rush me, just waits, silently staring ahead. Only after a couple of minutes does he glance to the side at me. He sees me twisting my fingers together and finally speaks. He reaches out, gently places his hand on mine, and offers me a wry smile. “Livy, it’s fine. I promise you. You don’t have to be nervous.”

Yes I do. Yes I do, because I’ve lost you. I’ve lost you and what I’m about to say could either get you back or push you away forever and I can’t handle that. I can’t handle you not being in my life.

He pulls his hand away too soon and I immediately miss his warmth. “I get it, Livy. You don’t have to feel bad.”

I take a deep breath. “I spoke to your sister.”

His whole body stills.

“And to Abigail, and then to Aaron.”

He doesn’t move a single muscle.

I sigh deeply. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He’s silent for a minute before he asks, “What did they tell you?”

“You know what they told me, Chase.” He’s staring straight ahead. “Look at me.” Slowly, he turns to face me, bright green eyes piercing mine. “You should have said something.”

He lets out a bitter laugh, looking away. “Said what? That I’ve been obsessed with you forever when you’ve never even looked twice at me? That I thought you were the coolest chick I’d ever met when we were in elementary school? That I checked your team reports even when we were at different middle schools because for some reason I wanted to see how the girl with the blonde hair and killer strike was doing?”

My heart starts slamming in my chest. It’s true. What his sister said…it’s true.

“That for whatever reason I didn’t forget about you when we were at different schools just because I thought you were so cool? That I couldn’t get over the girl who could play soccer better than me? That I wondered about you? That I occasionally thought about what you were doing?”

I don’t move a muscle, scared he’ll stop if I do.

“And then when we got to high school and I saw you again, that I thought you were the prettiest girl I had ever seen? That I got this ridiculous crush on you the second I saw you but you didn’t even recognize me when you saw me again? That it was obvious within five minutes of watching you that you were crazy about Jessie and couldn’t even see anyone else? That despite the fact that you were obviously obsessed with Stephenson, I couldn’t get over my stupid feelings? That, even though you never looked at me until we started this whole pretend relationship, I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since we were freshmen?”

He lets out a long exhale while my heart hammers wildly. It’s one thing for his sister and Aaron and Abigail to tell me about his feelings, but it’s a different thing hearing it from him. It makes it real. “I didn’t know.”

He offers me a wry smile, his eyes briefly meeting mine before he looks away again. “Yeah, I know. I’m better at hiding my feelings than you are.” I nod while he stares into the distance. After another minute, he turns back to me. “It was like the second or third week of high school, the first time I got it—the first time I realized I liked you. I was walking out of math and you were walking past in the hall, not paying attention, and I walked right into you. I helped you pick up your things and when your eyes met mine, it felt like I stopped breathing, Livy, like all the air had been sucked out of me. I’ve never felt like that before. I wanted to introduce myself, to see if you remembered me, but I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t speak being that close to you and you just smiled and thanked me then walked off.” He pauses. I don’t dare move in case it makes him stop speaking. He’s never been this honest with me, this frank. “I was a complete goner from then on, and then I turned around and saw you meet up with Jessie, saw the way you looked at him, and I just knew I had no chance.” He lets out a long sigh. “You probably don’t know what I’m talking about. You probably didn’t even remember me.”