The Space In Between(7)

Whenever Mom or Daddy would call, I would tell them I was doing great. Working at a nice restaurant down the way and looking to get back into dancing. Which was pretty true. After Kate got fed up with my annoyance and moved out of the apartment, Ladasha and I needed more cash for rent. So she offered me a chance to get on stage.
“Come on, you’re a fantastic dancer!!!” she cheered. I shook my head. I would be lying if I didn’t watch the girls onstage and see that it really was an art form. The way they moved their bodies and took perfect upside down spins around the pole made me almost want to dance again.
“Just think about it. I’ll have Roger give you a practice run someday soon. Maybe a few lap dances for some dudes. Come on, what could it hurt? Listen, I gotta get to work. There’s some Chinese food in the fridge. Eat something, skinny. I’ll see you later.” My best friend rushed out of the room, leaving me there alone once again, with my thoughts.
I hated being called skinny. Mainly because I was skinny now. It wasn’t that I was a hippo or anything before; I was 5’8” and weighed 130 lbs. Too big to be a ballet dancer, but just right for contemporary dance. After the accident I lost a good fifteen pounds. Most girls would be thrilled, but I didn’t like it about me; heck, there wasn’t much I enjoyed about myself lately.
I rolled my eyes and stood up to go dye my hair in the bathroom. A change was needed, even if it were only a physical one.
I promise to love you without reservation. Comfort you in times of distress. Encourage you to achieve all of your goals.
“Stop it...” I hissed as I stood in front of the bathroom mirror. My reflection was mocking me. Reminding me of who I used to be, the person I had left behind in Wisconsin. Every stupid freckle on my face reminded me of who I was, giving me a new desire to never pass by a mirror.
Laugh with you and cry with you. Grow with you in mind and spirit.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Stop it…stop it… My hands formed fists and slammed against the sink counter. I was losing it again. My mind was traveling to places I wished to forget. My brain was dishing out old memories which had once made me smile, yet they were now tainted with sorrow and regret.
Always be open and honest with you and cherish you…
“STOP!” I screamed into the mirror as my eyes flung opened. I stared at the now tear-filled blue eyes. I could run from the rest of my past with such ease, but each time I looked in the mirror was a constant reminder of who I used to be. What I used to be. Slowly I was becoming disgusted with my inability to move forward with life; I just kept living the same nightmare over and over again.
Reaching for the pair of scissors on the counter, I pulled my long, gold-soaked locks of hair into my hand and stared at myself once more in the mirror. Please…
…For as long as we both shall live. For as long as we both shall live. For as long…
I started cutting my shoulder-length hair. One strand at a time. Two strands. Five. Seventeen. Chopping. Tearing away at each layer more aggressively. Tears hitting the floor at the same speed as the golden strands. I closed my eyes as I chopped the final parts. Opening my eyes, I let out the breath I’d been holding for quite awhile.
Picking up the box of black hair dye, I looked at the new Meg Ryan, You Got Mail haircut I was sporting. The clock on the bathroom wall ticked loudly behind me, reminding me that time was still moving forward as I stood still. I looked at the clock, which said it was a little before midnight, and the streets of New York City were still alive. The sounds of sirens blaring made my skin crawl, and I watched the wicked window inviting the winds into the apartment, blowing the curtains with the crisp, autumn freshness.
I let out a sigh and began to overdose my hair with the dark ink, which ran down my face. I watched as the clock struck midnight.


Chapter Four

I STOOD OUTSIDE our New York Apartment and waited for her to answer the door. I would be lying if I said my heart didn’t skip a beat when I saw her. She looked amazing. Fuckin’ A, she was gorgeous. She smiled brightly and invited me in. “No, I just wanted to drop this off. You got my mail?” I handed Iris my key to the apartment and watched her disappear to retrieve my mail.
When Iris returned to the porch, she handed me my letters and sighed. “Come on, Cooper. Let’s talk. When did you get out?” I didn’t listen and turned to walk away. She was pretty much begging for my attention, “Seriously? That’s all I get?”
Turning back to her, I studied her stomach; she had to be about five months pregnant and she was starting to show. “Yeah, Iris. That’s all you get.”
I could feel my mind going back to the night I found out she was pregnant. It was hard to focus on the moment before me and I was about to lose it when I saw her and her stomach standing in front of me. I reached into my coat pocket and squeezed the stress ball I’d become accustomed to carrying around with me. Fuck. I shouldn’t have come here.
“It’s just, when you called I thought you were coming home…” she whispered. She had a bit of hope in her eyes, hope that I would give her the hug she was desperately in need of, hope that I would forgive her, and hope that I would come home.
What home? I thought to myself. I hadn’t had a home in quite some time and didn’t want Iris to get the wrong idea. “I said I was coming to drop off the key and pick up my mail. That’s all.”
Her hand reached out and grabbed my wrist. I raised an eyebrow, “You don’t want to do that, Iris.” She let go instantly. Looking down the street, I saw a few people with cameras snapping away at me. First, I was shocked. That was until I looked up to see Iris and realized how gorgeous she was. Even more beautiful than normal. High heels on to answer the door and not a hair out of place. “You called the paparazzi?” I questioned.