The Slow Burn (Moonlight and Motor Oil #2)(31)

“Iz—” I began, shoving off my other shoe.

“If it’s not my business, it’s not my business,” she said. “Johnny called Toby today about it, and Toby told him it was private. It’s just that it kinda wasn’t private in a fairly public way.”

I honed in on one part of that.

“Johnny called Toby about it?”

“Big brother stuff,” she muttered.

I bet Tobe loved that.

He never said anything, but I’d been noticing, especially lately, that some of Johnny’s Big Bro Know-It-All Attitude was rubbing Toby the wrong way.

Johnny was good people and just cared about his brother.

But I was half in love with Toby, so maybe someone else might disagree, but I thought it was a bit much.

Onward from this, it was cool Toby said our incident was private. It meant a lot that he didn’t share my business.

Of course, I’d made it screamingly clear how I’d feel if he did.

It was still nice he didn’t.

But Eliza was Eliza.

She was my big sister.

And she wasn’t about razzing and being a know-it-all.

She was about love and support and nurture and beauty.

Like Mom.

Just like Mom.

Which was why she started, “Addie, just to say, if you ever need—”

I looked her right in the eye and declared, “I’m gonna need to talk to Johnny about deferring the loan for a few months.”

She stared at me with open surprise, and even I didn’t know where that came from.

Though, I did.

Flipping out about Toby’s assertion that if he was fucking me, he’d get a say in my life, I had not fully processed all the other stuff he’d said.

But it seemed in that microsecond, that happened.

“He won’t mind,” Izzy told me. “He’d forgive it totally if you’d let him.”

“That’s not going to happen,” I shared carefully. “But I need to get some things straightened out before I pick up the payment again, so when I say a few months, it might be on the broad side of that.”

“He won’t mind,” she repeated.

“And I’m gonna be asking Margot to look after Brooks a couple of days a week.”

Again, Izzy just stared at me.

And again, I didn’t know where this was coming from.

Even though I did.

Toby.

My mouth kept moving.

“I think he needs socialization and they have a wait list to get in the center now, so I don’t want to pull him out entirely because if Margot doesn’t work out, I couldn’t get him back in. But maybe two or three days a week, if she’s still up for it. I just . . .” I hesitated then since it was out there, really, I put it all out there, “need a break on the fees.”

“She’d love that,” Izzy said softly. “You know she would. She’s been hoping you’d take her up on her offer since she met Brooks.”

I knew she would. And when my baby got kidnapped, I’d wished he’d been with Margot because she would have cut an asshole for even looking at Brooklyn funny.

But after that drama died down, I’d gone back to what I’d been doing before.

Pretending I had it together and could manage everything.

“I can’t afford your mortgage,” I blurted.

Izzy’s eyes got big.

Shit.

In for a penny . . .

“Perry isn’t paying child support, but even if he was, I couldn’t afford it, Iz. It takes my entire monthly paycheck.”

“Oh my God, Addie,” she said in horror. “Why didn’t you say?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. I just . . .” more head shaking, “don’t know.”

I knew.

Because I was vain.

Because I was proud.

Because I wanted to be my mother, the best mother in the world, the mother who, no matter who kicked dirt in her face after she was down, she just got up and kept on keeping on, and somehow with her unique brand of magic (in other words, a lot of hard work and sacrifice) she made it all work out.

“I need a different job,” I told Iz. “I need to make a lot more. And to find it, I might have to go into the city.”

“Okay, then let me pay the mortgage for a few months to take the stress off and you look for something in the city.”

More shaking of my head.

“It’ll probably be serving, and to make the good money I’ll have to work the dinner shift and that means I’ll have to live there and find some arrangement for Brooks close to home.”

“Johnny and I can look after him,” she offered instantly.

“Iz, baby, lovely, my darling, beautiful sister,” I whispered, leaning so deeply toward her, I put my stomach to my thighs. “No way in hell am I gonna let you find your perfect hot guy, have him put a ring on it, and strap the two of you with my baby boy when you’re first starting out.”

“I don’t care, and Johnny won’t either.”

The crazy part of this was, neither of them would.

But I did.

“I know. I’m still not gonna ask, and you know why I won’t.” She opened her mouth, but I spoke before she could say anything. “And it doesn’t matter what you say, Iz. I just cannot let that happen.”