The Roommate Agreement(36)

“Yeah, well before that, I’d already told him that the voices inside my head wanted to have sex, but it wasn’t a fictional voice, it was my voice.”

“So you told your best friend you want to have sex and then kissed him. You’re a mess, Shelby.”

“I know.” I slumped forward on the island, raking my fingers through my hair. “What do I do, Brie?”

“Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?”

“No way. Last night can be written off because of the wine, but telling him I have feelings for him can’t be ignored.” I got back up and opened the fridge for the orange juice. “We have to live together. If I tell him I have feelings for him, it’s going to be awkward. I know he doesn’t feel that way about me.”

“Do you? He’s pretty damn moody. Just grunted at me when I said hi. Maybe he does have feelings for you.”

I shook my head even though she couldn’t see it. “He doesn’t. It was weird after. If he had feelings, he wouldn’t have pulled away, would he?”

“Maybe he pulled away because you were drinking and it was an accident.”

“I don’t know. I’m kinda hoping we can just forget it ever happened.”

Brie blew out a breath that crackled down the line. “I don’t know. You didn’t see him today. I don’t think forgetting is an option.”

“But I want to forget.”

“That’s not how it works.”

“I don’t care. I want to forget it happened, so we’re not going to talk about it.”

“What if Jay wants to talk about it?”

“Then he can talk about it. It doesn’t mean I’m going to reply.”

She was silent for a moment. “You’re hard work, do you know that?”

“I’m familiar with hard work. I washed my hair this morning. Drying it was a bitch.” I paused. “I know you’re right and that I have to talk to him about it, but I’m not going to admit that I have a crush on him.”

“Fine. It’s your funeral if he ever finds out you were lying, especially if he feels the same way.”

“He doesn’t feel the same.”

“You don’t know unless you ask.”

“Brie, I love you, but that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. If I’m not going to tell him I have a crush on him, then I’m not going to ask him if he has one on me.”

I practically heard her rolling her eyes.

“Okay, okay. I get it. It’s hard now that you’re living together, but maybe you can’t ignore this forever. And think about it—if he shares your feelings, you don’t have to deal with the hoopla of moving in together.”

“But if we ever broke up, we’d be living together.”

“A slight complication,” she admitted. “Just… Brush it off, then. Pretend it’s no big deal, and eventually one of you will move on—probably him, since you only venture outside for food—and then you’ll hate yourself for never telling him while he’s marrying some hot other woman and you’re cut out of his life, because a pretty, single female friend would be threatening to his new wife.”

And we were done with this conversation.

“Bye, Brie.” I hung up before she could say anything, and her text message that followed was very simple: LOL.

I knew I was being a little bit irrational over this. If Jay wasn’t my best friend, this wouldn’t be an issue, but I didn’t want to complicate things. I didn’t want to add another dimension to our friendship. Telling him I’d been crushing on him since he moved in wasn’t exactly a good idea.

Despite what Brie said, I did have to face him at least once or twice a day. I didn’t want him to be looking at me and wondering if I’d been fantasizing about him—or, hell, knowing Jay, he’d ask me outright just to get under my skin.

No. I’d made my choice. I’d talk to him about what happened last night, brushing it off as all mistakes. That was the easiest route to go down. Mostly because it wasn’t exactly all lies.

It was an accident that I’d kissed him.

Never mind that I’d wanted to step in closer and wind my fingers in his shirt, prolonging it. It was still a mistake.

Mostly because I hadn’t gotten the good ol’ drunken sleep that comes after one too many glasses of wine. Nope. My brain had me tossing and turning all night with the memory of that one kiss.

More than once I’d woken up all hot and tangled in my sheets with my heart pounding. I couldn’t remember the dreams, but I didn’t actually need to.

The gentle throbbing between my legs had told me everything I’d needed to know.

All that from one kiss. One poxy little kiss that barely even counted as one in the first place.

It was ridiculous, quite frankly.

I glanced at my phone for the time. I didn’t know what time Jay finished work, but if we were going to talk about what had happened, I was going to ply him with food. He could criticize my diet all he liked, but the way to that man’s heart—and brain—literally was through his stomach.

So through his stomach I would go.

? ? ?

The sound of the shower running filled the apartment as I juggled the grocery bags in my arms. I had to kick the door shut behind me before I dropped the heavier bag of the two, and I still only just made it to the island before it dropped.