The Roommate Agreement(34)

Let’s just say I wanted to do it as much as I wanted Wolverine to give me a prostate exam.

“You were a cute baby,” Shelby whispered, cupping her hand over her mouth like we were in public. “Even when you used submarines as a penis.”

“I didn’t use submarines as a penis,” I replied. “I happened to be holding it in that position when Mom took the photo.”

“It’s going on the wall at your wedding.”

“I’m never getting married.”

She groaned. “Birthdays, then. I’ll send them to the email of your future girlfriends. I will find a way!” She punched the air, almost sending herself toppling over.

“Not that drunk, my ass,” I said, pulling her back before she could stumble through the now-open doors and fall flat on her face.

“I’m fine,” she mumbled, once again gripping my t-shirt. “Got a bit excited.”

“You’re insane.”

“No, I’m not. It’s not my fault there are voices.” She tapped the side of their head. “They’re loud. One of them wants to have sex.”

Jesus fucking Christ.

“Oh. That’s my voice.” She snorted then clapped her hand over her mouth to hide it.

My eyebrows shot up, and I stopped outside the front door to look down at her. “Your voice is the one who wants to have sex?”

Her cheeks flushed, and she refused to meet my eyes. “No comment.”

I stared at her for a moment longer before I let her go to put the key into the lock. It clicked when I turned it, and I pushed the door wide open so I could easily help Shelby through.

“I got it.” She waved her hand in my direction and used the doorframe to get inside. I shook my head, following her and shutting the door behind us. I paused to lock it, turning just in time to grab Shelby and reroute her to the kitchen.

“Water and aspirin,” I reminded her. “I’m not going to listen to you complain about a hangover tomorrow just because you had a little too much wine with my mother. By now, you should really know better.”

“Pish.” She gripped the counter as she opened the fridge. “Your mom is fun. Especially when we get out the baby pictures.”

“I’m going to call your mom and have her send me your baby photos.”

“Go ahead. She probably lost them.” Shelby looked over her shoulder at me. “You know what she’s like. She can’t even remember my birthday most years without setting herself a reminder.”

Well, that was true. She was the ditsiest person I knew.

I pulled the aspirin from the cupboard and tapped two out of the bottle for her. I set them down on the wooden cutting board and got two for myself, then took hers over to her. She was frowning at the water bottle, and I grinned when I realized what she was doing.

I put down the pills again and took it from her, easily untwisting the cap.

Now, she frowned at me. “How did you do that?”

“I twisted it the right way.”

“Ohhh.” She tilted her head to the side. So much so that she almost fell over.

“Okay. Drink this and take the aspirin. You’ve had enough injuries for one day.” I handed her back the bottle and shoved two of the pills at her.

She did as she was told, taking them from me. She tossed them into her mouth and washed them down before setting the bottle down. “Thank you. You’re such a good friend. Even if the voices in my head want to have sex with you.”

My eyebrows shot up as she sent me a dreamy smile. “All right. It’s time for you to go to bed.”

“Are you coming with me?” She giggled, clutching the water.

I rounded the island and gripped her upper arms to direct her to her room. She was clearly drunker than she was letting on, but that was what happened when you drank three glasses of wine before you ate dinner.

“Jay’s taking me to bed.” She giggled more, but this time, it was all interspersed with hiccups. “Oh, dear.”

Oh, dear, was about right. That was exactly how I felt right about now.

“Here we are.” I pushed open her bedroom door. It was so much tidier than mine was. I had clothes strewn across the floor where I’d tossed them into my laundry basket and missed, but there wasn’t as much as a trailing cable on hers. Her desk didn’t even have an empty glass on it, and there was already a coaster on the nightstand. Even her damn trash can was empty.

It was amazing how two such different people were such good friends.

“Can you get yourself changed?”

Shelby turned, eyes widening, and looked at me. “You want to undress me?”

Yes.

“No,” I replied. “But I don’t want you hurting yourself again if I leave you alone.”

“Ummm.” She looked around the room. “I think I’ll be okay.” She gave me a small smile.

“You sure?”

“Sure.” Shelby turned her body toward me and touched her hand to my upper arm. “Thank you for putting up with my antics with your family.”

My lips pulled to one side. “Yeah, you’re making it hard for me to ever bring a girl home to them because I don’t think anyone will compare to you.”

She dipped her head, mouth curving slightly, and looked up at me through thick, dark eyelashes. “They have to get through me first anyway.”