The Resurrection of Wildflowers (Wildflower #2)(70)

I don’t know whether I’m trying to convince him or myself.

“You’re allowed to be upset.”

“I-I know that.” I hastily put the last few things in my toiletry bag and zip it up. “I need to go. I can’t miss my flight.”

“Salem—” He reaches for me, but I scoot out of his hold.

I add the small bag into my suitcase and zip it up. “I’m going to call an Uber.” I look around for my phone, not able to remember where I last set it.

“Salem,” he says my name again, sterner this time. “Maybe you shouldn’t go.”

I snort. “Not go? It’s Lauren’s bachelorette, I have to go. She’s my best friend.”

I’m not going to let this overshadow her weekend. That would be selfish.

“Please, just talk to me.” He grips my arms, forcing me to stop pacing around the room. “I’ll drive you to the airport.” I open my mouth to argue that he’ll be late for work, but he beats me to it. “I’m the boss, I can be late if I want. I just want to know how you’re feeling. I don’t want you to keep this bottled inside. You do too much of that as it is.”

I shake my head back and forth, biting my lip. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You need to,” he insists.

But I don’t want to voice my thoughts aloud. I know I’ll sound selfish and whiny and that’s not at all how I want to be as a person.

“Salem,” he insists. “Please, talk to me. There’s nothing you could say that would bother me.”

“I don’t want to complain.”

“How is me asking you to talk about it, you complaining?”

I sit down on the edge of the bed. “Sometimes I think I’m being punished,” I whisper the bad thought out loud. “That I’m not allowed to be happy.”

His face falls. “Why would you think that?”

“My dad.” I barely utter those two words. They taste like tar on my tongue. I don’t like talking about him. Thayer kneels in front of me, his hands on my knees. “Maybe,” I go on, “because of what he did to me, I’m supposed to suffer.” This is a thought I’ve only ever shared with my therapist. It’s one that hasn’t haunted me in a long time, but when my mom’s cancer came back terminal this time, that thought reared its ugly head again. I also had it when I had to leave Thayer. “It’s like I can’t catch a break. My mom got cancer, Forrest died, I lost you, the cancer came back, my mom died, and I just…” I let my head fall. “It’s like every time I start to feel happy something happens to ruin it and maybe it’s the universe saying I don’t deserve that.”

“Hey.” I can hear the tears in his voice. He takes my cheeks in his hands, forcing me to look at him. “Don’t think like that. It’s not true. I don’t believe it for a minute. What he did—that’s on him. You did nothing wrong. Do you hear me, Salem? You. Did. Nothing. Wrong. You didn’t ask for that to happen. He was an evil, disgusting man, and those choices are on him. He has to pay for them, not you. But sometimes,” his cheeks are wet with tears, and it breaks my heart more, “things just happen. Life isn’t perfect. It’s not smooth sailing. There are good days and bad. Things happen that we don’t understand, and we just have to keep going. I’ll never understand why my son had to leave this earth before me, but I know I have to keep living for him even if he’s not here to see it. Your mom getting cancer is a tragedy and it’s awful, but it was just life and how things go. It wasn’t to punish you. Please, don’t think that. And neither is this,” he tosses his thumb over his shoulder at the bathroom, “it’s one negative test, and if it worries you, I’ll pay whatever the fuck I have to for every test we both need to ease your mind. But I fucking hate that you, even for a second, think any of these things are your fault.”

I swallow past the lump in my throat. I don’t deserve this man, but I’m so thankful he’s mine.

I wipe the tears from his cheeks. “I love you.”

He kisses me softly, tenderly, and I still manage to feel it all the way to my toes. “I love you, too, Sunshine.”

Taking a moment in the bathroom to splash my face with water and try to get myself looking like … well, like I didn’t just spend the last I don’t know how many minutes crying which requires actually applying some makeup which I normally never bother wearing. When I come out of the bathroom, Thayer’s sitting on the bed and my bag is gone. He holds a single peony in his hands.

He doesn’t say a word. He merely stands up, hands me the flower, and leads me outside.

That’s Thayer.

He doesn’t need words to remind me he’s got my back.





CHAPTER 45





THAYER





I pull up to the airport drop off and park my truck. Salem seems to be feeling better, but the negative pregnancy test rattled her.

Hopping out, I grab her suitcase from behind my seat and wheel it around stopping in front of her where she waits for me on the curb.

“Have fun,” I tell her. “I mean it. Don’t dwell on things. Just have a good time with the girls.”

She smiles but I can tell it’s a little forced. “I will.” She stands on her tiptoes, pressing a quick kiss to my lips. Grabbing the handle of her suitcase, she tries to escape from me quickly.