The Resurrection of Wildflowers (Wildflower #2)(69)

“Then it’s definitely okay with me.”





CHAPTER 44





SALEM





My toiletry bag sits half-packed on the edge of the bathroom sink. I stare at the handful of tampons sitting in the bottom of it from the last time I took a trip. I start counting up the days, realizing I’m almost a week late.

I’m supposed to be leaving for Las Vegas in only a few hours, but now…

“Thayer?” I call out from the bathroom. He’s in the bedroom, getting ready for work, so he pokes his head in right away.

“Yeah?”

“I’m late.”

He looks at his watch. “What? No, you’re not. Your flight is still hours away.”

“No, babe. My period. It’s late.”

“Oh fuck.” His eyes widen. “You … you’re pregnant?”

I bite my lip, my hands unconsciously going to my stomach. “I think I could be. I’m going to run to the store and get a test.”

“No, you stay and finish packing. I’ll go buy it. I’ll be back as fast I can.” He finishes tugging his shirt on, the one with the Holmes Landscaping logo over the left side of the chest, and a bigger version of it on the back.

I pace the bathroom and bedroom while he’s gone, haphazardly throwing my things into my overnight bag. I’m only going to be in Vegas for two nights, so I’m definitely over packing which isn’t like me, but my head is all over the place.

I knew this would eventually be the outcome when I tossed my birth control, so it’s not a surprise that I’m probably pregnant, but I know I’ll feel unsure until I take the test.

I stand in front of the mirror, lifting my tank top to reveal my bare stomach. Obviously, there’s no bump there, but I place my hand beneath my belly button, rubbing in small circles.

Is there a baby in there?

My feelings are vastly different than when I missed my period with Seda. Then, I was a terrified nineteen-year-old, panicked at the idea of an unplanned pregnancy and being a single mom.

This time around, I feel nothing but excitement at the idea of becoming a mom again.

It’s crazy to think a few months ago I wasn’t sure I’d ever have more kids. Deep down I knew I wouldn’t want to have kids with anyone who wasn’t Thayer.

I hear the front door open and nearly burst with nervous energy when Thayer strolls into the bedroom. He passes me the pharmacy bag and I remove the box. He splurged and got one that leaves absolutely no confusion that says either PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT.

Hurrying into the bathroom, I close myself into the little room with the toilet while Thayer waits on the other side.

“It says it takes five minutes for results to appear,” he says through the doorway.

I finish my business and pull up my shorts. Opening the door, Thayer moves out of my way. I cap the stick and lay it on the counter, washing my hands.

“How do you feel?” He wraps his arms around me, hugging me tight to his chest.

I bite my lip, leaning my head back to peer up at him. “Nervous. Excited. Happy. You?”

“Happy,” he repeats with a grin, rubbing his thumbs over my cheeks. “So fucking happy.”

“It might be negative,” I remind him, though I’m convinced it won’t be.

My period is never late, so the only logical conclusion is that I am pregnant. But there's always that small chance that I'm not, so I pace the length of the bathroom waiting for the five minutes to be up. Thayer watches me from the corner of the bathroom, his lips quirked in amusement. He doesn't say anything, just lets me get out my nervous energy.

“How long has it been?”

He looks down at his watch. “Another minute.”

“Ugh!” I groan in frustration.

After the longest minute of my life, I pick up the pregnancy test. I stare at it in surprise. Thayer comes up behind me, looking over my shoulder.

NOT PREGNANT.

“Oh,” I say softly, gently laying the stick back on the sink. “Oh,” I say a bit louder this time. “I thought for sure I was pregnant. I…”

Devastation fills me.

I burst into uncontrollable sobs. It’s stupid, I know, but I feel like I’ve failed at something. I know we haven’t been trying long, and these things take time, but I guess I naively thought since I got pregnant with Seda while taking my birth control religiously that when I actually stopped it would just happen immediately.

So stupid of me.

On top it are the confusing emotions of grief for my mom that makes me extra emotional with everything these days.

“Hey,” Thayer reaches for me, “it’s okay.”

“It’s late, my period is late,” I defend. “But I’m not…” I trail off, still in disbelief.

“Fuck, baby.” He rests his chin on top of my head. “I’m sorry.”

He’s apologizing? Why? It’s not his fault. It’s not mine either, I know that, but I’m just sad. After so much devastation lately, I felt excited at the prospect of being pregnant.

“It’s okay,” I sniffle, pulling out of his hold. I grab a piece of toilet paper, using it to dry my blotchy face. “I’m just dealing with a lot right now.” I fan my suddenly hot face with my hands. “It’s no big deal.”