The Resurrection of Wildflowers (Wildflower #2)(30)

I keep picturing that little girl’s face in my mind.

Her eyes are brown, just like mine.

I wish so badly I could’ve been there, for Salem, for my daughter.

I didn’t get to see Salem grow round with our child, or give birth, or get to be there for any of Seda’s milestones. It wasn’t a lie when I told her I didn’t want to dwell on the mistakes of our past, because it’s true, I want to move on and start fresh, but I need this fucking moment to wallow.

Both of us made mistakes and horrible choices, not just her. I know I’m equally at fault for this outcome and I’m just as mad at myself for it as I am her.

I’m going to let myself feel that—the anger—and then move the fuck on.

When I’ve exhausted myself, I trudge upstairs to my room and take an extra-long shower. It’s still early when I get out so I lay across my bed and check my phone. Salem’s sent me albums of photos to download.

I look through them slowly, picking apart details and learning everything I can about my daughter. Like how she must love all colors, but especially pink. How she likes to dress up as a princess and have tea parties but also likes to run around outside in the rain, getting covered in mud. There are photos of her in a ballet tutu. I wonder if she takes lessons or she was only playing dress up.

I learn many things from the photos, but my questions grow too.

Light starts to peek through the blinds. Laith is living in Denver, so he’s hours behind the east coast, but he’s going to have to deal. I need to talk to him, and I’ve waited long enough.

“What the fuck, man?” He groans into the line.

“I need to talk to you.”

“It’s like…” He must look at the time. “Four in the morning.”

“Salem came over last night.”

“Ugh, you are not waking me up at the ass crack of dawn to give me a rundown on your booty call.”

“Salem is not a booty call, and we haven’t been together since she got back.”

There’s rustling and I know he must be sitting up in bed. “You mean to tell me your celibate ass hasn’t been all over that, yet? Come on, bro, you’ll be in a lot better shape once you get laid.”

“Don’t talk about Salem like that. She’s not just … she’s more than that, okay?”

My brother knows all about Salem. All the gory details. He thought I was a fucking idiot for pushing the love of my life away—and he was right. I was the dumbest fucking idiot. I thought I was doing what was right. I didn’t know how long I’d be grieving and I just … didn’t want her to see me like that. I ruined us. Not her.

“Right, right. I know. But it’s four-fucking-o-clock-in-the-morning. Cut me a break. I’m not a morning person.”

“I have a daughter. With Salem. We have a child.”

He’s silent for a minute and then there’s a whistle of air escaping his lungs. “Holy fucking shit.”

“That about sums up how I feel.”

“That kid has to be what? Like six?”

“Five.”

“Fuck. That’s crazy. No wonder you called me this early. This is a lot to process. Have you told Mom and Dad?”

“I just found out. You’re the first person I called.”

“Aw.” I hear him slap a hand to his chest. “I feel special.”

“Don’t let it go to your head,” I grumble, raking my fingers through my hair.

“Oh, I am,” he chortles. “Admit it, I’m your favorite person.”

“No.”

“That’s right—second favorite, behind Salem. I’ll take it. But a kid, Thayer? A whole ass child? Wow. Fucking insane.”

I scrub my hand over my face. “I think I’m in shock.”

“Of course you fucking are. She kept that a secret from you all this time,” he rambles, barely taking a breath. “It’s a lot to take in.”

“She knows about me—well, not me specifically, but that the guy Salem was married to isn’t her biological father.”

As much as it hurt me that she went back to Caleb, right now I’m actually kind of grateful for the dude. It’s weird, I know, but he didn’t steal her from me. He was there for her when she needed someone the most. He was young, but he did what I couldn’t with my grief—he stepped up to the plate and became a husband and father.

“What does this mean for you and Salem?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, she kept a whole ass child a secret from you. That’s kind of a big deal.”

“I’m not saying it isn’t, but I’m not throwing this chance with her away.” Laith has never met his Salem—he doesn’t get how fucking lucky I am to have a chance to do things over with her, to do it right this time.

“All this time and you still feel the same about her?”

“Yeah. I do.”

When you know, you know.

I knew then but I wouldn’t let myself believe it. I believe you should learn from your mistakes, so that’s what I’m trying to do.

“So, what’s your daughter’s name?”

I smile before I even say it. “Seda.”

“That’s a weird name.”