The Resurrection of Wildflowers (Wildflower #2)(23)

Winnie waddles into the living room with a bone in her mouth, plopping at my feet.

Despite the sound of the TV in the background, it’s eerily quiet in the house. It’s something I haven’t been able to get over in the last six years. I might not have had Forrest all the time after the divorce, but the quiet was different when he was alive.

I miss his endless chatter, the million and one questions he would ask me, the sound of his feet running through the house.

Sometimes it feels like I’ve been stabbed between the ribs, the pain feels so real, knowing I won’t hear or see him ever again. He’s forever stuck in my memory as that little seven-year-old boy. He’d be thirteen now, at the start of his teenage years. I’m never going to help him learn to drive a car, or watch him graduate, or see what he decides to do with his life beyond that.

It feels like some cruel cosmic joke.

The worst is when I dream about him and wake up and have to realize all over again that he’s gone.

After he passed, Krista begged and begged for us to have another child. She didn’t even care if we got back together. She just wanted another baby. She thought that would make things better for her, but I knew it wouldn’t and rebuked all her advances. She’s not who I wanted, and I didn’t want to bring a child into this world with someone I no longer loved.

Last I heard, she’s married again, but I have no idea beyond that and don’t care. Our lives are separate now.

For too long, it’s only been me.

Well, me and Winnie—can’t forget her.

I think of Salem, next door, close but so far away.

I told her I wanted to date her and I meant it. I knew all those years ago she was the woman for me—now I have to prove that I’m the man for her.





CHAPTER 17





SALEM





Georgia stops by to spend some time with our mom, so I use the reprieve to my advantage and go for a run. It’s later in the day than I normally go, and the heat is killer, but I know it’ll do me good to get a workout in.

I don’t really know or understand where I’m going until my legs carry me to the cemetery. I search out his grave and stop in front of it with a wildflower clasped in my hand that I plucked along my way just because I thought it was pretty. Maybe my subconscious knew I’d end up here before I did.

I lay the flower across his name and sink to my knees.

Tracing my fingers over his name, I cry, my tears splashing on the clean marble marker. Someone takes care of his grave, it’s more well-kept than the others around him and I wonder if it’s Krista or Thayer who does it.

“You would be thirteen now.” My chest shakes as I cry. “A teenager. A little man.” I tilt my head back toward the sky.

I’ve thought of Forrest every day since he passed. I see him in his sister. In her smile and laugh, in her zany personality, and her love for dinosaurs. Forrest is gone, but there are still pieces of him earth side.

It’s not fair that such a young life was cut short.

He deserved more.

Accidents happen, it’s true, but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

Death is just so fucking final and no matter how hard we try; we don’t really know what waits for us beyond.

When I signed Seda up for swim lessons I learned exactly how common water accidents are and how silent drowning is. It’s terrifying. And yet every time I’ve taken Seda to a public pool or we went to the beach, I see parents glued to their phones, oblivious to the horror that could so easily snatch their beloved child from them. Ignorance isn’t always bliss. Sometimes ignorance is dangerous.

“You have a sister,” I tell him, wiping my damp cheeks. “I think you’d love her so much. Even though you’re older than her, I know you’d be kind to her, let her tagalong with you. I named her after you, you know? Seda,” I whisper her name into existence, tracing my finger over his again. “It means spirit of the forest.” I hang my head.

Forrest’s death was hard enough to cope with before I found out I was pregnant. And once I held my baby in my arms, I couldn’t imagine the pain of laying a child to rest forever.

“You’re a good kid, Forrest. The best.” I know I’m talking like he’s still here, but it’s easier to pretend that he is when I’m talking to him like this. “I miss you.” I press my fingers to my lips, kissing them before I press them to the stone.

Standing back up, I dust grass off my shorts.

I don’t much feel like running back now, so I decide to walk instead.

Making a pitstop into the coffee shop, nearly colliding with someone when the door opens at the same time I reach for it.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” The woman carefully balances her iced drink. “Hi,” she smiles, “it’s you again. Salem, right?”

“It’s nice to see you, Jen.”

The apothecary store owner beams. There’s an airy warmness to her that can’t help but draw you in. “I hope you’re enjoying the salts and everything.”

“Very much. I need to stop back in.”

“Come in any time.” She starts to walk away, saying over her shoulder, “I hope you have a good day.”

“You, too.”

Inside the coffee shop, I place my order and grab a table while I wait. The place looks exactly the same as when I lived here before. I don’t think they’ve changed a thing, not even the art on the walls. It feels like no time at all has passed since I left town and yet so much has changed in other ways.