The Military Wife (A Heart of a Hero, #1)(53)

A sigh escaped. It had been a long time since she’d kissed a man. A long time since she’d even had the urge to kiss a man. Turns out it was like riding a bike.

She trailed her hands up to rest at his flanks, shifting her hips closer and tipping into him. The muscles of his torso shifted, and she explored the ridges. Everything except for the two of them fuzzed out of existence. She was only aware of his body and his hand on her lower back, slipping under the edge of his jacket and her shirt to singe her skin. Sensations rippled through her.

Their lips continued their advance and retreat, neither assuming control. It was an exploration. Time ceased to have meaning. He speared his hand into her hair and held her, deepening the kiss. As if she would run.

She ran her hands up his back to loop around his neck. The position levered them down to the buckled, rough planks of the dock, side by side. She craved his weight pressing her down, no matter how uncomfortable, and tugged his hips.

He pulled his mouth away to whisper her name. “Harper?”

The questioning lilt broke the spell. She pushed him away and lurched to her feet, surprised to find the moon still on the rise. A seismic shift not reflected in the turn of the Earth had thrown her little world off its axis.

She touched her lips, sensitive and slightly swollen, and backed away from him. He rose more slowly, eyeing her like she was a wild animal he was trying not to spook. Actually, that wasn’t far off the mark. She did feel a little like running away and hiding under her covers.

But she was an adult and could at least try to act like one. “I need to get back to tuck Ben in.”

“Sure.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets and didn’t try to touch her as they walked the length of the dock.

Her mind raced for something innocuous to say. The one thought that hovered above all others was of Noah. Guilt assailed her, and she attempted to tease out the root cause. It’s not that she believed she had betrayed him. He wouldn’t want her pining for him the rest of her days.

In fact, Noah hadn’t even been on the fringes of her thoughts during the kiss. Wrapped up in Bennett, it was like Noah hadn’t existed. However briefly, she had forgotten him. Her knees threatened to give out on her, and she tripped on a root at the edge of the road.

Bennett caught her arm, but she shook him off and picked up the pace. “I’m fine.”

She was being unforgivably rude, but all she could think of was Ben. Her one solid link to Noah was waiting for her, and she wouldn’t let him down. She entered the back door with a clatter, and her mother popped around the corner with a worried expression.

“Could you get Bennett settled in the guest room while I tuck Ben in, Mom?”

Harper brushed by her mom and took the stairs to Ben’s room two at a time. She stopped outside his bedroom and regulated her breathing before pushing the door open. Ben sat up in bed and played pretend with his dinosaurs.

Before she could stop herself, she sat on the edge of the twin bed and pulled him in for a hug and kiss. He squirmed away and wiped her kiss away, giggling.

“Are you ready for a book?” she asked.

“I was hoping Big Ben could come tell me another story about Daddy.”

Her heart floundered. “His name is Bennett.”

“Yeah, but he’s big and his name is almost like mine. Can he?”

“Not tonight.” She grabbed whatever book was on his nightstand and leaned back into his pillow. She read the story but didn’t comprehend the words, her mind on the man down the hall. Ben had turned on his side, his knees jabbing into her legs, his eyes closed.

She turned off the light and curled around him as if she could protect him. Except she was the one who needed protection and grounding. Knowing she was hiding like a coward, she drifted on the edge of sleep, her thoughts spiraling around Bennett and their kiss.

Was she afraid of being hurt? She let the logical explanation settle over her, but it didn’t exactly fit. It was more complicated. The truth hit her like a hurricane. She was afraid of being happy.

As she held their son, Noah loomed large in her memories. She had been happy with Noah. Did moving on with someone else overwrite that happiness or was it cumulative? She wasn’t sure.

Bennett’s words from earlier made a reappearance. He’d said Ben wouldn’t get attached because they’d just met. That wasn’t true, though. Sometimes a moment was all it took. That’s all it had taken with Noah. Life could change in a blink.

What did Bennett think of her now? That she was crazy or just not interested? Crazy was a distinct possibility, but that he could think she was uninterested made her stomach feel funny. She hadn’t rejected him at the dock. It had been a classic situation of ‘it’s not you; it’s me.” Did he realize that?

Her heart kicked into a higher gear. She eased out of bed. Ben squirmed into the warm spot she’d left but didn’t wake. The squeak of Ben’s door opening made her cringe and hold still. Everything in the house was quiet and dark. She must have been asleep longer than she’d thought.

She tiptoed down the hall and stood in front of the guest room door. Like a normal person, Bennett was probably asleep. Maybe it would be better—easier—to do this in the morning or during the car ride to Fort Bragg. She hesitated. If she didn’t do it now, she might not do it at all. And then what?

Whatever was growing between them would be stamped out for good. As scared as she was to let it flourish, she couldn’t let it die.