The Military Wife (A Heart of a Hero, #1)(39)

Chuckling, Harper poured two mugs and returned. Allison was trying to get a squirmy Libby to sit on the blanket with her juice box and crackers. The baby was nuzzling at Allison’s breast making little discontented sounds.

“Do you mind if I nurse?”

“Of course not.” Harper set one of the mugs on the side table and gestured for Allison to sit on the couch. “Make yourself comfortable. Or as comfortable as you can with a tiny human attached to your body.”

Allison’s eyes flared before laughter poured out of her. She adeptly maneuvered the baby onto her breast, covering herself with a burp cloth.

“You’re a natural.” Harper pushed away any feelings of inadequacy.

“A natural? Ha!” Allison held the baby with one hand and took a sip of coffee with the other. “It took practice. Being pregnant is weird at first. Then, just about when you’re getting used to feeling this actual human inside of you, you give birth and are expected to produce food for it. Which is totally surreal. But, then, somehow it becomes the most routine thing in the world.”

“Noah wants to have kids.” Harper couldn’t believe the admission slipped out. The only other person she’d talked to about it was her mother.

“Now or later?”

“Now. Or yesterday if I could manage it.” Harper stared into her coffee. “I’ve been putting him off. I was raised by a single mom who worked. I worked my way through school. I really thought I’d have a career going before I had kids. I mean, what’s the hurry, right?”

“I understand where you’re coming from, but these men…” Allison switched the baby to her other breast. “They approach life differently. They see a goal and go after it with everything they have, even if it means they might die. It’s part of why we were drawn to them, right? They pursued us with the same single-minded purpose.”

That certainly described Noah. What should have ended as a brief summer fling had turned into more than she’d ever imagined. Marriage, with a baby on the horizon.

“You think we should go ahead and start trying?” Harper asked.

“Now don’t go putting words in my mouth. You wait as long as you need to. I’m just attempting, in my fumbling, obtuse way, to explain the pressure. Whether Noah talks to you about it or not, every time they get orders he worries about dying. Dying without leaving some part of him behind. It’s primal, I think.”

“Did Darren tell you that?”

“Goodness no. But I’ve lived it and seen it enough to form my theories. I should write a book. Or maybe a pamphlet for military wives. Forget death and taxes, it’s all about ‘Death and Babies.’” She gestured like presenting a marquee and grinned.

“That is supermorbid.” Yet somehow Harper found herself smiling back at her.

“We’ve got to laugh about it. Most people don’t get it. The threat of death is abstract, but for women like us, the threat has moved into the spare bedroom.”

“Some nights when he’s gone, I can’t sleep because I wonder if he’s okay or I imagine terrible things. Then, other times, I forget to worry and feel guilty as hell.”

“I know exactly how you feel.”

Harper believed her. No one else, not even her mother, could truly understand.

“Did you work before you had kids? Before you and Darren got married?” Harper tucked her feet under her and nibbled on a cracker.

“Darren and I were high school sweethearts. He went through ROTC in college and applied for the SEALs right after graduation. I got a degree in education, but we got married before he got sent to boot camp, and I went home to live with my parents until he made the cut and got assigned. I’ve never worked. Well, except at home.”

“Do you regret that?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know. I wouldn’t change my life for anything, you know? It’s hard to have regrets.” She gave a slight eye roll. “Except for the lack of sleep. I really miss sleep.”

Allison put the baby over her shoulder and alternated between rubbing and patting his back. The wet protracted burp that emerged made Harper laugh, but Allison jumped up.

“Sorry. I hope we didn’t turn your couch into a toxic waste site.” Allison craned her neck to look over her shoulder. “The baby spit up.”

“Couch looks fine. Your dress on the other hand…” Harper winced.

“Here. Could you hold him a second while I change?” Allison didn’t wait for an answer and held the squirming baby out. Harper took him, and Allison squatted down to rummage through the bottom of the stroller. “No one tells you that you need spare clothes for not only the kids but yourself.”

“Bathroom’s right off the foyer.”

“I’ll just be a sec.” She stopped in the doorway, her expression equal parts serious and amused. “Don’t worry. You’ll be okay.”

“’Cuz he doesn’t bite?” Harper attempted a joke.

“Oh no, he bites all right. Four little nubby teeth can do more damage than you think.” Allison’s laughter trailed and echoed in the foyer, fading when the bathroom door shut.

It took Harper some juggling before she found the most comfortable hold was to prop the baby on her hip. His head seemed entirely too big for his spindly neck. Harper had never babysat or been baby wild. The closest she’d been to babies was funny internet videos.