The Memory of You (Sanctuary Sound #1)(45)
He trailed behind Steffi while she poked at some fungi, spot-checked some of the windowsills, and crept onto the porch to peer through the French doors. She looked confident and engrossed, which made him smile. She loved what she did, as did he. They’d both been lucky in that way.
“It’s too dark to see much, but look at that massive river rock fireplace.” She sighed like a woman in love. “I have to get this house.”
Even teardowns in this neighborhood cost a few hundred grand. “Maybe you shouldn’t get your hopes up.”
She snapped her head around and frowned at him. “Same advice twice in one night. When did you become a pessimist?”
He shrugged without answering.
Steffi crossed her arms. “Better question: Why did you become one?”
“Life.” He chuckled, although it wasn’t funny.
“That’s a cop-out. From where I stand, your life is mostly good. A great career, a great kid, a great family, and great health.” She slapped his arm. “Stop the glass-half-empty attitude, or I’ll call you Eeyore.”
He grimaced. “Please don’t.”
“Don’t make me,” she teased. When she leaned against one of the columns, her expression turned more sympathetic. “It must be really difficult to be in limbo, especially with Emmy.”
“Don’t pity me now.”
“I don’t. I only meant that you have to get her through big changes pretty much on your own.”
“My mom’s been great, although I’m dreading Monday. Emmy was thrilled to go to Block Island. She’ll have a tough time leaving Val. It’ll be like starting the separation all over again.” Ryan let loose a sigh as if it would blow away his concern.
“Maybe Val will realize how much she misses Emmy and ask to share custody. That would make Emmy happier.”
“It would, although I don’t know that I want that now. We live in different states, and I started a new job. Shared custody would be tough.” He grimaced. “More importantly, I don’t trust Val not to flake out again. And I don’t want John having much influence on my daughter.”
This time when Steffi clasped his arm, she didn’t release him so fast. He liked her touching him way more than he should. “For what it’s worth, Ryan, I think you did the right thing for Emmy by coming home. Your mom is amazing and supportive, and this town is idyllic.”
“That’s what I’m hoping.” He remained still, mostly because, if he moved, she’d let go of his arm. “It’s amazing how much has stayed the same.”
“In all the important ways. Of course, some things have changed, like this house and us.” And then, as if she’d said too much, she let go of him and wandered around the side of the house, so he followed.
His thoughts slid into dangerous territory as curiosity about how sex with Steffi would differ now that they both had more experience. He’d been her first, she his second. His first had hardly been worth remembering, though. In all the ways that mattered, Steffi had been his true first because, with her, it had been lovemaking, not just sex.
He could still remember their first time clearly. They’d sailed Knot So Fast out for the day and anchored off the shores of the Thimble Islands. They’d done that before, but on that day, the water was particularly calm, and they’d planned to “do it.” One of the most erotic memories of his life was watching her strip out of her swimsuit and sprawl across the little bed under the bow. The anticipation had made him hot and hard and barely able to stand up. Even now, the memory made his lower half stir.
Just ahead, Steffi stopped and rested her hands on her hips. “Jeez, is this the path to the beach?” She used her arms to bushwhack the overgrown flora, unconcerned with mud on her shoes or messing her hair. “Come on. I want to see the condition of the seawall.”
She disappeared into the bushes, so he followed until they both popped out onto the seawall. Several feet below lay a narrow strip of rocky sand.
They stood beside each other, gazing at the gentle waves lapping against the shore beneath a cloudless, starless sky—a stark backdrop for a moon as white as snow. The slightly eerie scene befitted winter better than early autumn.
“I loved summers here,” Steffi said, breaking their private musings. “Claire, Peyton, and I made so many plans staring at that moon.”
Ryan turned to her, shamed that he’d forgotten to ask for an update on Peyton because he’d been too consumed with his own troubles. “How is Peyton?”
“Brave as ever.” Steffi’s brow furrowed, and she removed her shoes. She then lowered herself to sit on the wall, letting her legs dangle over the edge, with her bare feet suspended above the rocks. “I wish she was undergoing treatment at Yale New Haven so I could help her, but she prefers Sloan. They’ve got amazing doctors, but she needs more emotional support than Logan can give. I could kick myself for letting our friendship fade these past couple of years.”
The temperature continued dropping, or maybe the turn in conversation only made it feel colder.
Ryan sat beside her, close but not touching. “It faded because of Claire?”
“Partly. But even before that, we’d started to lose touch. She traveled so much, and our lives went in different directions.” Steffi glanced over at him, her eyes sparkling with tears.