The Memory of You (Sanctuary Sound #1)(111)
Everyone was stunned. Even Steffi couldn’t believe how gorgeous it had turned out. Silvery-gray Shaker-style cabinet doors, white quartzite counters, a farmhouse sink, and some open shelving lent a cozy yet modern vibe to the space. The refinished antique-wood floors provided warmth, and the new French door to the backyard allowed sunlight to flood the space and spill into the dining room through the wider archway she’d created.
“Just painted the second bedroom.” She rinsed her hands. “Go take a look.”
“Sure.” He wandered off while she finished organizing her things.
She tiptoed up the stairs to try to catch his reaction to the palette. “What do you think?”
He turned, his eyes wide. “Is this the Pink Panther’s den?”
Steffi slapped his chest. “It’s perfect for a certain young girl.”
His expression faltered. “Steffi, don’t get me wrong . . . this whole place is picture-perfect. It’d be a dream come true to move in here with Emmy and you, but I don’t make enough money to support us all here.”
“I know.” She hugged him, excited to share her surprise. A few days ago, Molly had secretly offered to “forgive” her loan in order to help Ryan afford the place. Steffi had then spoken to Claire about letting Ryan and her buy the house at less of a profit than they could net with a stranger. “But you’re in luck, because the current owners of the house are willing to sell it to you for a bargain price.”
“But—”
“Ah, ah, ah!” She pressed her finger against his lips to stop him. “I also have it on good authority that the lady in your life is a working stiff and can help pay the mortgage.”
He blinked at her, processing her suggestion. She removed her finger slowly, hoping he wouldn’t let his pride ruin this dream.
“You’re ready to take that step?” He smiled.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life, Ryan Quinn.”
He looked around the cotton candy–colored room again and smiled so wide his face nearly split in half. “Seriously?”
“I mean, I don’t want to presume anything, but we have talked about the future.”
He grabbed her hands and grimaced. “If I go in on this house with you, I won’t be able to buy you much of an engagement ring.”
“You know I don’t care about jewelry. You, Emmy, this house, and the sailboat. That’s my idea of heaven.”
He gathered her in his arms, lifting her off the ground and kissing her hard. “Guess we’ve finally built ourselves that dream life, haven’t we?”
AUTHOR’S NOTE
Because of the fascinating complexity of the mind’s varied and incredible reactions to trauma, I wanted to share a bit more of my research with you. As I explain in light detail in the book, it is not at all uncommon for victims of trauma, especially sexual assault, to lose many if not all details of the incident. When in survival mode, the prefrontal cortex gets shut down by chemicals in the brain, and the amygdala takes over while the person fights to survive. Researchers still have much to learn about how and why some people might dissociate and repress traumatic memories, while others suffer PTSD, and still others remember details and move on without ongoing side effects.
While I’m far from an expert, as I understand it, most cases of dissociative identity disorder involve prolonged sexual abuse starting in childhood. On a lesser scale, there is dissociative amnesia (localized dissociation), which is rare but can occur from a single, extremely traumatic event in adulthood. While the person was conscious at the time of the event, her brain’s unconscious mind represses the painful memory. There are degrees of repression, but that is beyond the scope of this work. PTSD, on the other hand, is a severe anxiety disorder resulting from exposure to traumatic events that can also include an element of amnesia.
In the course of my research, I uncovered one personal account of a thirty-year-old woman who was drinking at a bar and met a man who offered her a ride home. He brutally raped her in his car and then tossed her onto the side of the road. She was found beaten and bruised, and then taken to her parents’ home. She had no memory of any of it, including the STI and HIV tests. Even the police didn’t tell her about the rape because they didn’t want to influence her official statement. This incredible incident provided the genesis for developing Steffi’s rape story.
Because my understanding of this complicated field of study is limited, I layered the elements of alcohol use and a history of concussions to further contribute to her memory issues in order to present a plausible, if not probable, story. If you’re interested in learning more about these topics, please see the list of reading materials I reviewed while writing this book.
SOURCES
Jules Spotts, PhD
Lisa Creane Hayden, PhD
http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/ptsd/posttraumatic-stress-disorder-and-memory
http://time.com/3625414/rape-trauma-brain-memory
https://www.wearyourvoicemag.com/body-politics/emily-doe-rape
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/may/16/experience-rape
https://www.clevelandclinic.org/health/disease/9789-dissociative-amnesia
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/dissociative-amnesia
http://blog.souldoctors.com/rape-victims-fragmented-memories