The Memory of You (Sanctuary Sound #1)(108)
From the beginning, Steffi had envisioned Ryan and Emmy here. Truthfully, she fantasized about living here with them. A little family. A happy one. Having Emmy scurrying around for five minutes renewed that wish, even though she had no idea how to talk to Ryan now. How to forgive him and ask for help at the same time.
But if she didn’t figure it out, then what happened last spring would truly destroy her life. She couldn’t give those men that power. She wouldn’t.
She locked up the home and then drove the van to the other end of the lane and parked in front of the Quinns’ place, every bit as shaky as she had that first day when she’d come to bid on Molly’s project.
Nine o’clock. Not too late.
Steeling herself, she trotted across the lawn and knocked on the door, bracing to see Ryan again. “Different better,” she’d promised. That meant she’d have to find a way to overcome her Lockwood genes and open up to him. Be vulnerable.
She trembled on the stoop.
When the door opened, she came face-to-face with Molly. “Oh, Stefanie. I didn’t expect you. Is something wrong? Didn’t you get the final check?”
“I got the check, thank you,” Steffi assured her. “I just wanted to give the room a once-over. Make sure JT did a good job with the trim.”
Molly’s eyes narrowed slightly, but she didn’t call Steffi a liar. “Sure. Come on back. The whole thing turned out darling. Claire says the furniture will arrive tomorrow afternoon. I’ll have to invite you girls over for a little housewarming thingy.”
“Hopefully, you’ll bake more of those cookies,” Steffi joked as she followed Molly through the house. Her stomach plummeted in anticipation of running into Ryan, but she didn’t see him anywhere.
Molly turned on the lights in the new room. “I just can’t believe how much space and flow this has added. I might even have to throw a Bunco party or something.”
“I’m so pleased that you love it.” Steffi allowed herself to bask in Molly’s joy. The room had turned out beautifully. She’d seen Claire’s sketches and could envision it furnished. Picture Ryan lounging on the sofa enjoying a Patriots game. See Emmy playing a board game with friends. New tears threatened, but she blinked them back.
“I’ll leave you to your inspection. I’ve got another load of laundry to fold.” Molly patted her shoulder and disappeared.
Steffi turned in circles, wondering why she’d thought it had been a good idea to talk to Ryan here. Or at all. She didn’t know how to do what he wanted, or spill her guts, or ask for help, or have a truly healthy relationship.
She checked a few spots of trim, considering whether or not it’d be rude to slip out without saying goodbye to Molly. The woman had never been an idiot. Surely, she sensed something was off. She muttered, “Double damn, this is a fine mess.”
“Hey,” Ryan said from the kitchen, “are you okay? Sounds like you’re talking to yourself.”
She stopped and shoved her hands in her jacket pockets. “Yeah. I’m good. I mean, I’m not having an episode or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
Ryan stepped into the empty room, making it suddenly seem overcrowded. He wore flannel pajama pants and a soft T-shirt. His tousled hair looked enticing, and entire parts of her anatomy sprang to life. Yet, despite the sleepy sexiness of his appearance, he also looked sad. She stifled the urge to slap him and then hold him tight. An amazing feat, given her recent lack of control.
He scratched the side of his nose. “I know you don’t want to listen to anything I have to say, but since you’re trapped at the moment, at least let me apologize for the way I handled everything. I never meant to make things worse for you. Or to tell you how to handle something so personal.” He took another step closer to her. She kept still, wanting him close yet fearing that nearness, too. “I was scared and willing to do anything to try to solve the problem. But I shouldn’t have made it about me or us when it’s clearly about you. I was a giant ass, and I’m truly sorry, Steffi. So I guess now it’s my turn to ask if, despite everything, we can at least be friends. If not for my sake, then for my daughter’s. She’s got a stiff upper lip, but I’m pretty sure she’s missing you.”
“I miss her, too,” Steffi said. “And you.”
His eyes misted. “Do you?”
She nodded, horrified that there were any tears left in her body, and that they wanted to make yet another appearance. “Actually, I didn’t come here to check on the job. I came to tell you something. Claire said something I can’t get out of my head.”
“So you told her everything?”
She glanced away, unable to face the details. “The main points.”
“What did she say?”
“She said that if I let what’s happened destroy everything we’ve rebuilt, then those men truly destroyed my life.” Steffi couldn’t look at Ryan. She might as well be naked standing there talking about those men. Talking about her hopes for their future. She kept her eyes down. “I hate the way you went about this, but I know you only did it to help. And you weren’t wrong about how my problem might end up hurting others. I clocked Benny with a bag of wood the other night by accident.”
Ryan winced. “I assume he’s okay?”