The Lies That Bind(85)

He stares into my eyes, and when I don’t reply, he asks it again, more clearly. “Did you love him, Cecily?”

I nod the smallest, millimeter nod. “I thought I did,” I say.

“So you did. If you thought you did, then you did.”

    I stare at him, then say, “Maybe. But I don’t love him anymore.”

I can tell right away that this was the wrong thing to say, even before I hear his next words. “Well, gee whiz, Cecily. I really didn’t think that needed to be said. But thanks. I’m glad to know that you don’t still love another man.”

“Matthew,” I say. “Please. I’m trying to fix this. By telling you everything…by telling you the truth—even the really painful parts. All I can say is that as I sit here now—I love you. Only you…”

“Who else knows about all of this?” he says, and I think of what they always say about betrayal. It’s the act itself as well as the aftershocks—how foolish a person feels when they realize other people know the truth.

“Only Jasmine and Scottie,” I say. “My family knows nothing about any of this.”

“So you’re lying to them, too?” he says.

“I guess I am,” I say softly.

It occurs to me that I’ve accidentally omitted Ethan, and I start to mention him, but I can tell Matthew is no longer listening. He’s somewhere very far away, wearing the expression I have feared all along.

“Say something…anything.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t know what to say. Or what to think. Or how to feel…but I guess…I guess I should thank you for finally telling me the truth,” he says in a calm, clear voice that shatters me. Then he stands, looking crushed, yet so dignified.

“Where are you going?” I say, feeling my throat constrict with desperation and sadness.

“Home. I hope you’ll forgive me, but I’m not really in the mood to listen to a band for our wedding—with your ex-boyfriend’s wife.”

As he turns to go, I follow him to the door, planning to tell him how sorry I am. Instead, I let him go, resolving to show him instead.





A short time later, a cab drops me off on Orchard Street between Houston and Stanton. The block is shabby, but the inside of Dharma is on the swanky side, and I quickly spot Amy sitting in the back corner with Chad—who I didn’t know would be joining us.

As I approach their table, Chad does a quick stand, and Amy waves at me. “Hey, Cess!” she says.

“Hi, guys,” I say, forcing a smile.

“Where’s Matthew?” Amy asks, peering past me. “Is he running late?”

“Um. He actually can’t make it,” I say, my stomach churning as I sit in the chair across from her with my coat still on and my purse still over my shoulder.

“Is everything okay? Is he okay?” she says. “Weddings can be so stressful—”

“Yeah,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady. “But I…uh…have to talk to you about something…kind of personal.” I shift my gaze to Chad, who immediately takes the hint.

“No problem,” he says, getting to his feet again. “I’ll just…be at the bar. Take your time.”

I thank Chad, resisting the urge to apologize, staying focused. The second he’s out of earshot, Amy gives me a deer-in-the-headlights look. “What’s going on?”

    I take a deep breath and say, “Okay. So this is really, really hard…what I’m about to tell you.”

“Oh, God. You and Matthew didn’t break up, did you? That’s not why he didn’t come, is it?”

I shake my head, and say, “No. Although he does know what I’m about to tell you.”

She gives me a blank stare, looks down, then meets my gaze again. “Well, if it helps…I think I know what you’re going to say.”

“I don’t think you do,” I say.

But then her eyes narrow and she says in a steely voice, “It’s about you and Grant, isn’t it?”

I stare back at her, floored. “Yes,” I say. “It is.”

She nods, still expressionless.

“How did you know?” I ask, wondering if it was Ethan—or if Grant contacted her after I left the cabin.

“It was just…a sixth sense…women’s intuition,” she says. “I suspected it from that first day. You mentioned Byron’s name before I said it. At least I thought you had…but I told myself I had to be wrong. That I was just being paranoid….But you asked so many questions about him….And the way you looked at those photos…I just…I just wasn’t sure…until Matthew gave me a key to your apartment so I could take the dress to your place….I wanted to leave you a note. I wasn’t snooping, but I opened a drawer to find a piece of paper, and saw the postcard he sent you.” She closes her eyes for a second, and I think she might start to cry. But she doesn’t.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I swear I had no idea he was married…no clue, whatsoever….I didn’t know until I found that flyer with his face—and Jasmine called you. But regardless, I know I should have told you sooner.”

She leans across the table and says, “You’re telling me now….I knew you would…eventually,” she says.