The Last of the Moon Girls(11)

You preferred being alone. You had your books and your oils and your perfumes. And you pretended it was enough. It wasn’t, though, and that was hard to see. You were so beautiful, but you were always hiding, trying to make yourself invisible.

And then . . . those poor girls.

It was an agony to know the people of this town thought me capable of such a thing. Murder. Why? What would I have to gain by taking the lives of two beautiful young girls? But there’s no reasoning with people once an idea takes root. The whispers caught fire, and that was that. But it was harder still to watch what all their talk did to you. Every day, I saw you pull away a little more, knowing there was nothing I could do. And then when your mother left, I saw how badly you wanted to go too, to be away from it all.

I didn’t blame you—will never blame you—for leaving for school. You’ve grown into a special woman, just as I knew you would, living the life you’ve carved out for yourself. I’m so proud of you for that—for making your own way in the world.

You’re like Sabine in that way. You have her will and her strength. I was not so strong when I was young. I fell in line and walked the path already paved for me, too timid to stray, to find a way to be both what I wanted and what was expected of me. I hadn’t your spirit back then, though I sometimes wish I had. So much becomes clear when looking over one’s shoulder. I have no regrets, or if I do, they’re few, and faded with time. But I understand now that there are an infinite number of paths in this life. Some are well traveled, others must be forged. But none should be walked with a guilty or bitter heart.

Which is why I’ve written this second book—a Book of Remembrances—not for posterity, but for you, my Lizzy. So you will remember how things were before it all went wrong—the happy times we shared when you were a child, the lessons I taught you, and your love of the land. Those things will always be your heritage. And so I ask you to read the remaining pages, but to do so slowly, as I taught you to do when you were young and hungry to know too much all at once. Absorb the words a little at a time, and hold them close. Then come back to the book when you are ready. Trust me in this, sweet girl. You will know when it’s time.

A—





FOUR

July 18

Lizzy swam up slowly from sleep, fully dressed beneath the softly worn quilt she must have pulled over herself during the night. She hadn’t bothered to change clothes, or even to go looking for sheets. She had simply curled up on the bare mattress with Althea’s book and started to read.

The Book of Remembrances.

Even now, after her death, Althea was still teaching, reminding her who she was and where she’d come from. But there had been one passage in particular that had struck her in a way she hadn’t expected. So much so that she’d gone back and read it over several times.

I was not so strong when I was young. I fell in line and walked the path already paved for me, too timid to stray, to find a way to be both what I wanted and what was expected of me. I hadn’t your spirit back then, though I sometimes wish I had.

Had she imagined the tinge of regret? A wistfulness for something lost or left undone? It was hard to imagine Althea wanting anything more than the life she had. She always seemed to be right where she belonged, in love with her work and the bright, sprawling fields of Moon Girl Farm. And yet her reference to falling in line seemed to hint at a disappointment of some kind. And there was the mention of a bitter heart, though that was easier to explain. If being branded a murderer and losing everything you held precious wasn’t cause for a bitter heart, Lizzy didn’t know what was.

The book sat on the nightstand. Lizzy laid a hand on the cover, wondering what else Althea had to say. The temptation to keep reading last night had been almost overpowering, but she had been urged to absorb the words a little at a time, and hold them close. And because it was the last request her grandmother would ever make of her, she would honor it.

She went to the door and peered out into the hall. There was no sign of Evvie, but she did find a folded pair of soft green corduroys, a white cotton blouse, and a pair of battered lace-up boots. She smiled as she ran a hand over the scuffed boots, strangely glad to see them, like old friends she’d left behind but not quite forgotten. She had to admit, it would feel good to lose the heels and office attire for a few days.

After a quick shower, she made her way downstairs. Evvie was seated at the table, scanning the morning’s copy of the Chronicle through a pair of bright-blue drugstore readers. She twitched the corner of her paper down as Lizzy entered the kitchen, giving her outfit a quick once-over.

“Better,” she said flatly. “Like you belong here.”

“Thanks. Is there coffee, by any chance?”

“Just tea,” Evvie said, retreating behind her paper. “And a plate of eggs in the oven.”

Lizzy didn’t have the heart to tell Evvie she usually skipped breakfast. Or that she didn’t function particularly well without her morning coffee. She pulled the plate from the oven, eyeing the mound of scrambled eggs and home fries with dismay. It was more food than she was used to eating in a day, let alone for breakfast.

Evvie eyed her with raised brows. “You don’t eat eggs?”

“No, I do. I just don’t usually eat breakfast. And this is a lot of breakfast.”

“Hmmm.” Evvie looked her up and down again. “Could do with a bit of meat on your bones, if you ask me. Don’t they feed you in New York?”