The Last Dragon King (Kings of Avalier #1)(48)

He pulled away abruptly, looking at me with wide eyes, as if he too did not enjoy the kiss.

I was such an idiot. I prayed that the Maker would strike me dead with a lightning bolt right then and there so that I didn’t have to experience this.

“Sorry,” I muttered, stumbling away from him. “I… have no idea what I was thinking.”

He reached out and took my hand. “No. Don’t be… I want to but… I’m not allowed.”

I stilled, his fingers in mine as I stared up at him. “You’re not allowed to kiss me?”

His cheeks pinked and he looked left and right as if making sure no one was close enough to hear us. “The king has told the entire Royal Guard that none of us may have you.”

That. Bastard.

“Why?” My heart hammered in my chest. I could physically feel the color draining from my face.

Cal chewed on his bottom lip. “In case something happens to Joslyn… you’re his backup.”

Actual bile crept up my throat. The king ordered none of the Royal Guard to like me so that he could keep me on the side as a backup?

I was no one’s backup.

That bastard.

I nodded, walking briskly away from Cal as he called my name. Tears started to well up but I blinked them back.

Don’t let them see you cry.

I’d been training nearly a month. I’d broken bones, cut myself, been knocked out, and not shed a single tear in front of these men. I would not cry now over an invisible heart wound.

Passing Annabeth, I gave her a curt smile, my throat tightening the faster I walked. When I finally pulled the door to my quarters open, I threw myself inside and then slammed it shut behind me.

“Arwen?” Narine’s sweet voice came from the kitchen and then everything broke inside of me. Sobs wracked my body as I crumpled to the floor. I couldn’t hold it together anymore.

“Oh Maker.” Narine rushed forward, picking me up and scanning my body as if looking for wounds. “You hurt?”

“Not physically.” I sniffled. “I never wanted to come here! I didn’t want to marry him. I didn’t ask for any of this.” I wept.

Understanding dawned on Narine’s expression and she nodded, her curls bouncing around her face. “Matters of the heart hurt more than bodily injuries. I’ll make you some tea and run a bath.”

“Thank you,” I whimpered, allowing her to take me to the couch and deposit me there.

The longer I sat there, sipping my tea as Narine ran the bath, the angrier I became. Drae proposed to Joslyn, he chose her, he should not be making passes at me. And then telling the Royal Guard not to touch me so I could be his backup! It wasn’t fair. I wanted to punch him right in his pretty little face!

“You’re smoking,” Narine said, and I froze, looking down at the curls of smoke floating up from my nose.

Taking a deep breath, I calmed myself.

If I don’t love anyone, then they can’t destroy me when they die. The king’s haunting words came to me then and I deflated. All anger at him fled from me and just became a ball of sorrow and pity. He was in a horrible position, bound by duty for his people. Joslyn was the safer choice for him to have a child with and I respected that. If the situation were reversed, I would have made the same choice—denying my heart for the betterment of my people.

After my bath, I read for a while and then planned to turn in early when there was a knock at the door. I hoped it was the king, but by the lateness of the hour it would be inappropriate.

When Narine pulled the door back, Joslyn stepped inside, red blotchy eyes the hallmark sign that she had been crying.

Hades.

“Can you go for a walk?” she asked.

No.

“Sure.” I slipped into my sandals, and tucked my hunting knife into the back waistband of my trousers out of habit.

We were quiet walking down the hallway. I waved to a passing maid and then to the Royal Guard stationed at the door that led out to the gardens. Only when we were alone in the garden, peering at the purple lilacs, did Joslyn look at me.

“He will never love me,” she said and my heart broke.

“What?” I tried to act surprised.

Joslyn wrung her hands together. “I just spoke to him. He made it clear this will be a marriage of convenience and he isn’t sure he will ever love me as I deserve to be loved, and he told me I can get out of it if I want.”

Shock ran through me at that. “Get out of it? End the betrothal?”

She nodded. “He said he would make sure my family name was not tarnished if I chose to walk away. I would still have highborn status and he would pay a monthly stipend to take care of me for the rest of my life.”

My heart pinched at the king’s kindness. I blinked back tears several times as my vision blurred. “What are you going to do?”

She chewed her lip. “I’m going to stay. It’s my duty to provide a royal heir and save the people of Embergate and so I’ll do it. Love or not.”

So he also told her about needing an heir to save his people. Her people. Our people. Ninety percent of the people in Embergate carried dragon magic in their veins and would succumb to death as the king’s magic eventually faded away.

I was suddenly flooded with so much respect for Joslyn. “You’re a good person. You’ll make a wonderful queen,” I informed her.