The Last Dragon King (Kings of Avalier #1)(47)

We stood there quiet for a long time, just letting the light breeze move the long ropelike branches of the willow, until finally he turned to me with a storm brewing in his gaze.

“I don’t love Joslyn,” he declared, and my entire body went rigid.

Why was he telling me that? Because I was now good friends with her?

“I respect her, I care for her well-being… but I don’t love her.”

My heart rattled my ribs like a cage. I genuinely feared it would leap out of my chest and fall onto the ground, exposing my nerves.

“You must have an heir or the dragon-folk people would die.” I tried to assuage his guilt and he nodded.

“But I could have chosen you,” he said boldly, stepping closer to me, and it was like the entire world had been tipped on its axis.

Why is he saying this? My brain was so befuddled I didn’t even know how to respond. Was he saying he wished he had picked me? Simultaneous excitement and sorrow ripped through me. The king took another step closer. My breast pressed against his chest with only a thin piece of cloth between us and suddenly it felt as if I had stepped into an inferno. Heat like I’d never felt before rushed through me and my upper lip broke out in a sweat. He took in a deep breath, his chest pressing harder against me, and then exhaled a shuddering breath. He leaned forward, licking his lips to wet them.

I wanted to kiss him—Hades, I wanted to bed him right now, but there was one thing flashing through my mind in this moment.

Joslyn.

He might not love her, but she was falling in love with him. They might not be married yet and it might only be a marriage of convenience, but I couldn’t do that to her. She was my friend.

I turned my face quickly. “I can’t,” I muttered, and he froze, taking a giant step back from me and pulling all of that delicious warmth with him.

Swallowing hard, he nodded, a conflicted look washing over his face. “Maybe this is for the best. If I don’t love anyone, then they can’t destroy me when they die.” He spun, stepping out of the circle of weeping willows.

Emotion tightened my throat to the point of causing me pain as I worked hard not to cry. I wanted to run to him, pull him into my arms and tell him he could love me. That it would be safe, that I would love him back. But surrounded by those loved ones he’d watched die, I just wasn’t sure it was the truth. Like Dr. Elsie had said, we didn’t know what kind of child our pairing would create—Joslyn was the safer choice. While I was collecting myself, he tossed off his clothes and gave me another view of his royal ass.

I groaned, hating the perfect detail of his butt cheeks, and then spun to give him my back. I yanked off the tunic in anger and then started my own shift.

Why did he do that? Why did he say that?

I don’t love Joslyn.

I could have chosen you.

Those words would haunt me until my dying day.

When I was fully shifted into my dragon form, I turned around and he took one look at me and kicked off the ground, heading for the sky.

I followed him, still dumbfounded at his confession. Did he regret not choosing me? Did he want to change his mind? I wanted to know, but I decided to say nothing. For Joslyn’s sake. For all dragon-folks’ sake.

He made his bed and he was going to have to lie in it.

The flight back was quiet and slightly awkward. Drae flew below me just as he promised, and with each beat of my wings the fear of flying left me. When we made it back to the training field, Joslyn was there, ever the good betrothed, waiting on her man in her new yellow dress.

Guilt wormed through me at the sight of her excitedly waving at us.

“You did it!” she screamed.

I don’t love Joslyn.

“Go, Arwen!” She pumped her fist into the air.

I don’t love Joslyn.

I snuck off into the bushes and changed, feeling the ball in my stomach growing heavier and heavier. When I stepped out, Joslyn was pulling a leaf out of the king’s hair and smiling up at him.

“Do you want to have dinner together tonight?” Joslyn asked him.

“I have… a lot of work to catch up on,” he said, looking at me guiltily.

My heart simultaneously broke for Joslyn, and cheered that the king didn’t love her. It was horrible, evil, and yet I realized in that moment that I wanted him for myself. I wished he’d chosen me, but that kind of daydreaming would eat away at a person. Not to mention Joslyn was my dear friend and this wasn’t right. I needed to remedy it immediately.

It wasn’t fair to Joslyn.

Walking in a rush, I took off for the horse barn in search of Cal, telling Joslyn and the king I had somewhere I needed to be. Cal had been flirting with me for three weeks straight. I would kiss him and we would both see that we could be happy together and I could forget about the king. Drae in turn would see me with another man and then move on happily with Joslyn. It was a win-win.

Passing droves of soldiers, I screamed Cal’s name and finally found him saddling his horse on the side of the barn.

He looked up with a grin when he saw me approach. “You still sore from that—?”

I crashed into him, pressing my lips to his. His arms came around me, pulling me closer to him. He groaned as our lips touched and I immediately felt the gravity of my mistake.

The world did not tilt on its axis. This kiss was not earth-shattering. It felt like I was kissing my mother goodnight.