The Grand Pact (The Grand Men #1)(78)

His beautiful face fills my phone, and he instantly gives me a small smile.

“Hi.”

“Hey, Luce,” he mutters, his voice tired and like velvet slipping over my skin.

“It’s late there,” I say, my throat tight and burning.

His deep blue eyes are glued to me. They make me want to run away until I can find a way back into their abyss. “I was at the gym.”

I roll my lips, not knowing where to start.

“Luce,” he calls.

I lift my head to look at him, his eyes looking sad.

“You’ve been crying?”

It’s not a question.

He knows.

“Not since this morning.” I lie.

He looks to his lap and then back up at me, and I hate the look he gives me. I feel like I should know what’s coming, and maybe I do.

“I’m sorry you felt the way you did last night. It isn’t fair you were put in that situation.”

“I was jealous. It wasn’t your fault,” I tell him.

“No, but it wasn’t your fault either.”

“I think with moving and then seeing you all out for the gala, it felt like everything I’ve been holding in hit at once.” I feel my eyes well, and I blink my tears away. “I felt left out more than ever. I miss you all, and then Harriet answered the phone—”

“Luce… I’m letting you go.”

My face drops. Nothing forms in my mind, and I stare blankly at the screen. It’s impossible to form a coherent thought when my body feels like it’s splitting in two.

“I want you to try doing this alone. Without me.”

“No,” I say without thinking as panic crawls up my throat like a choke hold.

“It’s not because of anyone else. I’m not mad at you—”

“Elliot, don’t be so stu—”

“But you left to do something for you, and all I’ve done is make it impossible.”

What is he saying? Doesn’t he see that he has been the one who’s made it possible? I shake my head, my nails pinching into my palm, piercing the sensitive skin. I shake my head. “I don’t understand.”

“If I don’t do this, you won’t ever know what it’s like to live this dream the way you intended to. You’ll regret it.”

“You’re making out like I’m not happy here. I was fine up until last night.”

He runs a hand through his hair, his gaze not leaving me and very obviously conflicted. “I know that, and this works for me—”

“Then why change it!” My voice cracks and I frown in annoyance. I already know I’m going to cry, but I fight it.

“Because you won’t ever know what it’s like to be alone if you don’t try.”

“I am alone!”

He tilts his head with a look.

“So, what, you’re not going to speak to me anymore?” I snap the words, and they snap straight back, slapping me in the chest full force. I grind my teeth. “You told me to come to New York, Elliot. You said I should be here and pushed and pushed.”

“You should be there.”

“Then why are you abandoning me?”

“I’m not.” He shakes his head, his face screwing up in pain. “Don’t say that.”

“Then what? You want to be friends again? Go back to the way it was so you can fuck around like before?”

His nostrils flare, and I stare him down, feeling like a horrible bitch for the words I just threw at him.

“Why have you done this?” I choke out.

“Luce—”

“Weeks and weeks of pulling me in, and now you just want to drop me.” I knew it. I told myself it was possible, but I never believed it would happen. “I’m in New York, I still need you guys.”

“We’re here, Luce.”

I snigger and shake my head, a tear rolling free.

“I stand by our pact—”

My chin wobbles. “Why bother—”

“But you have to stand by it too.” He stops when a sob slips past my lips, then breaks me completely when he whispers, “Baby….”

I look up at the phone, a tear dripping from my nose.

“Enjoy this. Please. Fall in love with the city. Almendo’s. Yourself. I’m going to be right here waiting. What’s a year?”

I stare at him in disbelief.

“I’ll still come out and see you, and of course, we can still talk.” He laughs. As if it’s a joke.

“No,” I mutter, shaking my head.

“You’re mad at me,” he states. “I’m not trying to hurt you, Lucy.”

“Well, then you failed,” I cry.

“I don’t do this. I never—”

“Don’t do what?”

“Plan. Spend my time agonising over what I’m doing and how it affects other people. I live and let live.”

“So you’re doing this because it’s inconvenient for you.”

He tuts, his own annoyance seeping through. “I’m doing this for you.”

“That’s bullshit. If you wanted to carry this on, you would. You don’t want this, and you’re using me leaving as an excuse.”